Timelines to get married, timelines to have kids, timelines to make partner, timelines to build that book of business, timelines to remain marketable and find another job…..

These never ending timelines not only often conflict with one another but can make it nearly impossible to truly enjoy this journey through time. Recently, I have been inundated with clients overwhelmed with the idea that they are “running out of time” for one thing or another. While I fully understand the importance of setting goals and having something to work for, what does it mean when we say that we are running out of time? Does that fear drive us to soar even higher or are the results more nefarious?

As a coach, I’m a firm believer in setting goals and having something to work toward but unfortunately the side effect of having too many trophies on the horizon is that, if left unchecked, it can diminish our current experience. When we are constantly casting our gaze off into the horizon, we overlook everything around us. Suddenly everything we are currently experiencing and the life that is currently happening to us and around us pales in comparison to that ultimate goal and whatever it is we are trying to achieve before we run out of time. We are driven by some notion that once we accomplish everything on our list, life will finally make sense and our existence will matter.

Sound familiar? You are not alone. Schedule a free consult and let go of this notion of “running out of time” for good.

While we think that this push to action and achievement is benefiting us what effect does it have on the remainder of our lives? If that goal itself comprises something in the distance, a mere fraction of our lifetime, that means that the remaining 99% of our lives are spent with that singular focus — the majority of our lives are spent disconnected from our current, lesser, existence and focusing on something we believe is bigger and brighter in the future.

Whenever I allow myself to think I’m running out of time, I feel this tightness in my chest and anxiety rising within my body. As if something bad is going to happen if I don’t get to work and start executing on some lofty goal. It’s this idea that I’m wasting my life that I should be doing more. That absent some future accomplishment my current existence is unworthy and my life will be a waste. From that space, I act franticly and quickly, trying to cram it all in. Nothing good comes from operating in that space other than a total meltdown burnout, in which case,

I REALLY do lose all that time I was worrying about, creating the exact result I was trying to avoid!

We talk a lot in coaching about being worthy and how that worthiness fits into context with our goals. Ultimately, the goal is never the point of the exercise but rather who we become in pursuit of those goals is the point. That ultimate goal, that accomplishment or achievement is never going to suddenly swoop in and make us experience all the worthiness that we’ve been chasing.

Rather, as many of us experience, once we achieve that goal those feelings of unworthiness and needing something more simply continue. That is the pattern that we practice when we let the ultimate goal have more value than it should — when we value the goal more than the journey. In that space, we are in essence doing exactly what we were trying to avoid: we are running out of time to enjoy the journey of life, we are running out of time to look around and witness our own evolution; sacrificing 99% of life in exchange for those blips of accomplishment.

Whatever we are striving for and worrying that we’re running out of time to accomplish, that thing will never bring us the happiness, peace, and feelings of worthiness that we think it will. Instead we must cultivate feelings of gratitude, worthiness, and success now so that when we achieve that one thing we are already skilled at appreciating it and understanding our worthiness already. From that space, the accomplishment loses its power and we are able to live in our value every step of the way and be thankful for all the gifts that we have in every moment.

If you don’t cultivate your belief in your worthiness along every step of your journey, no accomplishment will suddenly change that.

Whenever you find yourself thinking and worrying “I’m running out of time,” see it as a red flag that you are chasing some type of emotion or some external thing to make you feel a certain way. It is a sign that you are not truly living your life in the moment but rather casting your life forward to some unseen hands of fate. (Besides no one ever achieves their goals from a space of unworthiness, fear, and lack.) Whatever goal you’re seeking, pursue it for the sake of the pursuit. Pursue it so that you can practice believing in your own value every step of the way, in the face of every challenge. THAT is the only way to truly succeed. Achieving from any other place will only leave you feeling empty.

Our career trajectory has its own timeline and our days are constantly at the mercy of the clock in 6 minute increments. With all this focus on time, we have to take *time* to pause and reflect on all this rigidity.

Are the timelines we adopt in our minds really timelines or are we sacrificing our peace to arbitrary metrics?

Many of my clients speak of a mystical timeline for attorney-success. There seems to be some notion of when we are *most* marketable and when we lose that marketability. This timeline puts pressure on the decision whether to get serious about partnership or begin examining other alternatives.

Practicing law, like all professions, will certainly come with its own unique decisions to be made. Unless utilizing the ostrich approach to your career, you are undoubtedly going to have to decide whether partnership is something you want. You will be exposed to other opportunities. You will likely be courted by headhunters as your skillset is sharpened. You will have choices to make.

But these choices are yours to make. In your own time. As you see fit. PERIOD.

When we acknowledge that we have choices but then pile on arbitrary deadlines, the decision-making process becomes compressed and our emotions become heightened. Your legal career is not borne within some hourglass that tracks your marketability and viability. We are not counting embryos here. You get to decide when it’s time for a change. You get to decide what your path looks like.

There is nothing wrong with never making partner. There is nothing wrong with working at a firm for 9 years and then moving on. There is no expiration on your value and the contributions that you can make. When we buy into the notion that our marketability has an expiration date, we are selling ourselves short. We ignore all that we have learned thus far and make ourselves the victim to some arbitrary standard.

When we buy into beliefs that our choices (our FREE WILL) have an expiration date, we compound the difficulties that are inherent in life. It is hard enough to decide what we want to do with our lives, why add an arbitrary deadline to it?

What I often see are young attorneys who have concluded, after 3-5 years of practice, that they MUST make a decision about what they want long term. They visit with me in hopes that I can provide them with some clarity about the right path for them.

While there are a variety of factors that will play into the decision to leave a firm, expiration of your value should not be one of them.

I have seen senior attorneys, without any book of business, get hired to build their own practice group. I have seen tenured in-house attorneys, practicing 20+ years, return to big law practice. I have seen associates start their own firms after practicing for 1 year. There is no limit on your value and there is no deadline for determining your next step.

If you could believe that you were under no deadline make a decision, what would you do? That is the only relevant inquiry.

If you are investing in some sort of timeline–for your career, your relationship, marriage, procreation–I invite you to explore how that timeline came to be? Is it founded in “good law”? Is it serving you? Don’t let dramatics cloud your judgment and your decisions. This is your life. You get to make the timeline, no one else.

The majority of my clients are driven to find a coach because they are looking to make a change in their career–they are either seeking to show up differently in their current environment or they are looking for  a dramatic overhaul. If you are looking to make some changes, schedule a free consult and let me support you in gaining clarity.