Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

Find more on this topic in our latest newsletter available here or sign up to get future newsletters right to your in-box.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Those of you that work with me know that I am a huge advocate of starting off each day with clear priorities. Every morning, before I start any work, I list out 3 priorities for the day so that I have a clear metric of what success looks like for that day and to help me focus my energy.

With those priorities in mind, everything else must flex in honor of those items. If something unexpected comes up during the day, I measure it in comparison to my priorities before I decide whether and how much energy to give to it. Sometimes I shift my priorities accordingly and other times, I have to find a way to make the unexpected bend in honor of my priorities for the day.

There is no drama about the unexpected; it is simply an evaluation of the unexpected in comparison to my priorities.

Further, how I honor and recognize those priorities is the only metric by which I measure my contribution for the day — whether I “achieve” all my priorities is not the questions. Rather, it is about living intentionally with awareness of those priorities and then honoring or deviating from those priorities consciously.

Priorities allow us to live intentionally and give us clarity so that we longer live at the mercy of whatever the day throws at us.

In addition to my daily priorities, I list the following –

One thing I am grateful for that day.

I am grateful for the support of my partner.

One thing  look forward to that day.

I look forward to taking the dogs for a walk and listening to my favorite podcast.

One thing I will avoid that day.

I will avoid lingering in anger about things I cannot change.

One thing I will practice believing that day.

Today, I will practice believing that I create the life of my dreams.

I keep all these in a journal that I add to every morning and am able to look back through to commend myself for my accomplishments and to remember all that I have to be grateful for.

While I have found great success with this practice over the years, I decided to update my process for 2023. In addition to working through these items every day, I also write down my goals for the year and everything I will do to help me achieve them. Specifically, I write my goals as if they were already accomplished in 2023. For example, today I wrote:

In 2023 I finished my yoga teaching training certification, launched my Podcast and published my book. In support of this every day I will journal, meditate, practice yoga and pray.

I began this practice as a means to dig into manifestation and align my energy with that future me, who has accomplished all of those things. What would she have done in furtherance of those goals? What steps did she take to get there? By writing out those goals as if I have already achieved them, I am able to more readily access my beliefs that my goals are not only possible but as good as done. It allows me to align my energy and tap into faith that anything is possible.

I didn’t initially begin this practice in hopes that it would help me day-to-day with priority setting but what I have found is that this practice has provided a useful lens through which I view each and every day and the time I spend on activities outside of each day’s overarching priorities.

What initially began as a manifestation practice has morphed into a metric by which I measure any and everything that gets on my calendar.

Through this lens I was able to cancel unimportant busy work and clear activities to make room for full days of focusing on my podcast and polishing that book.

While it is easy to let our calendar and practice run away from us and fill our days with myriad activities and to-do list items, a full calendar does not necessarily mean we’re operating with our overreaching priorities in mind. Instead a full calendar simply requires us to show up and execute without much thought behind it. Starting each day writing out my goals for the year (in addition to my priorities for the day) has allowed me to add an additional lens to that already full calendar. It allows me to question everything that I am attending to in every day and ask if there’s room for me to transfer that energy to a higher purpose.

If you are struggling to execute on your goals, I encourage you to take 2 minutes each day playing around with these exercises and focusing your energy before each day begins. If you need additional help, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska

Yesterday, I woke up to a series of surprises waiting for me inside my lawyer inbox. Several hours worth of “important” meetings and phone calls had been abruptly canceled or rescheduled. Suddenly my schedule was blissfully wide open for the majority of the day. My heart soared with excitement! What was I going to do with all of this free time on a Friday?!!!!

My mind raced with possibilities!

I could take the day off!

Lounge around and catch up on all of those Netflix series I have been dreaming about!

I could relax and read a book!

Wahoo, the world was my oyster!!

Then I took a peek at my calendar to see all the items that still remained on my schedule that day. First thing in the morning I had scheduled time for yoga and meditation, followed by the gym, and a quick walk with the pups. But on that particular morning, I was already feeling the pull of a lounge-y and lazy day, dripping in margaritas and Netflix. I didn’t want to do the things I had planned for myself. I wanted to erase my schedule and live a day of luxurious freedom and laziness! At that point I started to feel the tension between what I desperately wanted to do and all the adult-y things I had already planned on doing. It was in that moment I realized the difference between wanting something and committing to it.

