What if your habit of negative thinking is actually affecting your physical health? 

A notable figure in this exploration is Dr. Masaru Emoto, who in the 1990s conducted experiments on water crystals. These experiments involved exposing water to various stimuli like words, prayers, music, and environments, then freezing the water to observe its crystalline structure. His question was simple–is it possible that our words and intentions can ‘leave their mark’ on the physical world?

Dr. Masaru Emoto’s most well-known experiments involved exposing water to various words, thoughts, and emotions and then observing the resulting changes in the water’s molecular structure. Dr. Emoto found that positive emotions such as love, gratitude, and joy resulted in beautifully symmetrical and pleasing water crystals. Conversely, negative emotions like anger, hate, and fear led to distorted and chaotic crystal formations. These findings suggest that emotions can significantly impact water’s molecular structure.

Given that the human body is composed of about 60% water and 75% of our brain is water, these results prompt us to consider how our emotions might affect our overall well-being. Dr. Emoto’s research suggests that by nurturing positive emotions within ourselves, we may positively influence our own molecular structure and promote better health.

Dr. Emoto’s work serves as a metaphor for understanding the broader implications of emotional states. Just as negative emotions disrupt water crystals, they may also disrupt our well-being and essential processes. Recognizing this encourages us to cultivate positivity not only for our personal health but also for the interconnectedness of life as a whole. I don’t want to get into the broader implications of collective consciousness and all that but you can imagine the larger implications of this idea if it were to take hold on a larger, more global scale.

Disclaimer: Dr. Emoto’s concepts have garnered both praise and doubt among scientists. His experiments sparked curiosity and encouraged more exploration, but some experts questioned how he conducted his research and whether his results could be reliably replicated. It’s crucial to recognize that in science, rigorous experimentation and peer-reviewed studies are necessary to establish solid evidence and draw definitive conclusions.

In potentially a random segue, anyone recall Ikea’s anti-bullying campaign from 2018? As you may recall, Ikea held a famous PR campaign where they conducted an (albeit nonscientific) experiment on the impact of our words and emotions on plants. The experiment took place in anticipation of Anti-Bullying Day, and they encouraged kids to “bully” one plant and compliment the other. Over the course of 30 days, the plants grew in the same conditions. The plant that received compliments thrived, while the bullied one became wilted and droopy. While this may seem unrelated, consider that the majority of volume in a plant cell is water (water typically comprises 80 to 90 percent of the plant’s total weight). For those of you interested, talking to plants (versus water) is a whole separate but seemingly related rabbit hole you can explore.

Whether or not one fully embraces the idea that our thoughts and words can influence water molecules, there is a growing recognition that cultivating positive thoughts and emotions can contribute to a more balanced and harmonious life. One way to do this mindfulness which is at the core of a lot of the work that we do in coaching.

What is mindfulness exactly? It’s one of the most popular meditation techniques, centered around two key components: attention and acceptance.

Attention involves focusing on the present moment by tuning into your experiences. This typically includes directing awareness to your breath, thoughts, physical sensations, and emotions.

Acceptance is about observing these feelings and sensations without judgment. Instead of reacting, the goal is to acknowledge them and let them pass.

Researchers suggest that mindfulness benefits may stem from its ability to reduce the body’s response to stress. Studies in psychological science indicate that mindfulness affects different pathways in the brain linked to stress, leading to changes in brain structures and activity in regions responsible for attention and emotion regulation.

It’s clear that an abundance of research suggests that paying closer attention to our thoughts is a simple way to increase your overall wellbeing and reduce stress. As I discuss in this month’s podcast, mindfulness meditation was the first turning point for me in my legal practice. It was the first thing I started to really connect with that allowed me to find peace amidst the chaos. Be sure to tune in to this month’s podcast where we explore brain habits and neuroplasticity and announce upcoming free mindfulness meditations.

In the meantime, I highly recommend going online to explore images from Dr. Emoto’s experiments and see the molecules produced by positive and negative words. One of the videos I watched opened with a question that I felt would be fitting to leave you with today:

Words can heal, words can hurt, what did yours do today?

Yesterday, I woke up to a series of surprises waiting for me inside my lawyer inbox. Several hours worth of “important” meetings and phone calls had been abruptly canceled or rescheduled. Suddenly my schedule was blissfully wide open for the majority of the day. My heart soared with excitement! What was I going to do with all of this free time on a Friday?!!!!

