Life & Career Coaching for Lawyers
Life & Career Coaching for Lawyers
For many of us, when we are practicing and things get hairy, we unknowingly slip into survival mode and our days are spent living in fight or flight. We lose touch with our rational thinking and have a hard time seeing the forest for the trees. We are convinced that there are no solutions available to us and we just want to keep our heads above water. How to dig out of overwhelm and make better choices.
Today, the behavior of a small child on a school bus completely rocked my world. She has inspired me to find my voice and set in motion the ripple effects of painful honesty.
As humans in this world, we all have a role to play in fostering the evolution of thought. While that might mean we have to place ourselves in uncomfortable situations and call out actions that we know are not mal-intended. Unless we’re honest with people about how their words or actions impact our abilities to show up, to stand up, to speak up, we will never make the progress that our world so desperately needs.
In the complicated world of practicing law, many of my clients are playing a role in what Stephen Karpman calls the “drama triangle.” I often see my clients vacillating between the victim role and the rescuer. How to move out of drama and into empowerment.
Over apologizing is often the easy route. It’s easier to take on all the blame than it is to stand up for yourself. It’s easier to believe that it was all your fault than to examine the things you did right. This victim mentality is pervasive and can seep into all aspects of your life if left unchecked.
So why do we over apologize?
The practice of law is challenging and, for better or worse, the practice of law usually requires interactions with some very *challenging* humans. While we truly believe that we have been belittled and treated unfairly, it is not productive to set up camp with those thoughts. So what do we do instead
One recent study concluded that sexual harassment in the legal industry is at epidemic proportions. Sadly, I have never met a woman in the legal industry who has not experienced some of these challenges.
Yet, despite our ability to clearly articulate ourselves and zealously defend others, so many of my clients and colleagues shy away from defending themselves.
Why is that?
So many of my clients back themselves into a corner, agreeing to do things that they don’t REALLY want to do, things that they shouldn’t do, things that ask them to color outside the lines. They agree to do it because they feel like they “should” help as much as they can. But then as they settle into the work, they are fuming. All because of this word “should.”
Early on, many of us realize that working 70 hours/week does not create a happy life, no matter the paycheck. It is not exactly the life you dreamt of. We hate that having a family is often seen as a detriment to our career. We struggle with the notion that our personal lives must be planned taking consideration where we want our career to go. We stew and we ponder:
How can I make practicing law more live-able?
One of the inevitable results of being a grownup in this world is that you will often be faced with the “opportunity” to have difficult conversations with other humans.