I have always wanted to have a regular yoga and meditation routine and I want to go to the gym five times every week. In furtherance of these goals, they are always on my calendar and, at that moment, they were staring back at me.

I didn’t want to go to the gym and I most certainly did not want to contemplate my life in deep meditation. I wanted to Netflix and chill and bliss out like a real grownup!

Not every day are we going to want to execute on the goals we have set for ourselves. But that’s the difference that distinguishes our ability to achieve our goals from everyone else that never does.

It’s not about wanting it, the question is whether or not you’re committed to it enough to push through and do it even when you don’t want to.

There will always be days when you don’t want to do the things on your list. In those moments we have to honor our goals by showing up in commitment to them. Only when that commitment drives us can we truly succeed. Only when we allow commitment to propel us forward will we be able to show up consistently and follow through on our goals.

There is no room for “wanting” to do it; it’s only a question of whether you will or won’t.

If you have a goal or a dream you want to make a reality, don’t hesitate to schedule some time with me to explore how we can work together to make it your reality. There is no time like the present.

So yesterday, even though I wanted to ignore my best laid plans, I sat down and started following through on my calendar and the plans I had set for myself. As I started to move through each item, I felt a calmness wash over me and a small sense of pride as I realized I was showing up for myself. I was showing up for my dreams and showing up to be the person that I truly wanted to be. I took that free time I had been gifted, gave my primitive brain the middle finger, and instead did something more in alignment with the person I want to be–I went for a hike with my dogs.

So often we think that when we get to a certain point in our life we will finally be able to do all the things we’ve been wanting. I recently caught myself thinking the same thing.

Once we retire I’ll have time to luxuriate and read all day. Once we move to Colorado I’ll be able to hike with my dogs regularly.

But the reality of it is on days like yesterday when my schedule magically opened up, it was an opportunity for me to execute on those dreams now: to fully commit to those dreams. Those dreams are not things that have to wait for me in the future once certain circumstances in my life change. There are plenty of amazing hikes and trails near my home. Days like yesterday are an opportunity for me to stop dreaming and start being committed to making those dreams happen today. Rather than demolishing my schedule, yesterday I chose to follow through all my plans and utilize that free time to turn some of those hopes and wishes into actuality. Yesterday, life gifted me with the time to not only show up for myself but explore some of those “future” hopes and dreams and make them my present reality.

The next time you find yourself with extra space in your calendar, explore how you can use that time to further your goals and connect with your dream life.

Take 30 minutes to start writing that book, spend those 15 minutes in the DMV line digging into one of those books you’ve been dreaming about, take 30 minutes to do a yoga class, walk the dogs, go for a hike, take a long bath, WHATEVER. The point is that we must not wait for some future time to start creating the life of our dreams. Your life is happening now; we just have to commit to making it the life that we truly want and ignore the Netflix easy button.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

They want more time or more balance, they want a new career, they want a different relationship with others, etc. but they JUST. DON’T. KNOW. HOW. to get there.

It doesn’t take much coaching for us both to realize that they do, in fact, know how to take action toward those goals but they are simply afraid to act.  They have allowed themselves to replace I know what to do but it doesn’t feel good, with I don’t know how. One is true and one is a lie we tell ourselves; one will keep you moving forward and one will keep you stuck.

There is a difference between not knowing what to do and knowing what to do but being afraid to do it.

What is so interesting about the phrase I don’t know is that every time I push a client to explain to me what they would do if they did know, they ALWAYS come up with a laundry list of solutions. In truth, knowing has always been within them. The issue has never been in the not knowing, the issue rest solely with the discomfort of executing on those solutions. That is where evolution resides.

Have a goal that you want to act on but need support developing a plan and committing? That is where the support of a trusted coach can truly be a game changer. Schedule a consultation now and invest in your ability to make it happen.

At that point of awareness, we have two options:

We accept that we are going to let fear ruin all the fun and that we are choosing not to act despite the fear.

OR

We give fear the middle finger and get to work.

What would your life be like if instead of allowing yourself to say “I don’t know,” and closing a door, we instead acknowledged “I do know what to do but I’m afraid to act?” Would you still allow yourself to stay stuck?

