You imagined freedom. You dreamed of long walks, midday yoga, catching up on books, or just being. But when the time came, guilt snuck in. That nagging voice in your head whispering:

“Shouldn’t you be doing something?”

“Everyone else is working—why aren’t you?”

“You’re wasting time.”

You are not alone.

I hear this constantly from clients—especially women—who’ve worked hard to create space in their lives only to discover that rest doesn’t feel like relief. It feels like failure.

They go part-time, switch to an in-house role, or finally take the sabbatical they’ve been craving—expecting to feel peace, freedom, maybe even joy.

But instead?

They feel uneasy. On edge. Restless.
They say things like, “I thought this would feel better.”
Or, “I’m still exhausted, but I feel guilty just sitting here.”

Here’s what I want you to know:

The problem isn’t that you’re resting wrong.
The problem is that rest bumps up against old beliefs—deep ones.

Beliefs like:

• “My worth is tied to what I produce.”
• “Other people’s needs matter more than mine.”
• “If I stop, I’ll fall behind.”

These beliefs don’t disappear when your calendar clears.
In fact, space amplifies them.
And so, we fill the space again—not out of desire, but out of guilt.

I see this pattern all the time: women who have technically slowed down, but emotionally and energetically? They’re still in fifth gear.

They overwork on their “off” days.
They sign up for new projects even though they promised themselves margin.
They clean the kitchen instead of taking the nap they’ve earned.
Not because they want to.
But because slowing down doesn’t feel safe.

Because in the stillness, what rises to the surface isn’t peace.
It’s the inner critic.
The conditioning.
The voice that says, “You’re not doing enough.”

And so we get back to work—not because we’re inspired, but because it helps us avoid the discomfort of being alone with those thoughts.

But here’s the truth:

You don’t need to fix how you rest.
You need to heal the story that says you only matter when you’re doing.

And that kind of healing doesn’t come from more productivity.
It comes from learning to sit with the discomfort of being enough—just as you are.
It comes from noticing the guilt and choosing not to obey it.
It comes from practicing rest not as a reward, but as a right.

So if rest feels hard, you’re not broken.
You’re brave.

You’re learning to untangle your worth from your work.
And that’s one of the most radical things you can do.

This month, I’m sharing a few gentle practices to help you explore your relationship with rest and self-worth. I invite you to give them a try and notice what surfaces. If old patterns start to rise, know that you don’t have to work through them alone—I would love to coach you through this process.

You don’t need to deserve rest.

You don’t need to fill your time to prove your value.

The discomfort you feel isn’t failure—it’s growth.

You’re unlearning the myth that your worth is measured in output.

And that, my friend, is powerful, rebellious, beautiful work.

***

Journal Prompts: Exploring Guilt, Stillness & Self-Worth

Take 5–10 minutes with one of these prompts. Be honest, unfiltered, and curious:

1. When I imagine doing “nothing,” I feel ______ because ______.
2. I feel most guilty about resting when ______.
3. Productivity makes me feel ______. Without it, I worry that I’m ______.
4. What do I believe others would think of me if I slowed down?
5. What would it look like to rest without earning it first?

Try This: Scheduling Intentional Stillness

Start small. One block of time—maybe 30 minutes to an hour—per week. Put it on your calendar with a label like:

• “Unstructured Time”
• “Sanctuary Hour”
• “Rest, Without Rules”
• “Just Because I Can”

Here’s the rule: You don’t plan what you’ll do ahead of time. No pressure to check something off or be productive. You’re not forbidden from doing things—you’re just forbidden from deciding in advance what’s “worthy” of that time.

This is not lazy. It’s training your nervous system to tolerate ease.

Take a Reset Moment

Need a moment to reset? My guided meditations on YouTube and short podcast episodes are always there to help you pause, breathe, and come back to yourself.

A Short Reflection Practice: “Permission to Pause”

Find a quiet space. Sit or lie down. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

Take a slow breath in. Let your body fill.

Exhale gently. Let your shoulders drop.

Say (out loud or silently):

“I don’t have to earn this moment.

I am allowed to rest.

I am safe when I am still.

I am worthy, even when I am not doing.”

Stay here for 1–3 minutes. Notice any resistance—and let it be.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

The way you think, feel, and act has a direct impact on the opportunities you create and the results you achieve. By adopting specific mental strategies, you can align your mind with your aspirations and unlock your potential. Here are three powerful mind hacks to help you get anything you want:

1. Live the Goal, NOW

One of the most effective ways to create the life you want is by visualizing your desired outcomes as though they’ve already happened. (Sound familiar? I started getting into this idea a few years ago, you can read about it here.) This strategy, often referred to as “pre-paving,” involves mentally rehearsing your future success, imagining every detail, and stepping into the version of yourself who has already achieved those goals. The key? FEELING yourself accomplishing that goal. Those feelings drive your actions and align your energy with the law of attraction. (Here’s a meditation to kickstart the process.)

Start by asking yourself:

• What does my life look like when I’ve achieved this?
• How do I feel?
• What steps did I take to get here?

When you visualize success vividly, your brain begins to interpret these thoughts as reality, motivating you to take the necessary actions to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

It’s also helpful to align your daily habits with your vision. Take small, consistent steps every day that move you closer to your goal. Whether it’s making a phone call, sending an email, learning a new skill, or affirming your intentions, every action reinforces your commitment. Over time, this process helps you build momentum and confidence. For instance, if you’re working on manifesting a keynote speaking gig at a regional women’s conference (too specific?), you can start writing that keynote TODAY. And when that’s done, start writing your NEXT keynote.

It’s all about asking yourself:

• If I had already achieved the goal, what would I be doing right now?
• If I knew my goal was inevitable, what would I do today to further it?

2. Stay Present, Be Mindful of Your Energy

As you work toward your goals, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and forget to check in with yourself. However, one of the most underrated keys to success is mindfulness—the practice of staying present and fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When life starts moving quickly, pause regularly to reflect on your progress. Ask yourself:

• How am I feeling right now?
• Are my actions aligned with my values and goals?

Practicing mindfulness helps you remain in tune with your emotions and ensures that you’re staying on track. This self-awareness allows you to make adjustments when necessary and avoid burnout. (Psst, this is one of the reasons why my approach to calendaring your life is essential—not just for your sanity but for creating your dreams. Check out my on-demand Time Mastery Workshop — unless you’re a client, in which case, check your coaching library .)