My mind raced with possibilities!

I could take the day off!

Lounge around and catch up on all of those Netflix series I have been dreaming about!

I could relax and read a book!

Wahoo, the world was my oyster!!

Then I took a peek at my calendar to see all the items that still remained on my schedule that day. First thing in the morning I had scheduled time for yoga and meditation, followed by the gym, and a quick walk with the pups. But on that particular morning, I was already feeling the pull of a lounge-y and lazy day, dripping in margaritas and Netflix. I didn’t want to do the things I had planned for myself. I wanted to erase my schedule and live a day of luxurious freedom and laziness! At that point I started to feel the tension between what I desperately wanted to do and all the adult-y things I had already planned on doing. It was in that moment I realized the difference between wanting something and committing to it.

I have always wanted to have a regular yoga and meditation routine and I want to go to the gym five times every week. In furtherance of these goals, they are always on my calendar and, at that moment, they were staring back at me.

I didn’t want to go to the gym and I most certainly did not want to contemplate my life in deep meditation. I wanted to Netflix and chill and bliss out like a real grownup!

Not every day are we going to want to execute on the goals we have set for ourselves. But that’s the difference that distinguishes our ability to achieve our goals from everyone else that never does.

It’s not about wanting it, the question is whether or not you’re committed to it enough to push through and do it even when you don’t want to.

There will always be days when you don’t want to do the things on your list. In those moments we have to honor our goals by showing up in commitment to them. Only when that commitment drives us can we truly succeed. Only when we allow commitment to propel us forward will we be able to show up consistently and follow through on our goals.

There is no room for “wanting” to do it; it’s only a question of whether you will or won’t.

If you have a goal or a dream you want to make a reality, don’t hesitate to schedule some time with me to explore how we can work together to make it your reality. There is no time like the present.

So yesterday, even though I wanted to ignore my best laid plans, I sat down and started following through on my calendar and the plans I had set for myself. As I started to move through each item, I felt a calmness wash over me and a small sense of pride as I realized I was showing up for myself. I was showing up for my dreams and showing up to be the person that I truly wanted to be. I took that free time I had been gifted, gave my primitive brain the middle finger, and instead did something more in alignment with the person I want to be–I went for a hike with my dogs.

So often we think that when we get to a certain point in our life we will finally be able to do all the things we’ve been wanting. I recently caught myself thinking the same thing.

Once we retire I’ll have time to luxuriate and read all day. Once we move to Colorado I’ll be able to hike with my dogs regularly.

But the reality of it is on days like yesterday when my schedule magically opened up, it was an opportunity for me to execute on those dreams now: to fully commit to those dreams. Those dreams are not things that have to wait for me in the future once certain circumstances in my life change. There are plenty of amazing hikes and trails near my home. Days like yesterday are an opportunity for me to stop dreaming and start being committed to making those dreams happen today. Rather than demolishing my schedule, yesterday I chose to follow through all my plans and utilize that free time to turn some of those hopes and wishes into actuality. Yesterday, life gifted me with the time to not only show up for myself but explore some of those “future” hopes and dreams and make them my present reality.

The next time you find yourself with extra space in your calendar, explore how you can use that time to further your goals and connect with your dream life.

Take 30 minutes to start writing that book, spend those 15 minutes in the DMV line digging into one of those books you’ve been dreaming about, take 30 minutes to do a yoga class, walk the dogs, go for a hike, take a long bath, WHATEVER. The point is that we must not wait for some future time to start creating the life of our dreams. Your life is happening now; we just have to commit to making it the life that we truly want and ignore the Netflix easy button.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

I felt very fortunate that throughout the entire pandemic my gym remained open. For many weeks, they only admitted 10 individuals and I happily sat on the curb outside waiting for my opportunity to get in and enjoy the limited 30 minute workout in the nearly empty gym. Over time, they adjusted to a limited capacity and eventually full capacity. About a year ago, I started working one-on-one with a personal trainer at my gym. Over several months, we started to set clearer and more challenging goals and increase the time we spent working together. With his help, I was able to check off my first round of goals: 225# squats and unassisted pullups. Having achieved that goal, we moved on to bigger and more challenging goals and started meeting three times each week for one hour with assignments to workout independently two additional days. Admittedly, the sessions are grueling and my body has been sore in new, unexpected ways and I’m starting to appreciate the “pains” of getting older (but that’s another story for another time).