Recognizing when we are afraid to act is the first step to creating the life of your dreams. Allowing yourself to say “I don’t know,” is a choice to remain where you are. It is a choice not to pursue whatever it is you’re wanting in your life. Once we can get past “I don’t know,” and realize that we do, in fact, know what to do next, that is where we make a true choice. That is where we must confront the fear associated with acting and decide whether we are willing to act despite the fear or if we would simply prefer to stay put. There is no right or wrong answer but the beauty in this process is that regardless of what you choose to do, it will be your conscious choice.

You will choose to execute on the first step that you know is available to you or you will choose not to.

And to be clear, it’s not about knowing every step of the process. It’s about knowing the next right step and trusting that once you get there, you will then determine the next next right step. And on and on you will trudge ahead, the path becoming clearer as you go.

In contrast, when we live in “I don’t know,” it relegates our life to some unknown fate; it reeks of victimhood. It relinquishes control for action because it suggests that we simply haven’t been gifted with the knowledge we need to create the life of our dreams. In that space, our life and our dreams are outside of our control and there’s nothing that we can do about it because we have not been gifted with knowing.

It is a fallacy we tell ourselves because it sounds so much prettier than, “I know what to do but I’m afraid to do it.” Being afraid to act is not a bad thing. There is honesty in that. There is no truth when we live in “I don’t know.” Most of us are unwilling to live in a space of “I’m not willing to act because I’m afraid.” Therefore, when we relinquish “I don’t know,” it is often the first step to action because refusal to forge ahead in the face of fear is not something that many of us are willing to accept for our lives.

Today, when you find yourself saying “I don’t know,” as it relates to something you want for your life or in your future, I urge you to challenge yourself to explore what you would do if you did know or how you could find out the next right step. With that information you have a choice to make: whether to act upon that knowing or not. Regardless of which path you take, there is beauty in being honest with yourself. Do you want it enough to act despite the fear or don’t you? Because simply wanting it, without more, is never enough.

As the demands of the day press down upon us with such herculean force, it can be difficult to maintain composure and prevent the overwhelm meltdown.

Today, I found myself slipping into this old pattern and having to regroup and employ many of the tools that I teach to my clients. I had several large projects that I wanted to focus my energies on and I suddenly felt like there just wasn’t enough time to get everything done. Hopelessness was sinking in as I stared blankly at my calendar.

As I focused on how to get to work and execute on my daily goals, I found that my eyes kept drifting off to my email inboxes, tracking all the new things that kept pouring in. Because I maintain three separate email addresses–one for my legal practice, one for my coaching practice, and one for my personal and nonprofit work, a simple review of my emails to “just seeing what’s going on” can quickly spiral out of control and precious time is lost. Here I was, feeling overwhelmed with my daily priorities and now that overwhelm was like a rising tide of panic as I glanced at each new message coming in.

For every email, I felt the desire to jump on it and respond immediately. I wanted to answer the pleas for support, redirect my legal team working on important projects, check in with clients, and just GSD. In addition to those impulses, came other emails eliciting frustrated brain chatter. As I was frantically responding to some emails, other emails had me mentally berating my staff, complaining about my nonprofit boards, and angry that people just wouldn’t leave me alone. My overwhelm was now compounded with the downward spiral of victim mentality and frustration.

There isn’t enough time! I am going to let everyone down! I’m so irritated with everyone! Why can’t they figure this out on their own!? Bah!

All of this was making me feel pretty rotten and powerless. Despite all that, I was glued to my emails, trying to salvage some “feel goods” by tackling those low hanging fruits. I was avoiding the bigger picture and chasing the endorphin rush of helping in small ways in that moment, responding to “simple emails” and inquiries. Nevermind that that little foray was going to cost me even more later on as precious time ticked away.

In that moment, I realized that keeping up with my email today was not my number one priority — maintaining my email was not even in my top three today.  So, I set a timer and agreed to check my email in 2 hours. Then I closed the window browsers and got back to work. Not only would those emails still be there 2 hours from now when I finished my priorities, but I had already scheduled time to triage my inbox today, as I do everyday. Despite my prior planning, my email had become a persuasive distraction in those moments of overwhelm and pushed itself right to the front of the line.

