Life & Career Coaching for Lawyers
Life & Career Coaching for Lawyers
One of the most common recurring themes I encounter when working with new clients is the question: is it me or is it the job? Today I want to explore a simple exploration you can undertake to get to the bottom of this critical and terrifying question.
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about this notion of cutting people out of our lives. It’s not difficult to find books and self-help gurus who champion this notion of decisively cutting people out of your life–removing chronically negative and toxic people from your orbit. I’ve been struggling to reconcile this idea with my belief in compassion. Where is the line between self-protection and compassion in our relationships?
People pleasing tendencies. We’ve all got them. It may seem like simple Midwest Nice but at it’s core, people-pleasing is rooted in deception. When we put the needs and feelings of others before our own, we relegate our truth. We relegate our voices and we implicitly acknowledge that we are less important that those we are desperately trying to please.
In any given day, many of us find ourselves in situations where we are uncomfortable. (If not, we should talk.) In those moments, a large part of the discomfort comes from our worries about what others are going to think about us and what they are going to make the conversation mean. How do you navigate those worries and fears so that you can show up authentically you?
Recently, I’ve found myself coming back to a mantra my own lawyer lady coach has used with me for years. I’ve been thinking about this mantra lately as I work with clients who are driving toward big changes. If you find yourself at a crossroads, wanting to shake things up a bit, I offer this mantra to you as a means to guide your forward motion.
Logically, most of us know that we should be saying “no” far more than we are. Most us want more time, more balance, and more space. We know that saying “no” is an obvious step in the direction of those goals. But why is saying “no” so hard and so painful? What is it about setting that boundary that makes us cringe?
As attorneys, we are hired to advocate and be the knowledge voices of our clients–why do we struggle to advocate for ourselves?
I don’t believe I’ve ever had a session or worked with a client that was not seemingly persecuted by Father Time. Many of us believe that we don’t have enough time, that we’re running out of time, or that there is simply too much to do. How much of this is fixable? In a recent session I had with a friend, I was surprised at the answer to that question.
When I was in private practice, I had a client that called me all the time. Constantly. How I showed up in the relationship changed everything about how I set boundaries in my relationships, personally and professionally.
Most of the attorneys that I work with do not believe that it is possible for them to create happiness within their current environment. They come to me unhappy and overworked. They believe that the only way things are going to get better is if the firm finally changes. Or if they leave. Part of the work that I do with my clients is helping them to start setting boundaries and flexing their “no” muscle. Today we explore why this so hard and why we MUST change.
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