When the virus finally reached our home, it was the first time during the pandemic that I legitimately quarantined and never left the house. This meant no personal training whatsoever. I found myself thoroughly enjoying my wide open calendar given that personal training was occupying more than 5 hours each week. Now that training was no longer an option, I was blissfully enjoying the added time in my calendar. I was able to stay up late without worrying about the next early morning workout, I was no longer concerned with my protein and carb intake, and my body was no longer sore everyday. It was heavenly and my primitive brain was loving it.

Eventually, our quarantine ended and it was time for me to get back to work. I found myself resisting reaching out to my trainer to get our session scheduled again. I didn’t want to do it. I enjoyed the free time that I had. I enjoyed not being sore. I enjoyed having wide open mornings where I could do my yoga and meditation unrushed. I just didn’t want to do it anymore! I knew that we had goals and things that I wanted to achieve but I was really enjoying this nice cozy space I was finding myself in and I just didn’t want to change that. I told myself I just didn’t care anymore.

My primitive brain had taken over–it wanted to bask in the pleasure and avoid the pain that came with pushing toward my goals. That’s when I realized, it wasn’t about wanting to go to the gym or not. The question was whether or not I was still committed to my goal.

Did I still want it?

If the answer to that question was yes, then reconnecting with my trainer was the next right step and what I wanted to do was irrelevant. If I was truly committed to the goal, it meant being willing to do things I didn’t want to do. It meant going to the gym even when I didn’t want to because I had committed the goal.

Want had no place in the conversation. It was simply–are you committed or not? And what’s the first test of commitment?

Being willing to do things you don’t want to because they are in furtherance of your goal.

In the end, that is truly what distinguishes those of us that achieve our goals from those that don’t. It’s not about having more time than anyone else, it’s not about having a drive that others don’t have. It’s simply about your willingness to show up even when you don’t want to.

It’s about your commitment to the goal and how you react when your desire to stay in place challenges that commitment.

The reason people don’t achieve their dreams and fulfill all of their goals is simply a matter of commitment. How committed are you to the goal? Committed enough to do it because you said you would even when you don’t want to?

If this resonates with you and you are struggling to take action on your goals, you are not alone. All of us struggle sometimes to take the actions that we know are necessary. Schedule a free consult with me and let’s get you back on track to create the life of your dreams.

I reached out to my trainer and got our sessions back on the calendar. It felt good to show up for myself even when I know that I didn’t want to and even though I was dreading it. It felt good to follow through and to challenge that part of my brain that wanted to stay safe and cozy. I gave my primitive brain the finger and I will continue to move toward my goals and honor the commitment I made to myself.

Today when you find yourself saying I just don’t want to….I just don’t feel like it consider what it would be like to say So freaking what? That doesn’t matter. I’m going to do it anyway.

Photo by Markus Winkler

We can’t ask for what we want because everyone will judge us.

They will pull work from us if we complain.

They will say we’re not partner material.

They will fire us.

It will never change.

There’s no point speaking up.

They’re never going to let me lighten my workload.

That’s just the way it is.

There is no fixing it.

While all of this thinking could certainly be true, when we are living in fight or flight mode, flitting from project to project just trying to make it through the day, we start to believe that all of those statements are factual. We start to believe that those are the only truths available to us.

When we are living in fight or flight, our brain operates from negativity bias.

It sees everything on the horizon as an animal that is ready to kill us and it sees any deviation from the norm as a high risk. For these reasons, it becomes very difficult for us to realize that all of those statements, while they could be true, the opposite could also be true. It becomes very difficult for us to see that we are only looking at one possible outcome.

This is why so many of us just. keep. going. hoping that someday it will change.

We forget that we cannot tell the future and that while the worst case scenario could certainly happen, the best case scenario is also equally possible. When we are in the middle of a crisis at work feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, it is very difficult to generate any feelings other than resignation and hopelessness. It’s no wonder it feels like an impossible task to make changes or to ask for what we want.

Our brain is not wired to look for positive potential outcomes when it is fighting to survive!