It’s easy to dive into your email, get organized, address a million non-emergencies, and avoid the larger projects that will actually make an impact in your life.

It’s the difference between throwing a boulder or a handful of pebbles into the pond–how big of an impact are you wanting to make today?

We all have those moments where suddenly everything feels so chaotic and we feel hopeless and lost. It is in those moments that we have to stop, reconnect with our priorities, and step away from all the things we use to feel better amidst the overwhelm. We have to force our primitive brains to stop freaking out and believing that everything in our orbit is suddenly life or death. For me, in this case it meant shutting down my email and believing fully and wholeheartedly that nothing would happen in the next 2 hours that would destroy my career or my credibility. From that space I was able to redirect my energies and calm the chaos in my mind. And what do you know, I got those projects done and checked my emails and no one fired me, no one died, and the world kept spinning.

Part of the reason this redirection is so challenging for most of us is because of the things we tell ourselves when we pull away from our inbox. All those worries, judgments, comparisons, and worst-case scenarios. That is where coaching comes in because when you believe that you “need” to or “should” respond immediately or that other people are doing it better than you, you will never break this cycle. Challenging those closely held thoughts and beliefs is the first step to freedom and peace. Join us.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

When we find ourselves wanting things to be different, there is only one way to bust out of that plateau and build a life that will blow our own mind: intentional investment of our time, energy, and resources. Because wanting it, is never enough.

I recently invested in a personal trainer for the first time in my life. I’ve always been really fit and active but I finally got to a point where my health and fitness seemed to plateau. My weight wasn’t changing, my body wasn’t looking any differently, I wasn’t excited about working out; I realized that it was time for me to mix it up. I went to the gym anxious about the meeting and not committed to purchasing anything. As someone who’s always been into health and fitness, I figured that they could just give me some pointers and I can figure out the rest from there.

As we made our way through the session, I had a rude awakening. The workout was grueling and painful (and moderately humiliating!!!). At the end of the session, I realized that maybe I didn’t have it all figured out. Maybe it would make sense to bring in some support. So we sat down in the cubicle in the middle of the gym floor and started crunching the numbers. And I was completely floored! It was significantly more expensive than I had expected, and it was significantly more money than I had intended to spend on that particular afternoon. At that moment, I realized I was experiencing the same thing that many of my clients experience:

I wanted to change but I was hesitant to commit to doing the hard work.

My reptile brain was freaking out, objecting to this new possibility….when will I find the time…it’s too expensive…I can do it on my own…I don’t need this….it won’t work…, etc. As my brain spun out of control, I realized in that moment what was happening. I realized that it wasn’t really about the money, it was about my level of commitment to making an actual change…to signing up to do the hard thing…to spending a ton of money on myself in furtherance of a goal. To spending a ton of money knowing that I would HAVE TO show up to justify the expense! I didn’t actually believe that it wouldn’t work. I had clear evidence I wasn’t figuring it out on my own and I knew that I could find the time. None of my brain’s thoughts were the truth.

The REAL truth was that I wanted the transformation but committing to the work was freaking me out.

At that moment, I gave my reptile brain the middle finger and signed up. It was something I wanted and this was the first step to making good on that commitment to myself.

After I left the session several dollars lighter than I began, I realized that this is the challenge that many of my clients go through. No one gets excited about spending tons of money on personal training. People don’t get excited about spending thousands of dollars in therapy sessions. And many of the people I encounter are not excited about spending money on a coaching relationship. Why?

Because we’ve gotten along on our own for so long.

What more could these people possibly offer?

It’s not sexy. It’s not fun. It’s not a new purse that we can show off to our friends. It’s something that will require more of us. It requires us to put our money where our mouth is. To do something more than WANT THE CHANGE. Do we want it badly enough to submit to a process that will demand more of us and that will push us to take a hard look at where we really are? After I left my training session, I realized that just maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was.

Just maybe I had some things that I needed to learn. And just maybe I need a little bit of humility about what I was capable of and how badly I really wanted things to change.

When we choose to make an investment in ourselves or not make an investment in ourselves, it is never really about the money or the time. It’s really about our humility and our willingness to recognize that we can’t do it all alone; that we aren’t getting there on our own.