Mindfulness also keeps you grounded in the present moment. While planning for the future is important, obsessing over what’s ahead can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, focus on what you can do today to bring you closer to your goal. Celebrate small wins, appreciate your efforts, and trust the process.

3. Let it Go

Your past experiences, while valuable for learning and growth, can sometimes become roadblocks to your future success. Holding onto regrets, failures, or grievances can weigh you down and prevent you from fully embracing new opportunities.

To move forward, practice the art of letting go. This doesn’t mean ignoring your past but reframing it in a way that empowers you. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as lessons that have shaped your resilience and character. (Check out how to rewrite your past to transform your future in last month’s podcast.)

If certain memories or emotions still trigger negative feelings, consider journaling or meditating to process them. Ask yourself:

• What have I learned from this experience?
• How has it helped me grow?

By focusing on the lessons and releasing the pain, you create mental and emotional space for positive energy and new possibilities.

Letting go also applies to outdated beliefs about yourself. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed,” recognize that these are just thoughts—not truths. Challenge those limiting beliefs by replacing them with affirmations that resonate with you. Consider: “I am capable, worthy, and deserving of success.” Over time, this shift in mindset will help you step into your power and unlock your potential.

Putting It All Together

The key to achieving anything you want in life lies in mastering your mind. By visualizing your success, practicing mindfulness, and releasing limiting beliefs, you align your thoughts and actions with your deepest desires. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process that requires patience, consistency, and self-compassion.

Start small. Commit to one of these mind hacks today and see how it transforms your mindset and approach to life. Over time, you’ll not only achieve your goals but also grow into the best version of yourself. You have the power to create the life you want—one thought, one action, and one step at a time.

Photo by meo

As lawyers, we’re no strangers to stress, it is an inevitable (required?) part of life. But learning how to manage it effectively can significantly improve your mental and physical well-being. In today’s post, I’m sharing some simple yet powerful strategies to help you calm down when feeling stressed — these strategies are tested and proven to work for all busy women but especially attorneys. (We’re keeping it REAL simple around here!)

Trying not to cry? Fighting off a rage quit? These tools are available to you with minimal effort:

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing exercises help you center yourself and reduce the physiological effects of stress. Try one of these popular methods:

Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique:

Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose,

Hold your breath for 7 seconds,

Exhale slowly for 8 seconds through your mouth.

Try Square Breathing:

Also known as box breathing, this is equally simple and effective. It involves structured breathing in a rhythmic pattern that calms the nervous system.

Steps for Square Breathing:

Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.

Hold your breath for a count of 4.

Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4.

Hold for 4 seconds before repeating.

Visualization: While doing square breathing, imagine tracing the sides of a square in your mind. This can help you stay focused and relaxed.

You can repeat the process as many times as necessary, typically for 3-5 minutes, until you feel more relaxed. It’s especially useful in moments of acute stress or anxiety.

Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques connect you with the present moment, pulling your focus away from stressful thoughts and physical sensations. There are two main kinds of grounding:

Earthing Grounding Based in Physics: This method is a therapeutic technique that involves doing activities that “ground” or electrically reconnect you to the earth. This practice relies on earthing science and grounding physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can have positive effects on your body.

Try out Earth Grounding:

This can be as simple as walking barefoot on grass, lying down outdoors, or using grounding tools like grounding mats, sheets, blankets, socks, bands.

Psychological Grounding: Engage your senses to bring yourself back to the present. These techniques work by grounding you in the present moment and pulling you away from intrusive thoughts or feelings. In this way, you not only have your “feet on the ground” but also your “mind on the ground.” By turning our attention away from racing thoughts or worries, refocus on the present moment.

Try out Psychological Grounding:

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

Name 5 things you can see.

Name 4 things you can touch.

Name 3 things you can hear.

Name 2 things you can smell.

Name 1 thing you can taste.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

PMR is an effective way to reduce physical tension and psychological stress by alternately tensing and relaxing muscle groups throughout your body, from your toes to your head. When we tense our muscles before relaxing them, you enable yourself to relax them more thoroughly after you release them. This helps to more effectively release pent-up physical stress and leaves you feeling more relaxed overall.

Try out PMR:

Tense each muscle group for 5-10 seconds.

Release and relax that muscle group for 20-30 seconds before moving to the next.

Mindful Meditation

(You knew this coming!) Mindfulness meditation involves training your mind to focus on the present moment. This can help reduce racing thoughts and create a sense of calm. If you are new to meditation techniques, check out my podcast episode Meditation 101: Benefits and Basics to learn more about starting your own meditation practice.

Try out Mindful Meditation:

Sit quietly and focus on your breathing.

When your mind wanders, gently guide it back to your breath or a point of focus. Even a few minutes of mindful meditation can lower stress levels and promote relaxation.

Need help? Check out the Lawyer Life Podcast’s 5-minute meditation series, released every other Wednesday!

Move Your Legs!

Go for a walk. Taking a short walk, especially in nature, can reduce anxiety, depression, and even boost creativity. Studies have shown that just 10 minutes of walking can improve focus and elevate your mood. Try incorporating walking into your daily routine to manage stress more effectively.

Write it Out

Journaling allows you to process and express your emotions in a healthy way. In fact, 2018 research shows that writing down our deepest feelings and thoughts can improve our physical and psychological well-being. Writing down your thoughts can help you gain clarity, identify stress triggers, and manage your feelings.

Benefits of Journaling:

Identify fears and worried thinking that is causing stress or anxiety

Recognize triggers that exacerbate feelings of stress

Practice positive self-talk to build your confidence

Identify and reduce unhelpful thoughts and behaviors

Improves overall mental health by recognizing and addressing unhelpful thoughts.

Try out Journaling:

Write down your thoughts and feelings at this moment. Getting them out of your head and onto paper can provide relief and clarity.

Visualization

Visualization is a very simple relaxation technique that involves using your imagination to access positive feelings such as peacefulness, confidence, or motivation. Visualization can also help reduce feelings of nervousness.

Visualization involves creating a mental image of a peaceful or positive scenario, such as a tranquil beach, a personal goal, or a feeling of self-compassion.

Try out Visualization:

Close your eyes and imagine a serene scene that makes you feel calm and relaxed.