When we find ourselves overwhelmed by negativity and overcome by the challenges before us, the only thing we can do is watch our survival brain at work. Watch our brain convince us that the worst case scenario is the only possible outcome and recognize that our brain is not offering us any other alternatives but to just keep going. This awareness can be all it takes to raise us out of the negativity overwhelm back to a neutral state where we can make clear-headed and unbiased decisions. We have to recognize what our brain is doing and realize that what it is offering to us is only 1/2 of the possibilities before us.

Many of my clients put in the work to shift out of panicked, fight or flight practicing to create a strategic path toward balance and clarity. If you want to stop drinking from the fire hose and take back your own agency, join us. This work changes everything.

Once we start seeing that there is, in fact, more than one potential outcome, and more than one path forward, we take back our power. From that space we can start to see and evaluate clearly the options ahead of us. At the same time we move out of victim mentality and stop believing that everything is happening to us and recognize our own power in the moment. We can choose to believe that things just might work out, that we can use our voice, live authentically and just maybe everything will be okay.

(Because drinking from the firehouse day in and day out never ends well for anyone. )

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels

Just a regular Tuesday, eh?

Oh the panicked frenzy of practicing law! On those days, your brain is laser focused and you can feel the adrenaline coursing through your body as you move from one thing to the next with effortless precision. For many of us, we get addicted to this frenzy. We develop a strange love affair with the pressure and intensity of those days. We feel alive! Connected to the work! Like a boss. If only we could feel like this all the time!

While these bursts of energy and manic productivity can be incredibly addictive and create tremendous surges of satisfaction, working from this state is problematic for two reasons.

First, it is not sustainable. During these moments of manic productivity and putting out fires we are actually operating from a primitive state. Our body has infused our system with tremendous amounts of adrenaline because the pressure and stress that we have put on ourselves and created in our minds has led our primitive brains to believe that we are on the verge of being murdered by carnivorous clients. We switch into survival mode operating on adrenaline; our hearts race and our brains become laser focused on the task in front of us because it suddenly equates the task with survival.

Our primitive brain and the survival mechanisms that kick in are powerful and addictive in many ways but we must recognize that living day-in and day-out being driven by adrenaline and our primitive brains is not sustainable. Our bodies were not designed to flourish under those amounts of adrenaline, which is a finite resource. It’s simply not possible to maintain that high and that level of focus and productivity long-term. We are literally living everyday in fight or flight, frenzied panic. Our bodies are preparing for battle. Productive? Yes. Sustainable? Sadly, no.

Sound familiar? Most of my clients reach out to me from that state of panicked frenzy or shortly after the inevitable crash. Stop the madness (literally). Work with me and let’s develop some tools to turn down the noise and put your logical brain back in charge.

Add to this madness, the physical and emotional toll of living on adrenaline for too long — persistent surges of adrenaline can damage your blood vessels, increase your blood pressure, and elevate your risk of heart attacks or stroke. It can also result in anxiety, weight gain, headaches, and insomnia. I’m not that kind of doctor but the Google box and real doctors will back me up on this if you need more convincing.

When we operate from that space of fight or flight and let our primitive brain drive our actions and our responses, we also lose the ability to think rationally with our prefrontal cortex. This brings me to reason number two as to why this is not the best mode of operation.

We do not make good decisions with our primitive brains.

Our primitive brains were designed to keep us safe, seek pleasure, and be efficient. Our primitive brain is the fast acting part of our brain; it is not designed to move slowly, analyze facts, and make well-reasoned decisions. That part of our brain is designed simply to react: everything presented to your primitive brain will be perceived as an emergency, a matter of life-or-death. That means that every email that comes across your desk, every person that darkens your doorway, every phone call that comes in, your brain is going to interpret as an emergency that must be attended to immediately. Simply put, we are not biologically capable of making the best decisions when we are operating from fight or flight and letting our primitive brain drive the boat.

It’s like letting a toddler make decisions about your finances. They are going to spend all of your money going to the amusement park, eating cotton candy and raw cookie dough, and ordering all of the things from the late night shopping channel. They are not going to tell you to eat the damn salad, go to the gym, and “no, that designer purse is not the solution to your tale of woes.” The primitive part of our brain will seek the pleasure that comes from responding to that email immediately and from trying to please the client/partner rather than focusing on the project that you told the client you would get done today.

So what does all this mean?

