You imagined freedom. You dreamed of long walks, midday yoga, catching up on books, or just being. But when the time came, guilt snuck in. That nagging voice in your head whispering:

“Shouldn’t you be doing something?”

“Everyone else is working—why aren’t you?”

“You’re wasting time.”

You are not alone.

I hear this constantly from clients—especially women—who’ve worked hard to create space in their lives only to discover that rest doesn’t feel like relief. It feels like failure.

They go part-time, switch to an in-house role, or finally take the sabbatical they’ve been craving—expecting to feel peace, freedom, maybe even joy.

But instead?

They feel uneasy. On edge. Restless.
They say things like, “I thought this would feel better.”
Or, “I’m still exhausted, but I feel guilty just sitting here.”

Here’s what I want you to know:

The problem isn’t that you’re resting wrong.
The problem is that rest bumps up against old beliefs—deep ones.

Beliefs like:

• “My worth is tied to what I produce.”
• “Other people’s needs matter more than mine.”
• “If I stop, I’ll fall behind.”

These beliefs don’t disappear when your calendar clears.
In fact, space amplifies them.
And so, we fill the space again—not out of desire, but out of guilt.

I see this pattern all the time: women who have technically slowed down, but emotionally and energetically? They’re still in fifth gear.

They overwork on their “off” days.
They sign up for new projects even though they promised themselves margin.
They clean the kitchen instead of taking the nap they’ve earned.
Not because they want to.
But because slowing down doesn’t feel safe.

Because in the stillness, what rises to the surface isn’t peace.
It’s the inner critic.
The conditioning.
The voice that says, “You’re not doing enough.”

And so we get back to work—not because we’re inspired, but because it helps us avoid the discomfort of being alone with those thoughts.

But here’s the truth:

You don’t need to fix how you rest.
You need to heal the story that says you only matter when you’re doing.

And that kind of healing doesn’t come from more productivity.
It comes from learning to sit with the discomfort of being enough—just as you are.
It comes from noticing the guilt and choosing not to obey it.
It comes from practicing rest not as a reward, but as a right.

So if rest feels hard, you’re not broken.
You’re brave.

You’re learning to untangle your worth from your work.
And that’s one of the most radical things you can do.

This month, I’m sharing a few gentle practices to help you explore your relationship with rest and self-worth. I invite you to give them a try and notice what surfaces. If old patterns start to rise, know that you don’t have to work through them alone—I would love to coach you through this process.

You don’t need to deserve rest.

You don’t need to fill your time to prove your value.

The discomfort you feel isn’t failure—it’s growth.

You’re unlearning the myth that your worth is measured in output.

And that, my friend, is powerful, rebellious, beautiful work.

***

Journal Prompts: Exploring Guilt, Stillness & Self-Worth

Take 5–10 minutes with one of these prompts. Be honest, unfiltered, and curious:

1. When I imagine doing “nothing,” I feel ______ because ______.
2. I feel most guilty about resting when ______.
3. Productivity makes me feel ______. Without it, I worry that I’m ______.
4. What do I believe others would think of me if I slowed down?
5. What would it look like to rest without earning it first?

Try This: Scheduling Intentional Stillness

Start small. One block of time—maybe 30 minutes to an hour—per week. Put it on your calendar with a label like:

• “Unstructured Time”
• “Sanctuary Hour”
• “Rest, Without Rules”
• “Just Because I Can”

Here’s the rule: You don’t plan what you’ll do ahead of time. No pressure to check something off or be productive. You’re not forbidden from doing things—you’re just forbidden from deciding in advance what’s “worthy” of that time.

This is not lazy. It’s training your nervous system to tolerate ease.

Take a Reset Moment

Need a moment to reset? My guided meditations on YouTube and short podcast episodes are always there to help you pause, breathe, and come back to yourself.

A Short Reflection Practice: “Permission to Pause”

Find a quiet space. Sit or lie down. Close your eyes or soften your gaze.

Take a slow breath in. Let your body fill.

Exhale gently. Let your shoulders drop.

Say (out loud or silently):

“I don’t have to earn this moment.

I am allowed to rest.

I am safe when I am still.

I am worthy, even when I am not doing.”