Focus on sensory details: sights, sounds, smells, and feelings.

Visualization can reduce the flight-or-fight response and ease nervousness, bringing a sense of peace.

Stretching

Stretching helps release muscle tension and improves your range of motion, posture, and overall relaxation. Incorporating stretches into your daily routine, especially at work, can reduce pain by up to 72%.

Try out Stretching:

Simple stretches for the neck, shoulders, and back can have immediate calming effects. A simple search on YouTube can help you find an office stretch routine that suits your needs and/or areas of pain.

Music or Sound Therapy

Confession: I have meditation or targeted hertz level music playing for at least 8 hours every day: my husband hates tolerates it, but I’m obsessed. Did you know that listening to calming music, nature sounds, or binaural beats can soothe your nervous system and reduce stress?!

But let’s take this even farter: Solfeggio frequencies, which range from 174 Hz to 963 Hz, have been found to generate vibrations in the body that promote relaxation, balance, and emotional well-being.

Interesting Fact: Ancient theories suggest that certain frequencies have the power to heal and even affect DNA positively. You can experiment with different frequencies and music styles to find what relaxes you the most.

Try it out:

You can easily search for healing/Solfeggio frequency playlists on Spotify and other music providers. My favorites: Pineal Glad Activation 963 Hz for your third eye chakra & healing + cleansing frequencies.

Hydrate and Nourish

Dehydration can intensify stress and anxiety. Basically, when you’re dehydrated, your body is stressed, and when you’re stressed your brain releases stress hormones, setting off a chain reaction of the stress response in your body.

Drinking water or eating a small, healthy snack can calm your physical stress responses. Staying hydrated helps your body stay balanced and less reactive to stress triggers.

These simple tools can help you manage daily stress and bring you back into a state of balance. Whether it’s deep breathing, grounding, stretching, or simply listening to relaxing sounds, incorporating these practices into your routine can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.

Try it out: Begin each day with a hydration plan — you do NOT need to carry a gallon jug around all day. Calculate your daily water intake goal and determine how many refills you need during your day to get there. Track your daily progress each day — habit tracker, anyone?

This month we are talking about life alignment and specifically evaluating whether or not our lives and our careers reflect our deepest intentions and align with the people that we want to be at our core.

But how do you know if you’re on the right path or if some adjustments need to be made?

There is something about that exploration that is so primal and so awesome that our immediate response is often to ignore the very weight of it. That’s when you know you’re asking the right questions and it’s time to look deeper.

With so many options and societal pressures, it’s easy to get lost or end up pursuing a path that doesn’t truly resonate with you. But what if you could tap into your inner guidance to uncover a career that aligns with who you truly are? Here’s a guide to help you discover what you really want to do with your career, using one simple tool in the process.

New me, who dis?

Before you can figure out what you truly want to do, you need to understand who you are. This involves digging deep into your passions, values, strengths, and interests. Consider the following questions as a starting point:

• What activities make you lose track of time or put you into a “flow” state?
• What topics could you talk about for hours without getting bored?
• What do people often come to you for advice about?

Reflecting on these questions helps you tap into your innate interests and strengths, which are essential clues to your ideal career.

Document your journey!

When my first marriage started to slowly crumble around me and I was tap dancing on the edge of a dark depression, journaling was one of the tools that helped me get my head back on straight and see true north again. Journaling is one of the most powerful tools for self-discovery because it allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental space, uncovering insights that might otherwise remain hidden.

By regularly journaling, we become more in tune with our intuition and inner voice. Writing allows us to access insights and guidance that might otherwise remain buried in our subconscious. It’s a way of listening to ourselves and discovering truths that can guide our decisions and actions.

Try out the questions above or these journaling prompts to get started:

• What does my ideal day look like?
  Write in detail about your ideal workday. Where are you working? What tasks are you performing? How do you feel throughout the day? This exercise can reveal aspects of your ideal career environment and tasks that bring you joy.

• What did I love doing as a child?
  Children naturally gravitate toward activities that excite them. Reconnecting with these early passions can guide you toward a career that feels authentic and fulfilling. (Psst, did you hear my revelation on the podcast about my childhood forays with telekinesis?! I was (am?) a weird kid, simple as that.)

What do I really care about?

Your core values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and behavior. When your career aligns with your values, you’re more likely to feel satisfied and motivated. Spend time journaling about what truly matters to you. Is it creativity, helping others, financial security, freedom, or something else? Use a journal to identify your top five core values. Once you’ve identified them, reflect on how these values can be integrated into your career. For instance, if “helping others” is a top value, you might thrive in a career centered on service or support.

Be open and flexible

So often we get caught up in the “hows” of life. We want to know exactly what our path forward will look like before we decide whether we want to embark on it. But that’s just not how life works! Often times, the only way to discover your true career path is through continued faith and experimentation. The beauty of this approach is that you don’t have to flip a switch and become a new person overnight. Instead, you can take on small projects, freelance work, or volunteer opportunities in the areas that interest you and see where those take you. This hands-on experience can provide clarity about what you enjoy and where your strengths lie. You might even use your newfound journaling skills to unpack the experiments and see what you liked or didn’t like about it…

Use your resources!

Talking to others who are already in fields you’re interested in can provide valuable insights. Reach out to professionals for informational interviews, join relevant networking groups, or find a mentor who can guide you through the process. Sometimes, an external perspective can illuminate aspects of yourself or your career path that you hadn’t considered. (It’s me, I’m a resource!)

Take a good look at it.

Visualization is a powerful technique to connect with your future self and your desired career. Spend time imagining your life five or ten years from now. Picture your career, your lifestyle, and how you feel in this future scenario. In your journal, write a detailed description of your future self, including your career, accomplishments, and daily life. This exercise helps you clarify your goals and align your actions with your desired future. Don’t skip this step! You don’t need to know your exact path forward but you do need to have a sense of the direction you want to be heading and visualization will help you clarify that direction.

Trust the Process

Figuring out what you truly want to do with your career is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to change directions, make mistakes, and take time to explore. Trust that each step you take is bringing you closer to a career that resonates with your true self. With your ideal future in mind, ask yourself what simple steps you could take today to move toward that idea. Progress is made through consistent, intentional steps.