I like to think about our investment in our professional lives and careers, in the same way, I think about buying a house. In both scenarios, we spend THOUSANDS of dollars on the investment. Both investments will provide for us and our families, will protect us, and give us stability. But the main difference is that when we buy a home, no one ever believes “that will be the last money I spend on that!” We know there will be upkeep and maintenance costs. We will make improvements and changes. When it comes to our homes, it seems we are always spending money to care for them and improve them.

But when it comes to our careers, we are much more reluctant to spend our own money on upkeep and maintenance. It is no wonder that for so many of us, our careers are run down and abandoned houses, left to wear away on their original foundations. Just like a run-down, decrepit house, treating your investment in that manner will never provide any return!

If you want your career and your life to blossom, you have to care for your original investment.

Professional athletes are the best in the world at what they do and they all have coaches. They acknowledge that there is room for growth, there is value in the different perspectives that those coaches offer. In order to create the life of your dreams, you must be open to the possibility that you aren’t seeing everything clearly. That just like me and my personal trainer, maybe you have more room to grow if only you had someone to push you.

I’m here and ready to push you out of your plateau. Are you in?

What I challenge my clients to do is to take all their wants and to-dos and write them down. We have to start getting very serious about the things that we ask ourselves and the things that we tell ourselves we want to accomplish in his life. Many times the things that we put on this to-do list and allow to pile on the pressure are things that we don’t really want. Pipe dreams. Things that we really aren’t committed to doing but we are really good at telling ourselves we need to do. We have to do. We should do. None of this is true.

When we start getting really honest with ourselves about the bag of burdens that we carry, and we eliminate the pipe dreams, we are left with what is really important at this moment — our priorities.

Now, the second step is to decide to either develop a plan (or stop carrying that junk around).

We have to develop a plan. This is what distinguishes people who accomplish everything we want from those who spend their lives carrying around a long list of to-do’s and dreams.

It’s not difficult to accomplish things in life; the only difficulty is following through on your commitments to yourself.

You must first sit down and get very clear about what you want, develop a plan to get there, and follow through. For me, most of my planning requires me to sit down and focus on my calendar and what is on my plate in any given week. The only thing that makes it on to my calendar are priority items. Everything else is up for debate and the whims of my fancies once everything else is accomplished. I might decide during an afternoon where I have two hours of free, unallocated time to seriously consider where to hang that chandelier. But that’s for me to decide; that’s for me to determine how I want to use that free time and whether or not I want to look at any of my other low-hanging wants in those moments.

Need help getting clarity around your to-do list and taking actions on your goals? Get free support now, you have so much to gain.

My to-do list is not something that I need to carry around and remind myself of every day to use as a sword against myself. Instead, my calendar reflects my priorities. If I want to go to the gym two times a week, the only thing I have to do is put it on my calendar and allocate the time of preparation beforehand to ensure that I can accomplish it. I anticipate the obstacles. I know that my brain is going to tell me that my bed is so cozy, my muscles are sore from the last workout, or I didn’t sleep that well last night.

My brain is going to offer me all sorts of reasons why I can’t do this.

In these situations, time can also be a barrier. I have three dogs and oftentimes one of them wants to go outside and then the other one will want to go out and then suddenly they want to be fed at 6:30 in the morning rather than waiting for me to get home and feed them after the gym. Never mind the fact that I can never figure out what to wear to the gym and that constant agony of “I have nothing to wear today!” drags on the entire process in the morning making me feel hopeless before I even get out the door.

I know these obstacles will come I know these challenges will happen. So I anticipate them and I strategize around them. I plan my workout clothes the night before I decide whether I am going to feed the dogs before I leave or whether I will feed them when I get home and I stick to that decision. If I decide the dogs need to go out before I leave, it is the first thing I do when I get up before I start getting ready to go to the gym. I have to know the things that are going to pop up to try and keep me stuck. This is not complicated. This is not rocket science.

We identify obstacles to our goals and we strategize around them. We expect the worst so that we can be at our best.

What does that look like? All it looks like is deciding how you’re going to get it done and deciding what might keep you from acting. From there, we can strategize how to guarantee the accomplishment and ensure that we are in the best possible position to accomplish that task and check it off on our to-do list. We can then give ourselves a pat on the back and consider it a job well done.