Stay here for 1–3 minutes. Notice any resistance—and let it be.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

The way you think, feel, and act has a direct impact on the opportunities you create and the results you achieve. By adopting specific mental strategies, you can align your mind with your aspirations and unlock your potential. Here are three powerful mind hacks to help you get anything you want:

1. Live the Goal, NOW

One of the most effective ways to create the life you want is by visualizing your desired outcomes as though they’ve already happened. (Sound familiar? I started getting into this idea a few years ago, you can read about it here.) This strategy, often referred to as “pre-paving,” involves mentally rehearsing your future success, imagining every detail, and stepping into the version of yourself who has already achieved those goals. The key? FEELING yourself accomplishing that goal. Those feelings drive your actions and align your energy with the law of attraction. (Here’s a meditation to kickstart the process.)

Start by asking yourself:

• What does my life look like when I’ve achieved this?
• How do I feel?
• What steps did I take to get here?

When you visualize success vividly, your brain begins to interpret these thoughts as reality, motivating you to take the necessary actions to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

It’s also helpful to align your daily habits with your vision. Take small, consistent steps every day that move you closer to your goal. Whether it’s making a phone call, sending an email, learning a new skill, or affirming your intentions, every action reinforces your commitment. Over time, this process helps you build momentum and confidence. For instance, if you’re working on manifesting a keynote speaking gig at a regional women’s conference (too specific?), you can start writing that keynote TODAY. And when that’s done, start writing your NEXT keynote.

It’s all about asking yourself:

• If I had already achieved the goal, what would I be doing right now?
• If I knew my goal was inevitable, what would I do today to further it?

2. Stay Present, Be Mindful of Your Energy

As you work toward your goals, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and forget to check in with yourself. However, one of the most underrated keys to success is mindfulness—the practice of staying present and fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When life starts moving quickly, pause regularly to reflect on your progress. Ask yourself:

• How am I feeling right now?
• Are my actions aligned with my values and goals?

Practicing mindfulness helps you remain in tune with your emotions and ensures that you’re staying on track. This self-awareness allows you to make adjustments when necessary and avoid burnout. (Psst, this is one of the reasons why my approach to calendaring your life is essential—not just for your sanity but for creating your dreams. Check out my on-demand Time Mastery Workshop — unless you’re a client, in which case, check your coaching library .)

Mindfulness also keeps you grounded in the present moment. While planning for the future is important, obsessing over what’s ahead can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, focus on what you can do today to bring you closer to your goal. Celebrate small wins, appreciate your efforts, and trust the process.

3. Let it Go

Your past experiences, while valuable for learning and growth, can sometimes become roadblocks to your future success. Holding onto regrets, failures, or grievances can weigh you down and prevent you from fully embracing new opportunities.

To move forward, practice the art of letting go. This doesn’t mean ignoring your past but reframing it in a way that empowers you. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as lessons that have shaped your resilience and character. (Check out how to rewrite your past to transform your future in last month’s podcast.)

If certain memories or emotions still trigger negative feelings, consider journaling or meditating to process them. Ask yourself:

• What have I learned from this experience?
• How has it helped me grow?

By focusing on the lessons and releasing the pain, you create mental and emotional space for positive energy and new possibilities.

Letting go also applies to outdated beliefs about yourself. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed,” recognize that these are just thoughts—not truths. Challenge those limiting beliefs by replacing them with affirmations that resonate with you. Consider: “I am capable, worthy, and deserving of success.” Over time, this shift in mindset will help you step into your power and unlock your potential.

Putting It All Together

The key to achieving anything you want in life lies in mastering your mind. By visualizing your success, practicing mindfulness, and releasing limiting beliefs, you align your thoughts and actions with your deepest desires. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process that requires patience, consistency, and self-compassion.

Start small. Commit to one of these mind hacks today and see how it transforms your mindset and approach to life. Over time, you’ll not only achieve your goals but also grow into the best version of yourself. You have the power to create the life you want—one thought, one action, and one step at a time.

Photo by meo

The answer lies in a mix of biology, psychology, and societal influence. By understanding the roots of our inner critic, we can begin to quiet that voice and replace it with one that empowers us instead.

The Biological Roots of Self-Criticism

Our tendency to be hard on ourselves is partly due to evolutionary survival mechanisms. Early humans needed to be hyper-aware of threats and mistakes to survive. This vigilance extended inward: by analyzing what went wrong, they could learn and adapt to avoid future danger.