When you find yourself in that panicked mode of productivity, recognize that your primitive brain has taken over and is clouding your judgment. You need to disconnect and reengage your logical brain. That might mean getting up and walking away from your computer and going outside for 5 minutes. Connect with nature. Take some deep breaths. Spend 5 minutes in meditation. Ground yourself and connect with a mantra–

This is not my life, this is not who I am, I am more than this job, I am more than this day.

By doing these practices we allow our primitive brain to disengage and we put the adult back in the driver’s seat so that we can start making better decisions for the long-term. We make decisions taking into account our priorities and the facts regarding what needs to be done and what does not need to be done in that moment. Save your primitive brain for real emergencies. Do not let your primitive brain drive the bus in your career. From that space you will only create burnout and block yourself from that conscious focus that will take your career to the next level.

Sometimes we get the opportunity to set off and start anew. Unfortunately, what we often find is that while the scenery has changed, our problems remain the same.

During most summers, I spend about 7 hours in my car, every other weekend, driving home to visit my family. I love to make the long trek back home to enjoy time on the lake with my friends and family back home. The majority of my trip is spent at a gleeful and fast-paced interstate route, going 80 mph, making great time. But eventually, once we are about an hour away from our destination, everything changes. Suddenly, the only route to our destination is on county highways and gravel roads. The pace shifts to a crawl. It’s maddening to suddenly go from quickly moving along, making manic progress to maintaining such a slow crawl. It’s a challenge to keep myself from slamming down the accelerator and getting right back to cruising along at a smooth 80mph pace. At this point in my trip, 80mph is what feels natural; it’s become a habit and one I have to consciously brake (pun intended).

Our brains’ ability to get comfortable functioning in a particular state goes beyond my interstate driving. Just like when I moved from interstate to county highways, whenever we change the circumstances of our lives, our ingrained habits come right along with us. Changing to gravel roads doesn’t stop my ingrained desire to drive 80mph. Moving to a new environment does not make it easier to stop speeding in the same way that burning it all down and replacing it with something shiny and new, will not “fix” your tendencies. In the new space, we will find ourselves facing the same challenges all over again:

We say yes when we mean no.

We take on too much.

We struggle to disconnect.

We beat ourselves up over every mistake.

We fail to honor our priorities.

We doubt our abilities.

Those thoughts are like my 80mph climb back home. I’m comfortable there; I know that space. It’s uncomfortable to try and do something different. In the same way, it will take practice and work to change our patterned thinking, regardless of the scenery. No matter what external factors we change, it won’t have a lasting impact on our lives unless and until we change our patterning.

Switching over to gravel roads doesn’t change my tendency toward 80mph, I have to make that change consciously and with effort and attention. Burning it all down and starting over will not change whatever patterning we have that is plaguing us. That work will always be there waiting for us, no matter where we go.

Real change can only come from within and the external circumstances have no bearing on that kind of change.

Are you ready?

Photo by Peter Fazekas from Pexels

When we find ourselves wanting things to be different, there is only one way to bust out of that plateau and build a life that will blow our own mind: intentional investment of our time, energy, and resources. Because wanting it, is never enough.

I recently invested in a personal trainer for the first time in my life. I’ve always been really fit and active but I finally got to a point where my health and fitness seemed to plateau. My weight wasn’t changing, my body wasn’t looking any differently, I wasn’t excited about working out; I realized that it was time for me to mix it up. I went to the gym anxious about the meeting and not committed to purchasing anything. As someone who’s always been into health and fitness, I figured that they could just give me some pointers and I can figure out the rest from there.

As we made our way through the session, I had a rude awakening. The workout was grueling and painful (and moderately humiliating!!!). At the end of the session, I realized that maybe I didn’t have it all figured out. Maybe it would make sense to bring in some support. So we sat down in the cubicle in the middle of the gym floor and started crunching the numbers. And I was completely floored! It was significantly more expensive than I had expected, and it was significantly more money than I had intended to spend on that particular afternoon. At that moment, I realized I was experiencing the same thing that many of my clients experience:

I wanted to change but I was hesitant to commit to doing the hard work.

My reptile brain was freaking out, objecting to this new possibility….when will I find the time…it’s too expensive…I can do it on my own…I don’t need this….it won’t work…, etc. As my brain spun out of control, I realized in that moment what was happening. I realized that it wasn’t really about the money, it was about my level of commitment to making an actual change…to signing up to do the hard thing…to spending a ton of money on myself in furtherance of a goal. To spending a ton of money knowing that I would HAVE TO show up to justify the expense! I didn’t actually believe that it wouldn’t work. I had clear evidence I wasn’t figuring it out on my own and I knew that I could find the time. None of my brain’s thoughts were the truth.