Conclusion

Finding your true career path is a deeply personal journey that requires introspection, exploration, and patience. By embracing self-discovery and using journaling as a tool, you can uncover a career that not only fulfills you but also aligns with your authentic self. Remember, the answers are within you; it’s just a matter of giving yourself the time and space to discover them.

When I was reeling from the impact of my divorce and trying to navigate the trauma following a decade of abuse, I went home to visit my parents. I noticed that my mom had picked up a new piece of art — some Banksy knockoff that included a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald. She never said anything to me about the art or its meaning but I always felt like it was directed at me–I was, after all, the only child that was presently burning down her entire life only to begin anew, despite the very responsible lives my brothers were leading. I always felt like it was her silent confirmation that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right choice. It made me feel seen. It made me feel brave. To this day, I love this quote so much and offer it to you all here in hopes that it will similarly inspire you as well.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

― Francis Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok

What if your habit of negative thinking is actually affecting your physical health? 

A notable figure in this exploration is Dr. Masaru Emoto, who in the 1990s conducted experiments on water crystals. These experiments involved exposing water to various stimuli like words, prayers, music, and environments, then freezing the water to observe its crystalline structure. His question was simple–is it possible that our words and intentions can ‘leave their mark’ on the physical world?

Dr. Masaru Emoto’s most well-known experiments involved exposing water to various words, thoughts, and emotions and then observing the resulting changes in the water’s molecular structure. Dr. Emoto found that positive emotions such as love, gratitude, and joy resulted in beautifully symmetrical and pleasing water crystals. Conversely, negative emotions like anger, hate, and fear led to distorted and chaotic crystal formations. These findings suggest that emotions can significantly impact water’s molecular structure.

Given that the human body is composed of about 60% water and 75% of our brain is water, these results prompt us to consider how our emotions might affect our overall well-being. Dr. Emoto’s research suggests that by nurturing positive emotions within ourselves, we may positively influence our own molecular structure and promote better health.

Dr. Emoto’s work serves as a metaphor for understanding the broader implications of emotional states. Just as negative emotions disrupt water crystals, they may also disrupt our well-being and essential processes. Recognizing this encourages us to cultivate positivity not only for our personal health but also for the interconnectedness of life as a whole. I don’t want to get into the broader implications of collective consciousness and all that but you can imagine the larger implications of this idea if it were to take hold on a larger, more global scale.

Disclaimer: Dr. Emoto’s concepts have garnered both praise and doubt among scientists. His experiments sparked curiosity and encouraged more exploration, but some experts questioned how he conducted his research and whether his results could be reliably replicated. It’s crucial to recognize that in science, rigorous experimentation and peer-reviewed studies are necessary to establish solid evidence and draw definitive conclusions.

In potentially a random segue, anyone recall Ikea’s anti-bullying campaign from 2018? As you may recall, Ikea held a famous PR campaign where they conducted an (albeit nonscientific) experiment on the impact of our words and emotions on plants. The experiment took place in anticipation of Anti-Bullying Day, and they encouraged kids to “bully” one plant and compliment the other. Over the course of 30 days, the plants grew in the same conditions. The plant that received compliments thrived, while the bullied one became wilted and droopy. While this may seem unrelated, consider that the majority of volume in a plant cell is water (water typically comprises 80 to 90 percent of the plant’s total weight). For those of you interested, talking to plants (versus water) is a whole separate but seemingly related rabbit hole you can explore.

Whether or not one fully embraces the idea that our thoughts and words can influence water molecules, there is a growing recognition that cultivating positive thoughts and emotions can contribute to a more balanced and harmonious life. One way to do this mindfulness which is at the core of a lot of the work that we do in coaching.

What is mindfulness exactly? It’s one of the most popular meditation techniques, centered around two key components: attention and acceptance.

Attention involves focusing on the present moment by tuning into your experiences. This typically includes directing awareness to your breath, thoughts, physical sensations, and emotions.

Acceptance is about observing these feelings and sensations without judgment. Instead of reacting, the goal is to acknowledge them and let them pass.

Researchers suggest that mindfulness benefits may stem from its ability to reduce the body’s response to stress. Studies in psychological science indicate that mindfulness affects different pathways in the brain linked to stress, leading to changes in brain structures and activity in regions responsible for attention and emotion regulation.

It’s clear that an abundance of research suggests that paying closer attention to our thoughts is a simple way to increase your overall wellbeing and reduce stress. As I discuss in this month’s podcast, mindfulness meditation was the first turning point for me in my legal practice. It was the first thing I started to really connect with that allowed me to find peace amidst the chaos. Be sure to tune in to this month’s podcast where we explore brain habits and neuroplasticity and announce upcoming free mindfulness meditations.

In the meantime, I highly recommend going online to explore images from Dr. Emoto’s experiments and see the molecules produced by positive and negative words. One of the videos I watched opened with a question that I felt would be fitting to leave you with today:

Words can heal, words can hurt, what did yours do today?

It’s not uncommon for attorneys to question their sanity in the face of a dysfunctional work environment which is all too common in the legal industry. Today we are digging into endemic toxicity in the legal industry to help you better understand whether your workplace is a danger to your mental health and long term well-being and what to do about it.

As you may know, in the Collective we have spent the entire month of March exploring the ins and outs of relationships. This month we are exploring a related topic: how to transform relationships and start advocating for ourselves. This month’s newsletter and podcast episodes are packed with actionable steps to help you start taking action to transform toxic workplaces and relationships and start using your voice more effectively.

It may come as no surprise to many of you that a 2022 study in the MIT Sloan Management Review cited toxic work cultures as the top driver of employee attrition. The study concluded that toxic work cultures drove employees out the exit door faster than job insecurity or lack of recognition for performance. The report noted that the leading contributors to toxic work cultures include: failure to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion; workers feeling disrespected; and unethical behavior.

This study sheds light on several red flags that should not be ignored and may very well indicate a toxic work environment which could wreak havoc on your well-being and productivity. Below are a few of the common toxic characteristics identified by studies and ones that I see most often in my own experience working with hundreds of women lawyers:

Common Red Flags in the Legal Industry:

High Turnover Rates: A consistently high turnover rate can indicate that employees are not satisfied or are experiencing difficulties in the workplace. Not only does high turnover rate indicate significant workplace challenges, it also suggests higher pressure and workloads on those continually left behind due to ongoing attrition issues.  For those of you entering the job market or looking to make a move, asking about turnover rates can be critical in avoiding this sign of a toxic workplace. 