When we allow our days to operate on a whim out of control and without planning, it makes it more difficult for us to tackle the things that we really do want to accomplish in our life.

It might seem overly regimented and stringent to put all these things on your calendar and live by that. But it’s actually freedom. I know that everything I want to accomplish in my life I will accomplish and I don’t have to worry, or stress, or stew about it. I just have to show up. I have it on my calendar. I have a plan. I have a strategy. I just have to do what it tells me and not question it. That’s all it takes. My days are more efficient, and my focus is clearer when my head is no longer jumbled with all of the things that I want to do and all of the shoulds bouncing around making me feel terrible.

For any day, I know exactly what I will accomplish, what I have accomplished, and what I can do next.

That is what it means to do more than just “want” it, because wanting it is simply not enough.

In order to transform our life from a list of dreams to a list of accomplishments, all we have to do is sit down, plan, strategize, then show up. From there they only this you have to do is honor yourself and honor your commitments.

Is this something I’m willing to make a priority in the immediate future or in the long-term future?

We all have a laundry list of fantastical things we want to do in our lives. For me, this list includes getting scuba certified and going on a diving trip. I absolutely want to do that and will absolutely do that at some point but for now, it is not a priority. That will be a priority in another year.

Those things that are priorities for another day are placed on my calendar for that other day. That means scuba certification will sit and politely wait for me on my calendar 12 months from now when I will revisit it again. For items that I am not willing to characterize as a priority, the conversation ends. I am not giving that “want” any more energy.

Many of us walk around with a bag of wants and to-dos like we are Santa Claus. A bag full of tricks and nothing to do with them! When the list of unrealized dreams and long-term goals continues to grow, that bag becomes incredibly heavy. The burden becomes more and more difficult to bear as we pile on more and more unsatisfied dreams and goals.

The more significant the burden, the easier it is for us to feel hopeless and disregard everything we have piled on.

It’s easier to stay put because we have created this mountain of to-dos that is overwhelming. It’s difficult to know where to start.

This pile-up of wants and dreams paralyzes us from taking ANY action. That is why the first step is unpacking that bag and getting rid of the pipedreams and saving them for a later date. For now, we stick to priorities.

“The first step to success is knowing your priorities.”

Aspesh

It’s easy to want to go to the gym four times a week. It’s easy to want to start your own business and daydream about it all the time. It’s easy to dream about having a cleaner home. The hard part comes when actually sitting down and asking yourself how to accomplish it.

It’s easy to want to do things.

When we start getting really honest with ourselves about the bag of burdens that we carry, we then have to start being very honest with ourselves about everything on the list. At this point in time, we start taking off the pipe dreams and eliminating those from the burdens that we carry.

For example, I have this beautiful chandelier that I inherited from a quasi aunt figure who passed away several years ago. She was a wonderful human being and every time I see the light sparkle through that chandelier it warms my heart. It reminds me of her zest for life her warmth and her ability to light up an entire room with her laugh. She was a good person. She was vibrant and exciting and adventurous and I love having something in my home that makes me think of her. But as many of you may know, a year ago my significant other and I bought a house together. After the moving in and combining of households was settled, we still have not decided where we want to hang that chandelier. So it sits safely tucked away in a guest bedroom until I can decide exactly where I want to home it and exactly how I want to go about getting that done. This is on my To-Do List.

This is something that’s easy for me to carry around in my bag of burdens, telling myself it’s something I need to do. I

it’s easy to beat myself up and tell myself that this should be important.

That I should be making this a priority. That I need to get this done. None of those are true. They are just an easy opportunity for me to beat myself up and tell myself that I’m not doing enough. These are the types of things that we carry around in our bags of burdens that make us feel so miserable.

None of these things need to be done. None of these things are a priority at this time.

There may be a time in the future hanging that chandelier may become a huge priority for me and a joy to accomplish. But that time is not now. So why carry that burden and all those shoulds with me and allow it to compound everything else that is bouncing around inside my brain? It’s not useful!

For many of those pipe dreams, I often reserve spaces on my calendar six months in the future. This allows me to reevaluate my priorities and consider whether it is finally time for that to-do to become a number one action item. But for now, I will remove that from the bag of burdens and focus on what is actually important in the short term.