The REAL truth was that I wanted the transformation but committing to the work was freaking me out.

At that moment, I gave my reptile brain the middle finger and signed up. It was something I wanted and this was the first step to making good on that commitment to myself.

After I left the session several dollars lighter than I began, I realized that this is the challenge that many of my clients go through. No one gets excited about spending tons of money on personal training. People don’t get excited about spending thousands of dollars in therapy sessions. And many of the people I encounter are not excited about spending money on a coaching relationship. Why?

Because we’ve gotten along on our own for so long.

What more could these people possibly offer?

It’s not sexy. It’s not fun. It’s not a new purse that we can show off to our friends. It’s something that will require more of us. It requires us to put our money where our mouth is. To do something more than WANT THE CHANGE. Do we want it badly enough to submit to a process that will demand more of us and that will push us to take a hard look at where we really are? After I left my training session, I realized that just maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was.

Just maybe I had some things that I needed to learn. And just maybe I need a little bit of humility about what I was capable of and how badly I really wanted things to change.

When we choose to make an investment in ourselves or not make an investment in ourselves, it is never really about the money or the time. It’s really about our humility and our willingness to recognize that we can’t do it all alone; that we aren’t getting there on our own.

I like to think about our investment in our professional lives and careers, in the same way, I think about buying a house. In both scenarios, we spend THOUSANDS of dollars on the investment. Both investments will provide for us and our families, will protect us, and give us stability. But the main difference is that when we buy a home, no one ever believes “that will be the last money I spend on that!” We know there will be upkeep and maintenance costs. We will make improvements and changes. When it comes to our homes, it seems we are always spending money to care for them and improve them.

But when it comes to our careers, we are much more reluctant to spend our own money on upkeep and maintenance. It is no wonder that for so many of us, our careers are run down and abandoned houses, left to wear away on their original foundations. Just like a run-down, decrepit house, treating your investment in that manner will never provide any return!

If you want your career and your life to blossom, you have to care for your original investment.

Professional athletes are the best in the world at what they do and they all have coaches. They acknowledge that there is room for growth, there is value in the different perspectives that those coaches offer. In order to create the life of your dreams, you must be open to the possibility that you aren’t seeing everything clearly. That just like me and my personal trainer, maybe you have more room to grow if only you had someone to push you.

I’m here and ready to push you out of your plateau. Are you in?

Our mind will analyze the data before us, we must decide what facts are unimportant and focus on the primary issues to maximize our efficiency. At the same time we must manage our emotional impulses associated with stress.

Practicing law is grueling. It challenges our self-worth, our values, and our ability to honor commitments both to ourselves and our clients but also to everyone around us. It is an emotional and mental boot camp of careers of sorts–it even comes with those fun “drill sergeant” type characters who seem to relish in screaming at you letting you know how pathetic you are.

Surviving these challenges not only requires a good amount of grit but a simple understanding of our basic impulses and how those impulses interact with our brains can be a complete game changer.

We are all familiar with “fight or flight” concepts but many of us are not attuned to our basic, biological instincts: the motivational triad. According to the motivational triad, we are wired to prioritize the following:

Seek pleasure.

Avoid pain.

Maintain efficiency.

Within the realm of a law firm environment, the triad can be found in the following tendencies:

Try every way imaginable to squeeze a compliment out of the difficult partner (seek pleasure) even if it means being on call at all hours of every day…

Do not stand up for myself when I am being thrown under the bus to the client by a partner that dropped the ball (avoid pain) because I don’t want to get his wrath…

Stay at the firm that I hate because this is what I know and I don’t want to rock the boat (maintain efficiency)…

Understanding our basic instincts will help you sift through the BS your brain offers you at times. When you desperately want to leave your job and your brain offers you 1,000,000 reasons why that’s a terrible idea, we can recognize that your brain is responding as it was designed. It is trying to keep you safe. It is trying to keep you in the cave, lest you be eaten by cannibal litigators.

When you want to engage leadership in discussions about your work environment but you decide that it won’t be worth it and won’t make a difference. Those. Thoughts. Are. NOT. True. Those are biologically driven responses. Fear-driven, flight responses. Your brain is trying to keep you safe. On the hamster wheel.