This is where the brain’s negativity bias comes into play. Neuroscientist Dr. Rick Hanson explains that our brains are like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. Negative memories and criticisms stick because they are processed more deeply, helping us stay alert to potential threats.

However, in today’s world, most of us aren’t navigating life-or-death situations. Yet, our brain’s hardwiring remains the same, leading us to dwell excessively on our perceived failures and flaws.

The Psychology of Self-Criticism

Self-criticism is also shaped by psychological factors like self-esteem, upbringing, and personality traits.

• Social Comparison
  Psychologist Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory suggests that we evaluate ourselves based on comparisons to others. While this can motivate us to improve, it often backfires in a world dominated by social media. We compare our messy, behind-the-scenes lives to the highlight reels others post, leading to feelings of inadequacy.

• Perfectionism
  Perfectionists are especially hard on themselves because they equate their worth with their achievements. Research by Dr. Paul Hewitt and Dr. Gordon Flett has shown that perfectionism is linked to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and self-criticism. When perfectionists fall short of their impossible standards, they berate themselves mercilessly.

• Internalized Voices
  Our inner critic often mimics the voices we heard growing up. If parents, teachers, or peers frequently pointed out flaws or emphasized achievement, we may internalize those expectations. This doesn’t mean those individuals intended harm—it’s simply how our brain learns to self-regulate by mirroring external feedback.

Societal Pressure and the Culture of “More”

Modern society plays a significant role in why we’re so hard on ourselves.

• The Hustle Mentality: There’s an unspoken expectation to be constantly productive, successful, and improving. This leaves little room for rest or imperfection.
• Achievement as Identity: In cultures where worth is tied to accomplishments, falling short can feel like a personal failure rather than a natural part of life.
• Beauty and Success Standards: Unrealistic standards perpetuated by media and advertising fuel feelings of “never being enough.”

The Cost of Being Hard on Ourselves

While some self-criticism can be constructive, excessive self-criticism takes a toll on mental health, relationships, and overall well-being.

• Mental Health: Chronic self-criticism is linked to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Studies from Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, show that self-criticism activates the brain’s fight-or-flight response, creating unnecessary stress.
• Relationships: Being overly hard on ourselves can lead to strained relationships. We might project our insecurities onto others, withdraw, or struggle with trust and vulnerability.
• Performance: Ironically, while we may believe self-criticism pushes us to do better, it often has the opposite effect. Dr. Neff’s research found that self-compassion—not self-criticism—is a better predictor of resilience, motivation, and performance.

How to Break Free from Self-Criticism

The good news is that we can rewire our brains and shift our relationship with ourselves. Here’s how:

1. Practice Self-Compassion
   Dr. Neff suggests treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. When you notice your inner critic, pause and ask: “Would I say this to someone I care about?” If not, reframe the thought in a more compassionate way.
2. Reframe Mistakes as Learning Opportunities
   Instead of seeing mistakes as evidence of inadequacy, view them as valuable feedback. Neuroscience shows that adopting a growth mindset, as championed by Dr. Carol Dweck, helps us embrace challenges and persist despite setbacks.
3. Limit Social Comparisons
   Be mindful of how often you compare yourself to others. If social media triggers feelings of inadequacy, consider curating your feed to follow accounts that inspire rather than drain you.
4. Focus on Process, Not Perfection
   Shift your focus from outcomes to effort. Celebrate small wins and acknowledge progress, even if it’s imperfect.
5. Seek Support
   Sometimes, breaking free from self-criticism requires outside help. Therapy or coaching can provide tools to understand and challenge unhelpful thought patterns.

A New Way Forward

Being hard on ourselves may feel like second nature, but it’s not inevitable. By understanding the roots of self-criticism and actively practicing self-compassion, we can quiet our inner critic and make room for self-acceptance.

Remember, you are not your mistakes or shortcomings. You are a work in progress, deserving of kindness and grace.

Let’s leave the harsh judgments behind and step into a new year of self-love, growth, and possibility.

Get Support!

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to reframe your inner narrative, let’s connect. Schedule a free consultation or explore my on-demand resources designed to help you cultivate self-compassion and live authentically.

Because you deserve to thrive—inside and out.