Poor Communication: Lack of open, honest, and transparent communication between management and employees, or among team members, can create confusion, misunderstandings, and resentment. IMHO This one is all too common in the legal industry. Productive feedback is rarely provided and passive aggression is generally the preferred approach. This toxic characteristic not only makes it difficult for you to hone your skills and understand your strengths but ultimately is detrimental to your clients.

Micromanagement: Excessive control or micromanagement by supervisors can stifle creativity, demotivate employees, and create a sense of distrust. Micromanagement in the legal industry makes it difficult to complete work efficiently and effectively but also prevents attorneys from developing their own approach and style within their practice. Over time, this leads to senior attorneys who are insecure in their abilities to operate independently.

Lack of Work-Life Balance: Expectations of long working hours, constant availability, or pressure to sacrifice personal time can lead to burnout and decreased job satisfaction. This one needs little explanation. If you look around at your coworkers and do not see a single person whose life you would like to emulate, there is a good likelihood that the organization has a low tolerance for healthy work-life balance.

Unclear Expectations: When employees are unsure about their roles, responsibilities, or performance expectations, it can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of incompetence. This issue becomes particularly prevalent as attorneys advance in their career. As you become more senior and approach partnership, your responsibilities should similarly evolve and there should be a clear understanding of what is required to advance to partnership. Where those requirements are undisclosed or amorphous, the situation is ripe for further discussion and clarification or a speedy exit.

Resistance to Change: An organization that is resistant to change or innovation may become stagnant, hindering growth opportunities for employees and the company as a whole. This has become more and more common in the legal industry. In my experience, today’s generation of attorneys are unwilling to accept “this is just how we’ve always done things” or to tolerate firms that are unwilling to concede any need for growth or evolution. I have witnessed countless attorneys leave firms due to stagnant hiring practices, lack of DEI investment, archaic return to office policies, and inflexible (or nonexistent) family leave protocols. If you see an organization seemingly stuck in the dark ages my recommendation is to have frank conversations as early as possible to best understand the organization’s willingness to evolve.

Lack of Support for Growth and Development: When opportunities for learning, training, and career advancement are scarce, employees may feel stuck and unfulfilled in their roles. This toxic trait exists at all levels of the legal industry from baby lawyers looking to develop fresh new skills to young partners wanting to understand business development and management. If your workplace is not willing to provide that level of support and mentorship I strongly encourage you to explore alternative avenues for support.

While the foregoing are just a handful of the toxic characteristics identified in recent studies and that I have witnessed in the legal industry, there are countless others that is simple Google search can highlight.

Identifying these red flags as early as possible and taking steps to address them is crucial for fostering a healthy and productive work environment. If you find yourself disconnected from your workplace struggling to access motivation and disengaged from your work, you may be suffering the side effects brought on by a toxic workplace. Overcoming a toxic workplace can be challenging, but it’s essential for your well-being and professional growth.

 What to do in the face of toxic workplaces

• Identify the toxic behaviors: Be aware of your organizations toxic traits.
• Maintain professionalism: While it’s important to address toxic behavior, it’s equally crucial to remain professional. Avoid engaging in negative behavior yourself and focus on your work.
• Seek support: Talk to a coach, trusted colleagues, or friends outside of work about your experiences. Sometimes, simply sharing your feelings can provide relief.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between your work life and personal life. Don’t let toxic behavior consume you outside of work hours.
• Document incidents: Keep a record of any incidents of toxic behavior, including dates, times, and details of what occurred. This documentation can be helpful if you decide to escalate the issue.
• Address the issue directly: If you feel comfortable, consider addressing the toxic behavior directly with the individual(s) involved. Check out the podcast this month to learn how to have difficult conversations and negotiate on your behalf.
• Talk to HR or management: If the toxic behavior persists or escalates, consider discussing the issue with HR or management. Present your documentation and express your concerns about the impact of the toxicity on your well-being and productivity.
• Seek alternatives: If the toxic environment persists despite your efforts, start exploring other job opportunities. Your mental and emotional health should not be compromised for the sake of a job.
• Focus on self-care: Engage in activities outside of work that help you relax and recharge. This could include exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or seeking therapy.
• Know when to walk away: Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a toxic workplace may not change. In such cases, it’s important to prioritize your well-being and consider leaving for a healthier work environment.

Want more on these topics? Check out this month’s newsletter and related Lawyer Life Podcast episodes where we dig into to how to transform relationships and how to have difficult conversations!

Clarity first.

First and foremost, when we embark on this journey, we have to get very clear on what you want. I discuss this topic at length in various other articles but the point is worth repeating here: make sure that you are not running away from a problem that is simply going to follow you wherever you take your career. To do this, we ask why you want to leave your practice and then consider:

• Is that reason strong enough to push you through the highs and lows that will inevitably come when you strike out on your own?

If you’re not clear on this point, one simple experiment can help elucidate this. Spend a month carefully analyzing your every day experiences. Commit to devoting one month of your life to thoughtfully examining every high and every low — at work and out of work. The goal is to figure out what types of activities, environments, tasks, people, spark joy for you and which ones rob you of energy and motivation. Consider the following prompts:

• Were there parts of your day that filled you up and excited you? Why?
• Were there things that you were doing that sparked joy or put you in a flow state? Why?
• What parts of your day drained your energy? Why?
• What parts of your day energized you? Why?
• What parts of your day made it difficult for you to engage with the activity at hand? Why?
• What activities made it difficult for you to stay engaged? Why?

Working through this kind of an examination will help you get clear on the parts of your life/career that are sapping your energy or are no longer engaging. This kind of an examination may provide a simple road map for adjustments that can be made to find more happiness and fulfillment in your existing state. You might be surprised at the parts of your day that got you into a flow state. You might even start to notice patterns that could help you re-design your practice to include more of those things, no exit required.

In contrast, this experiment may provide a wake up call. If you find that your work life rarely provides activities that energize you, excite you, or put you into a flow state, it’s likely that small adjustments will not resolve the issue and a pivot may be in order.