As we unpack that bag of burdens we have to get very clear on what is truly a priority and what is just simply garbage that we like to use to make ourselves feel terrible and tell us that we’re not accomplishing enough. We always have to be aware of the things we tell ourselves and how those thoughts make us feel. What often happens is those thoughts compound that feeling of hopelessness and our inability to overcome this task. So we do nothing.

So step number one is to start removing the pipe dreams from this bag of burdens so that we are left with are real priorities. Whatever that priority to-do list item may be, this is the part where we move out of the camp of humans carrying bags of burdens into the camp of humans who actually get things done.

Next week, we will learn how to take this list and turn it into a summary of your accomplishments. Cheers!

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

First and foremost, let’s blame biology.

In brief, as humans, we are hardwired to seek pleasure and avoid pain. This means that when our brains perceive danger, rightly or wrongly, our brain will begin crafting an escape route. This biological wiring is designed to keep us out of the mouths of hungry lions.

So where does this danger come in? For those of you living in the thick of your practice, you might be thinking that some of your partners and clients actually resemble hungry lions out to rip your throat out and that’s actually not too far off…. When we have something that we are avoiding, the REASON we are avoiding that project is because we have some underlying fear associated with the project. There is something about the project that is arousing your biological flight response. It might sound something like this

I’m not going to get this right and she is going to be so pissed at me.

I don’t know how to figure this out and he is probably going to fire me when I mess it up.

I cannot stand working for this client, they always leave out crucial facts.

I am so nervous, I cannot botch this project.

I hate working for this partner, I really don’t want to do this.

This is going to be miserable.

All of those thoughts will arouse some type of fear-based response. All of those thoughts trigger more negative thoughts and on and on it goes until we have built up this project to be cruel and unusual punishment that must be avoided at all costs. We are afraid of the consequences of not getting it right, pissing off the partner or the client, or we simply dread the perceived misery of the project.

In either case, we are being driven by some unacknowledged fear.

No problem, says the procrastination fairy, Starbucks has a new latte you need to try, and have you checked out your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page lately? Then we indulge in our other biologically motivated response–seek pleasure! Gobble up endorphins wherever you can find them!

This routine will stretch on only until another, larger, and more critical fear enters the dance floor:

the deadline

Suddenly, the fear that we won’t get the project done in time looms larger in our minds and drowns out the earlier fears of failing the project. We start to imagine the SHOUTY CAPS emails raging over our missed deadline or failure to respond. Our mind is abuzz with a full-on parade of horribles showing us what will happen if we don’t stop shopping on Amazon and get. to. work.

Off we go, motivated by fear once again.

But this time, our earlier procrastination has likely set us up to fail in the exact same manner we were afraid of failing to begin with. We work frantically, our thoughts are scattered, and our work is filled with a chaotic sense of urgency. Ultimately, we end up beating the project to death with the procrastination stick until it is unrecognizable. We make mistakes that are completely out of character because we are rushed and panicked and now even MORE convinced that the partner is, in fact, going to seriously impede your survival at the firm. When we work from that mental space, motivated by fear, we do not do our best work. We miss things we would not normally miss and we overlook basic things that we KNOW. In sum, we fail ourselves and show up much less than our best.

This whole routine is tethered together by one small similarity: fear. We procrastinate because we are avoiding some negative emotion; we are afraid of something about the project. Then we procrastinate until a larger fear gets us moving. Ultimately, we end up creating our own self-fulling prophecy where we do the really terrible job that we feared we would do in the first place.

So what do we do?

We have to start getting honest with ourselves about why we are procrastinating to begin with. Once we get to the root of fear, we can ask whether we like that reasoning. Furthermore, we can acknowledge how this story will end if we choose to invest in that fear and go down the Facebook rabbit-hole instead. Combating procrastination only requires one thing from you: honesty. Honesty with yourself about your actions and your justifications. From there, all you have to do is ask yourself whether you like your reasons for acting or not acting and make a new, informed, honest choice about your next steps. Those are the choices that will determine the type of person you become — one who procrastinates or one who doesn’t. The choice is ultimately yours and all that matters is whether you are comfortable with your reasoning.

“Following-through is the only thing that separates dreamers from people that accomplish great things.”