When you are contemplating doing something uncomfortable, your brain will flood itself with all sorts of reasons not to act. They will seem reasonable. They will seem perfectly logical. But we mustn’t be persuaded by these biological responses. In those moments we foreclose our own innate knowing. We put blinders on to the other possibilities. Our brains get to work compiling evidence to support those biological responses and will ignore any evidence to the contrary.

Knowing this will allow you to recognize those thoughts just as they are: thoughts. They are not facts. They are not truths. They are not more important than any other thought. They alone are not reasons to act or not act.

In a world where our brains are going to fight us to keep us safe and cozy in the cave, we must become practiced at asking the right questions and evaluating all the options. We cannot allow our motivational triad to push us to act from fear. To seek safety and avoid challenges.

“He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some of the work I do with my clients supports them to examine their beliefs and the source of those beliefs. We analyze beliefs and thoughts to ensure that in anything that we do, or don’t do, we aren’t acting from a place of fear and safety-seeking unless that is our CONSCIOUS decision. I love helping my clients observe the motivational triad at work in their lives, then dismantle it! Sign up today, to start your own journey and see where you biological brain is holding you back.

Photo by Alex Iby on Unsplash

Is this sustainable?

Do I want to live like this forever?

They dream of a practice with better culture, fewer hours, a place that is more women-friendly, family-friendly. A place where the co-workers and clients act like civilized humans rather than tantrum-y children and junior high bullies.

Early on, many of us realize that working 70 hours/week does not create a happy life, no matter the paycheck. It is not exactly the life you dreamt of. We hate that having a family is often seen as a detriment to our career. We struggle with the notion that our personal lives must be planned taking consideration where we want our career to go. We stew and we ponder:

How can I make practicing law more live-able?

For many women, these thoughts eventually get drowned out by the rest of life. They continue their precarious balance, never truly happy or comfortable with the life they have chosen but willing to just keep going. They are good at it. They know that life. It is familiar. And it pays well. Leave it alone. Some weeks it’s okay, some weeks it’s hard to get out of bed. So be it.

We are not wired to voice our needs or ask for something better.

Our brains are designed to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and maintain efficiency. This means that whenever we begin to wonder and question why things can’t be different, what can I do to make this work for me? We are forcing our brain to take a pit stop and examine these matters. Our brains promptly remind us that

We make plenty of money.

We are well-respected.

This is just how it is.

You aren’t going to change it.

Don’t rock the boat.

Don’t be a trouble maker.

Your brain reminds you why those worries and thoughts and dreams aren’t important. Your brain wants you back on the hamster wheel, running the same routine we are so good at. This is your brain playing it safe. Keeping you in the cave. The very notion of rocking the boat triggers two of your biological responses–stay safe and be efficient. Don’t challenge authority and keep doing what you know. Stick to the plan, kiddo.

When we decide to do something new or scary, our brain’s survival mechanisms kick in.

While we may be saying to ourselves, I’m going to start leaving the office at 4:30 everyday, our brains start screaming

RETREAT! Stay with the herd! Don’t challenge the norms! Don’t rock the boat! You’re going to get in trouble. They will cut your pay. The Board will hear about it. You’re going to have to explain this!

I recently had a mini-session with an attorney and her big dream was to start her own firm. In response to her ambition, her brain was telling her

You can’t do this. You haven’t practiced long enough. No one will hire me. You won’t figure it out.

Those thoughts were her brain’s version of “Retreat! Stay in the cave.” None of those thoughts were true. None of them were factual. They were optional sentences her freaked out brain was offering her.

This is normal. This is biology.

This does not mean you are doing it wrong. In fact ,when you experience fear or anxiety while you are taking action toward your dream, you can rest assured you are doing it right. That discomfort is proof that you are forcing your brain to run a new pattern–no more of this lemming crap, forge your own path. No more of the old thoughts and routines.

This is not how is has to be. You can stimulate change and ask for what you want.

If you want to start leaving a 4:30 every day. Ask for it. If you want to be allowed to run your own cases. Ask for it. If you want to take the big deposition on your own. Ask for it.

It’s going to be awkward. It’s going to be uncomfortable. It’s going to force you to use muscles you haven’t used before. Decide what you need to do to grow your practice, to develop, to make your life more manageable and start thinking

How can I make this work for me? How can I ask the firm to support me in making this sustainable for me? What do I need to do to develop?