When I conducted this analysis myself what I realized was a bit startling. I no longer felt energized by the area of law or the challenges presented to me on a daily basis. I felt disconnected from their import and found it difficult to drum up the energy to be engaged with the work. I was bogged down in meetings and interactions that no longer felt meaningful for me and took more energy than they gave. I had limited opportunities to participate in the type of activities that brought me into a flow state and energized me. In short 99% of my days were filled with projects, topics, and interactions that not only failed to engage my mind but left me feeling drained. I felt like I wasn’t working very hard but I was EXHAUSTED every day because every task was draining me (because it was a bad fit).  A further examination of the things outside of work that did put me into a flow state and energized me helped me to set the stage for my pivot.

Money second.

Second, get clear on your finances. This is the most significant impediment you will run into that will keep you from taking the leap. Spending time here will help you be brave and know how much runway you have to make it happen. Consider primarily, how much does it cost you to live for one month right now?

If you don’t know the answer to that question, making any dramatic change to your life where your income may suddenly be uncertain should be out of the question. In order to give space to what we want to build and the life that we want to create we have to allow that endeavor the freedom to breathe and grow absent the pressure that it also support you and replace your income on Day One. While it may seem obvious, many of the women that I talk to don’t know where their money goes on a daily basis. They don’t have clarity around their miscellaneous expenses that could be easily cut and they are not clear on the amount of pretax money that would be needed to support their after tax lifestyle.

Without this information, it is difficult to imagine that a pivot is possible and we relinquish our power to those lovely golden handcuffs. Once we know our bare minimum expenses and our cushion expenses we can get a sense of how much money we need to save to protect this Great Baby Dream that we are growing.

For me, I knew that not only did I have fixed expenses that I needed to save for but I also had a lifestyle that I was not willing to let go of while I was making the pivot. This meant that my savings projection for the pivot needed to include ample amounts of cash for travel and fun money. I wasn’t willing to make the pivot and live like an aesthete – I knew that would kill my spirit and make it more difficult for me to enjoy this time and embrace the journey.

Time to Plan.

Third, develop a detailed plan. This may seem obvious but it’s more subtle than you’d think. The most difficult part about leaving a formal job is that the options suddenly available to you are endless as well as the projects and tasks that you want to accomplish. Suddenly we are drowning in dreams, goals, to-dos, and possibilities. Develop a clear plan addressing the most important items first. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by all of the things that you want to do in this new creative space where you now have an abundance of time. But suddenly those distractions and fleeting desires and experiments can overrun you and make it difficult to make any real progress on the goal. We have to exercise restraint and constrain our focus to ensure that we give the dream the most ample opportunity to succeed. This may mean deciding which areas of your dream to focus on in the short term and planning to attend to the others later on and sticking to it.

When I started my pivot, two of the things I knew I wanted to tackle right out of the gate were to get my podcast up and running and finalize my book draft for a final round of editing. For the first several months after leaving my formal legal practice, I focused exclusively on those items and let everything else go. That’s not to say the moment I quit the job I wasn’t excited to start preparing online courses, start doing mail marketing, hone my video editing skills, hosting webinars, and start pursuing speaking engagements at law firms…I wanted to do all of those things and I wanted to do all of them yesterday! But I had to carefully choose where I would be focusing my time each week and to lean HEAVILY my calendar and daily schedule that reflected my bigger plan. It’s painful to constrain portions of your dream when you finally have the flexibility and ability to bring it out into the light but you must do this or risk sabotaging your dream before you’ve even gotten two steps out the door.

A New Me!

Fourth, embrace a new identity. This is a big one and it’s a painful one. I hear this all the time: I’m not sure who I am if I’m not a lawyer…can I still call myself a lawyer…are people going to judge me?

Who are we if we’re not practicing lawyers? How would we describe ourselves to other people? Can we still call ourselves lawyers? All of these questions are important to tackle because they will impact your ability to promote your new endeavor, to speak confidently about it, and believe in its efficacy.

If we don’t have a clear sense of our new identity and who we are in this space we will always be looking backwards to the identity that we left behind and wondering if that version of ourselves is the truer one. Perhaps this should be our first step in making the pivot but wherever you tackle it make sure that you give it the time and attention it deserves. Part of our job in building a new business is getting out there and meeting people, telling them who you are, what you do, and what problem you can solve for them. If we’re having those conversations and still believing that we should be attorneys and that that identity is more important than the identity that we are building, we have failed before we’ve even begun. We must find a place for our new identity and our new path to merge and coexist with our identity as attorneys. And that might just mean no longer sharing with people, I’m an attorney, but letting that be something that potentially comes out later, if at all, and being OK with that.

Protect Your Identity

Last and this is one that I get a lot of challenge on but I maintain its importance: be thoughtful who you share your dream with. Not everyone in your orbit is responsible enough to be trusted with your dream in its infancy. It’s not about hiding your new identity and it’s not about being shameful for the path that you’ve chosen, it’s about putting yourself in the best position to believe that it’s possible. The people in your life that have known you all of this time will always think of you as that attorney. They have their preconceived notions about who you are and what you’re capable of based upon your prior path. It’s possible that this new identity and this new adventure will contradict everything they thought they knew about you and cause some dissonance for them that will ultimately come out of their mouth at you. That is not going to be helpful for you in this journey and embracing your new identity.

In time you can share this endeavor with everyone in your orbit but at its infancy, be thoughtful and careful who you let in on your dream in order to protect yourself and your dream as it grows. Once you have gotten comfortable with the new identity and it starts to feel like the real you, then you can wear in out into the public in front of everyone who might challenge it and it won’t matter as much because you will have fostered your own belief in its rightness. Their criticism will then only strengthen you instead of making you second guess yourself.

If you are looking to make a pivot in your career, I would love to meet you and hear about your plans. I know first hand how challenging and lonely it can be and I am so thankful for every opportunity that I have to lend support to other brave women making their own way!

It’s rare that I meet an associate attorney who is not plagued by this question. Once you get to a certain point in your practice, you can’t help but wonder — what’s next? Whether or not to make partner often looms large on the horizon as we struggle with the demands of practicing law.

If we’re not here to make partner then what is this all for? If we make partner what does that even mean?

If you are struggling to wrap your arms about what you want for your career, schedule a free consult session and work with me to explore your reasoning and start taking decisive action one way or another!

In order to unravel this quagmire, I recommend examining the following steps. (Yet more instructions because that’s what we’re good at!)