Gene Hayden

Start taking actions towards your goals and stop letting fear derail your progress. Sign up for a free session and stop procrastinating today.

Photo by RODOLFO BARRETO on Unsplash

Don’t get me wrong, I love my daily stretching routine that I lovingly think of as yoga-lite. I love connecting with my body and taking that inward time before I sit in my daily meditation. Whenever I muster up the fortitude to dive into a yoga class, I feel so good afterwards and sometimes I even enjoy it – the WHOLE time. I know it’s good for me and I know I always feel better once it’s done. So what’s the problem you ask?

I simply don’t want to do the hard things. I am in love with the IDEA of being a flexible, lithe yogi but, put simply:

I don’t want to do the work.

I don’t want to hold uncomfortable poses for long periods of time. I don’t want to go to a yoga class. I don’t want to put my leg there or twist in such a way. There is something about it that I really detest. And yes, I know deep down that I should see this as a signpost that yoga is hiding something delicious for me. Somewhere within its depths is an awakening, a realization of some sort that I must find. But, here I am. Not a yogi. Barely a yogi-lite. Annoyed at the thought of it all.

I am in love with the dream but not willing to act on it.

I don’t want to do the hard work. I am rebelling against the discomfort. That’s it. There is no magic here.

I share this story because we all do this! We are so good at identifying all of the things that we want that we don’t have. We have laundry lists of skills and accomplishments that we want to attain or achieve. Most of us rarely chip away at those things because when it comes down to it, we don’t want to do the hard work. We just want to wake up one day and realize that the accomplishment was simply waiting to be unearthed all this time, it was always ours for the taking. All we had to do was wake up, go to that yoga class and suddenly the heavens would open up and rain down our dream.

We want the dream but we want it to come easily. We don’t really want to do all the work that necessarily precedes it.

This is why we don’t achieve our dreams. There is no secret here. We just don’t want to do the work.

Once we see all the work that comes with the achievement, we continue to *want* the thing but we stop taking any action to get there. Instead we resign ourselves to dreams of longing. I wish I could climb a 14-er…I wish I could play the piano…I wish I was really good at yoga. We are more than happy to lament our lacking. Rather than figuring out how to do the hard thing, we resign ourselves to being the victim of our circumstances, as if others were simply blessed with these gifts that we don’t have. For them, it was easy but for us, we just can’t do it. We live our lives with a laundry list of things that we want or wish that we had. If only we had more time…more money…more innate ability….

The truth is while we want these things, it is not our misfortune that we don’t have them: it is our unwillingness to do the damn thing.

I’m not saying that if you decide to climb Mt. Everest and wholeheartedly commit to doing all the work that comes with that endeavor, you will inevitably be successful. What I am saying, instead is this:

Wouldn’t it be so much more gratifying to say: I trained for a year to climb Mt. Everest but eventually opted for a summit where people die less frequently.

Or

I’ve always wanted to climb a mountain so I’ve recently started training for it. 

Those statements are so much more FUN and illustrative about our lives than to say I would love to climb Mt. Everest some day.

Why carry dreams around with you that you aren’t willing to put in the work to accomplish?

The next time you catch yourself expressing a wish/hope/desire for some unattained goal, stop yourself. If you aren’t willing to put in all the hard work that comes with that particular goal, is it really true that you want it? Wouldn’t it be more accurate to state:

Climbing Mt. Everest sounds amazing but I am just not interested in going through all that training and the risks!

Even THAT sounds more authentic than all that wishing and hoping and lamenting!

Why is this important? When we offer empty wishes and dreams to the universe without any commitment behind them, we slip into victim mentality. It’s as if we are wishing that we could be so lucky to accomplish such a thing. If only we had been so similarly gifted. Implying: we weren’t blessed with luck or gifts. We just don’t have what it takes. It is an energy of lack. An energy of dissatisfaction with one’s life and place. Is that really the energy you want for your dreams?

Dream from a place of abundance. A place where your words are more a forecast for your future than a condemnation of your present. Where your dreams are at your fingertips and not some vague hope.

The first thing I do with all of my clients is cast the dream: what is it that you want from life? From there we start planning and taking actions to bring that dream closer and closer. Interested in getting some clarity for your future? Ready to dive into some righteous discomfort? Sign up for a free session before they are all gone!