What is the alternative?

Waiting for someone to read your mind and offer you exactly what you want and need? When do you suppose that will happen? Why are you giving them all the control?

If there was a way for me to teach you how to get law firms to give us what we need, I would teach it to you but it doesn’t exist.

You are going to have to find your own voice.

If you have a big goal and your brain is not freaking out, your goal isn’t big enough. If you aren’t uncomfortable as you are building your practice and making your dreams a reality, you are not trying hard enough. You are not dreaming big enough. You are just a hamster on a wheel with a brain that is content in the cave.

Change is supposed to be hard. Change requires you to do things and think things you never have before. It requires you to evolve. It requires you to become a different version of yourself.

Are you choosing to be stuck?

Are you choosing a life of comfort and familiarity?

What is that costing you?

Is this what you want your story to be?

We must set big goals to grow. Doing this will make us uncomfortable. It will trigger our biological responses to run away. Anticipate that resistance and do it anyway. It doesn’t “have to be this way.” Let’s shake it up a bit.

Life is whatever you choose to make it.

What are you choosing? Do you like your reasons?

Photo by Semina Psichogiopoulou on Unsplash

The markets will never recover

I could lose my job

I will never be able to retire

Thousands of people are going to die

We haven’t seen the worst of it yet

We are swimming in it. (Drowning in it might be a more apt description.) There is something magnetic about the negative news these days. Why is it that so many of us are drawn to it?

As with all things, I consulted, the Google box on this one:

“Negativity bias” also known as the negativity effect, is the notion that, even when of equal intensity, things of a more negative nature (e.g. unpleasant thoughts, emotions, or social interactions; harmful/traumatic events) have a greater effect on one’s psychological state and processes than neutral or positive things.

When I think about our tendency to focus on the negative while giving lesser weight to equally significant positive data points, I can’t help but think about our motivational triad.

Our brains are designed to keep us alive. Historically, that meant one of three things: seek pleasure, avoid pain, expend the least amount of effort (be efficient!). What does that have to do with COVID and news-binging?

News-binging and catastrophizing fall into the category of avoiding pain (i.e., keeping us safe). Our brain believes that this information is keeping us safe. When we read about the latest coronavirus catastrophe, our brain is stimulated, our nervous system is excited. Our brain reacts more strongly and pays more attention to this stimuli. Why? Because our brains are wired to keep us safe; to avoid danger. Hence, negativity bias.

Ever noticed that when you read bad news you get this frenzied little buzz going on? You feel stimulated, compelled to consume more. Gather more data. Understand the situation better. Learn how to protect yourself better.

Why did that happen?

What would I do differently?

Am I similarly at risk?

We are biologically wired to scan the horizon for signs of crouching tigers. We are programmed to look for danger so that we can avoid it. Stay safe.

Our brains are looking at the news this same way. It is providing data that we need to understand to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe.

Does that mean it’s the best decision for you?

That’s for you to decide.

Is the amount of news you are consuming helping you?

How is it impacting you?

How is it negatively impacting you?

When you find yourself bogged down in negativity bias, I recommend that you acknowledge your biological efforts to keep yourself safe. I also recommend examining the positive inputs you might be overlooking.

Give both the positive and the negative equal air time.

Feel free to examine that worst case scenario swirling around your brain BUT also consider the best possible outcome. Aren’t they both equally possible? We don’t know what is going to happen or what these next few months will bring. What we do know is that our brains tend to focus on the worst possible outcome. Given that, shouldn’t we also give equal attention and energy to the best possible outcome?

If you are able to examine both the best possible outcome as well as the worst possible outcome and accept that reality will likely end somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, you can approach the days and your life with more perspective.

If you can come to terms with both the worst possible outcome and the best possible outcome, you will be able to accept anything in between those two. You will be mentally and emotionally equipped to deal with the most likely outcome, somewhere in the middle.

Help your brain identify the balance of possibilities that it is overlooking. Help yourself find some balance between reality and the full range of possible outcomes. Recognize your natural tendency toward the negative.

For more support finding balance during times of chaos, schedule a free consultation. I am helping my clients find more peace and balance despite the world’s current uncertainties. I am helping my clients move forward despite the fear. Sign up and get your life back on track.