Examine your why.

Why do you want to make partner? Why is it important to you?

There is no wrong or right answer to this question. The only thing that matters is that your reasoning resonates with you. For many of my clients they want to become partner so that they can be an example of what’s possible to all the other women around them and all the young girls who will come after them. For others, it’s simply the culmination of this journey. They want to check it off of their list before moving onto other things. Whatever your reasoning may be, it’s crucial that we keep that front and center to carry us through the inevitable hardships that will come in pursuit of this goal (as with any goal). Knowing our reason for acting will help us do the hard things that may be asked of us on the next leg of the trek.

If you don’t like your reasoning–for instance, if your reasoning is: I want to make partner because I feel like I should, and you realize that doesn’t resonate with you and that won’t be enough to push through the attendant hardships–your next task is to explore whether you want to make a change or whether you simply want to embrace where you are. That realization alone can be jarring and if you want support to figure out what this means for your journey, grab a free consultation and get some clarity.

For those wanting to explore the journey to partnership…

Next we start gathering information and making a plan.

If, assuming that you like your reasoning, you decide that you want to pursue partnership, our next course of action is to develop a plan. We have to get some clarity around this murky process. Every firm has a different approach but what I have found universally to be true is that the requirements for partnership are murky and subjective at best. In order to determine how to unpack this project we have to examine the information that is readily offered to us. This will likely require conversations with the partners that manage our workflow or oversee our practice to get a sense of the general requirements for partnership.

From there, we have to develop a list of action items and information to ferret out.  Are there skills that you believe you need to develop to make partner? Are there skills the firm wants you to develop to make partner? Are there people that you need on your side? Who are the individuals that have input into your qualifications for partnership? What types of partnerships are available and what do those entail? How will your responsibilities change when you make partner? How will partnership impact your compensation and benefits?

Often, our uncertainty (and lack of action) around partnership is because we don’t know the answers to these questions. If we are going to make this happen for us and on our timeline we need to start understanding how some of these questions fit into the broader picture.

The biggest mistake I see attorneys make is that they treat partnership as if it were something 100% outside of their control and they allow the firm and the partners to drive the boat. They wait for the firm to tell them when they are ready to be admitted into this exclusive club and they wait for the firm to provide the answers to some of the critical questions about partnership. This lack of clarity and uncertain timeframes is what causes many of us to bristle and leave before fully exploring this opportunity. We let partnership be an exclusive club and we tire of waiting for the invitation. Instead, I propose that we plant outside right outside the club door and start knocking (loudly).

Rather than waiting for the firm to tell us the process and let us know when they are ready for us, we must instead seek out the information that we want and force those around us to tell us what it will take. With that information in hand, our goal is to develop some form of accountability in the relationship with the firm. We want to know what is expected of you so that we can hold the firm accountable once you have met those qualifications. It’s all about open and transparent communications about the process and the expectations so that there can be no misunderstandings once those requirements are satisfied. We must take ownership of our path and seek out clarity in an overly opaque system. In sum, we must endeavor to make what seems to be a subjective process into an objective one.

Next, we take action.

Once we have some answers to the above questions we can start developing a plan. If there are certain skills and projects that the firm wants you to develop before making partnership it’s time for you to start working with those around you to find opportunities to develop those skills. Additionally, it’s time for you to communicate those needs to those around you, asking how you can make those skills a reality. Letting everyone around you know what your goals are and the skills that you’re wanting to develop will provide an opportunity for everyone around you to support this endeavor (or not). Either way, you will secure essential information for you to have as you determine your future course of action. With this information, we can work with those around us to satisfy these goals, to learn the things that are being asked of us, and to check in periodically on the status of our progress to partnership.

That brings us to our final step:

Accountability.

Once we have a plan and we’ve let everyone around us in on that plan, we must check in and hold those around us accountable for our achievement of those benchmarks. If there is some expectation that you satisfy certain metrics or develop certain skills before the firm will consider you for partnership, it is essential that we have individuals around us who will tell us when those goals have been satisfied. In order to do so, we must continually check in with those individuals to understand our progress on the path. To do otherwise is to give complete control over our progression to everyone else. In this step, we hold the firm accountable for the expectations that they have communicated and we strive to ensure that we are doing everything possible to satisfy those expectations and to gain clarity when we have not met the mark (or when the metrics suddenly change).

These steps are intended to take our power back. To no longer let the firm drive the boat of partnership but rather give us a road map to making it a reality. While you may or may not make partner at the end of all these steps above, what you will know for certain is whether you can trust your firm and whether they are willing to be held accountable for the expectations being communicated to you. That information will not only inform the relationship, it will be invaluable to you in determining where you go from there.

I have helped hundreds of attorneys on their journey and many of my clients have pursued partnership successfully (and often early) using the above steps. If partnership is something you want to pursue, please don’t hesitate to schedule a call with me and let me support you!

Photo by Jo Kassis

After so many years of working to become an attorney many of my clients find themselves in a position where they suddenly realize that being a lawyer is not everything that they thought it would be. They find themselves bristling against everything that their practice is asking of them. They don’t like the hours, they don’t like the demands, they’re not particularly interested in the work, and they can’t help but wonder:

Is there something wrong with me or is there something wrong with the job?

Today I want to explore a simple exploration you can undertake to get to the bottom of this critical and terrifying question.

(If this is a struggle you are going through, I strongly encourage you to sign up for a free coaching session. I would love to help you get clarity around your career and settle those feelings of discomfort.)

Early in my career, it was made abundantly clear to me that, with respect to my lawyering path, I only had one of two choices to make. I could provide advice and counsel or I could be a project attorney like a litigator or a deal lawyer.

Advice and counsel lawyers deal with the ongoing business side of their clients. This work involves day-to-day advice and support regarding contracts, business initiatives and general business operations. In contrast, “project” lawyers are those who ride the waves of cases and deals. Those attorneys may be staffed on a handful of deals or cases at any particular time but largely their work centers around one significant event in the life of their client’s business. At the close of that event, the parties typically go their merry ways or start another, similar transaction.

I knew well enough in law school that I did not want to be a litigator however I did not have a sense of what it meant to be a deal attorney or to provide advice and counsel. When I first started my practice I worked in a larger corporate finance group that housed not only employee benefits, ERISA, intellectual property work but also mergers and acquisitions. Given that my early years of practicing occurred during the recession of 2009 I was lucky enough to be cast as the one and only associate for the entire corporate finance group. As a result, I was exposed to both transactional and deal work. While I certainly enjoyed the thrill and excitement of a deal: the last minute fire drills and being able to come together as a team to succeed towards an overarching goal, I quickly came to realize that the lifestyle and demands of deal work was simply not for me.

In contrast, the advice and counsel work allowed me to develop more of an ongoing relationship and understanding of my clients and manage my workload in a manner that allowed me to have something closer to that ever elusive 9 to 5 job. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like the deal work but rather I didn’t like the lifestyle of the deal work. The challenges were enjoyable on both fronts but I simply realized that the life I was wanting was not consistent with deal work. Fast forward years later, I had a conversation with the corporate finance practice group chair and was able to focus my work into one of the many subsets of corporate finance instead of bouncing around amongst all the groups. I was finally able to enjoy the advice/counsel side of things and get away from the deal work.

Through that experience I realized that I would be happy doing any kind of work that challenged me intellectually but what really filled my happiness bucket was stimulating work that also allowed me to have some predictability and stability in my life.

As a coach, I work with attorneys of all different kinds of backgrounds and I have many clients who are deal attorneys and litigators who thrive on the life cycles of their deals and cases. They enjoy the excitement they enjoy the thrill on the rush that comes with working towards an overarching goal and they appreciate the ebbs and flows of that work. In contrast I also work with a variety of more transactional attorneys who thoroughly enjoy having a day that’s a little bit more predictable and being able to develop that long term relationship with their clients. Both types of work have their place in the legal industry and within law firms. Our challenge is discerning which type of work is more in alignment with who we are and what we want our lives to be. I firmly believe that as attorneys we enjoy intellectual stimulations stimulation and intellectual challenge. With that in mind, I also believe that we could practice in nearly any area of law and find happiness.

The question is what type of lifestyle do we want to have that accompanies that intellectual stimulation? That is where the ultimate decision between advice/counsel work and deal/case work comes into play.

If you find yourself lashing out against the realities of your particular practice area I encourage you to ask simply: am I just coming to realize which type of work I want to do?

It is not uncommon for attorneys that I work with to come to me completely certain that there is something wrong with them and that they’re simply not cut out for practicing law. When I push them on this conclusion what I often find is they’re struggling with the realities and the demands of the particular type of work that they find themselves in. For those clients, I encourage them to consider whether their experience is simply a realization of the type of work that they want to do rather than a condemnation of their skill sets and abilities.

Is it possible that nothing has gone wrong? Is it possible that you have simply learned through experience the type of work that you don’t want to do?

I have never met a client who is simply not cut out for practicing law. We must not forget how much work we put in to get here and how many opportunities we had to wash out and to be told that we are in the wrong place.

Now here we are doing the thing we’ve been working so hard for and finally we are the ones telling ourselves that we are not cut out for this. Why would we choose to do that? There is so much evidence to the contrary!

What if instead of making this about ourselves (as we humans are often prone to do) we instead saw our unhappiness as good information to inform our next career decision. We can use our experience to teach us more about the types of work we actually want to do. Then we can set out to find it.

Photo by Anna Tarazevich

I remember one afternoon, we were playing “tag” on the dirt bikes. My older brother was “it” and I was riding around the backside of the farm. As usual, our farm was filled with random equipment and machinery scattered around the barns, out-buildings and grain bins. As I was running (riding?!) away from my brothers on this motorcycle, I had my head on a swivel, constantly checking behind me to see whether or not they were closing in on me. At the time, my dad was putting new tin sheet metal on one of our barns which meant that there was a flatbed trailer on the backside of the farm that had stacks of incredibly sharp sheet metal on it. As I flew around the corner to the backside of the farm, looking all around, hoping that my brothers hadn’t seen me yet, I failed to notice the flatbed trailer sitting right in front of me. When I finally turned my attention back to my path, I realized that I was quickly closing in on this sheet metal death trap sitting right at the height of my neck. I also realized in that moment that the brakes on my motorcycle were pretty much non-existent from years of idiocy by my brothers and I. Instantly, I knew I had to dump the bike to avoid the sheet metal at my neck. As I went down, the sheet metal caught me across my upper chest as I dove to the ground and left a long slice across my upper body, leaving a scar I still have to this day.

I think about this experience every time I have the urge to burn it all down –

When is time to change course and abandon ship? How do you know if you should stay and work it out or just wipe the slate clean and start again?

Sometimes in life we don’t pay attention to all the warning signs and everything that’s happening in front of us. Instead we’re so focused on small distractions or we’re mentally lingering in the future or the past that we overlook all the warning signs right in front of us.

Logically, we know that our difficult experiences have a lot to teach us about our own inner work. It doesn’t mean that learning those lessons and putting in the work on ourselves needs to be done in the middle of a hurricane. Sometimes it’s admirable to walk away with your head still intact, start with a clean slate, and do the work from a new vantage point. Sometimes it’s okay to recognize that the space you are in is hurting you and that you need a fresh start.

It’s perfectly acceptable to just abandon ship and pull the plug if that’s what you need to survive. There’s nothing wrong with getting out when you have gotten in too far over your head.

Do I regret that scar? Absolutely not. I know that if I had continued on my path I would have been hurt much more significantly. I did what I had to do to get out. No regrets, no second-guessing. I can apply that same logic to various instances in my life when I simply threw in the towel and walked away — I did it for my own safety and no one else and that was enough for me.

Are you looking to make a fresh start? There’s no better time to let in support to ensure that when you start anew, you show up differently and create a better, brighter future.

Perhaps those experiences of chaos are intended to wake you up to the work that you actually need to do on yourself and that is all the learning you need to take from that place.

The point of the experience may not be to force you to do your own inner work in the middle of the hurricane. Perhaps it’s that you need to see that the hurricane always exists, at least partly, within you as well as around you. From that realization sometimes leaving and getting space is the only way to actually start doing the work on yourself.

Beethoven never wrote a beautiful sonata while he was drowning. You don’t have to “fix” your issues while you are burning alive. Sometimes it’s just okay to leave and start again because sometimes that is the only way you can do the work.

“I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you are not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by cottonbro