Photo by Photo By: Kaboompics.com

As lawyers, we’re no strangers to stress, it is an inevitable (required?) part of life. But learning how to manage it effectively can significantly improve your mental and physical well-being. In today’s post, I’m sharing some simple yet powerful strategies to help you calm down when feeling stressed — these strategies are tested and proven to work for all busy women but especially attorneys. (We’re keeping it REAL simple around here!)

Trying not to cry? Fighting off a rage quit? These tools are available to you with minimal effort:

Deep Breathing

Deep breathing exercises help you center yourself and reduce the physiological effects of stress. Try one of these popular methods:

Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique:

Inhale for 4 seconds through your nose,

Hold your breath for 7 seconds,

Exhale slowly for 8 seconds through your mouth.

Try Square Breathing:

Also known as box breathing, this is equally simple and effective. It involves structured breathing in a rhythmic pattern that calms the nervous system.

Steps for Square Breathing:

Inhale slowly through your nose for a count of 4.

Hold your breath for a count of 4.

Exhale slowly through your mouth for 4.

Hold for 4 seconds before repeating.

Visualization: While doing square breathing, imagine tracing the sides of a square in your mind. This can help you stay focused and relaxed.

You can repeat the process as many times as necessary, typically for 3-5 minutes, until you feel more relaxed. It’s especially useful in moments of acute stress or anxiety.

Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques connect you with the present moment, pulling your focus away from stressful thoughts and physical sensations. There are two main kinds of grounding:

Earthing Grounding Based in Physics: This method is a therapeutic technique that involves doing activities that “ground” or electrically reconnect you to the earth. This practice relies on earthing science and grounding physics to explain how electrical charges from the earth can have positive effects on your body.

Try out Earth Grounding:

This can be as simple as walking barefoot on grass, lying down outdoors, or using grounding tools like grounding mats, sheets, blankets, socks, bands.

Psychological Grounding: Engage your senses to bring yourself back to the present. These techniques work by grounding you in the present moment and pulling you away from intrusive thoughts or feelings. In this way, you not only have your “feet on the ground” but also your “mind on the ground.” By turning our attention away from racing thoughts or worries, refocus on the present moment.

Try out Psychological Grounding:

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique:

Name 5 things you can see.

Name 4 things you can touch.

Name 3 things you can hear.

Name 2 things you can smell.

Name 1 thing you can taste.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)

PMR is an effective way to reduce physical tension and psychological stress by alternately tensing and relaxing muscle groups throughout your body, from your toes to your head. When we tense our muscles before relaxing them, you enable yourself to relax them more thoroughly after you release them. This helps to more effectively release pent-up physical stress and leaves you feeling more relaxed overall.

Try out PMR:

Tense each muscle group for 5-10 seconds.

Release and relax that muscle group for 20-30 seconds before moving to the next.

Mindful Meditation

(You knew this coming!) Mindfulness meditation involves training your mind to focus on the present moment. This can help reduce racing thoughts and create a sense of calm. If you are new to meditation techniques, check out my podcast episode Meditation 101: Benefits and Basics to learn more about starting your own meditation practice.

Try out Mindful Meditation:

Sit quietly and focus on your breathing.

When your mind wanders, gently guide it back to your breath or a point of focus. Even a few minutes of mindful meditation can lower stress levels and promote relaxation.

Need help? Check out the Lawyer Life Podcast’s 5-minute meditation series, released every other Wednesday!

Move Your Legs!

Go for a walk. Taking a short walk, especially in nature, can reduce anxiety, depression, and even boost creativity. Studies have shown that just 10 minutes of walking can improve focus and elevate your mood. Try incorporating walking into your daily routine to manage stress more effectively.

Write it Out

Journaling allows you to process and express your emotions in a healthy way. In fact, 2018 research shows that writing down our deepest feelings and thoughts can improve our physical and psychological well-being. Writing down your thoughts can help you gain clarity, identify stress triggers, and manage your feelings.

Benefits of Journaling:

Identify fears and worried thinking that is causing stress or anxiety

Recognize triggers that exacerbate feelings of stress

Practice positive self-talk to build your confidence

Identify and reduce unhelpful thoughts and behaviors

Improves overall mental health by recognizing and addressing unhelpful thoughts.

Try out Journaling:

Write down your thoughts and feelings at this moment. Getting them out of your head and onto paper can provide relief and clarity.

Visualization

Visualization is a very simple relaxation technique that involves using your imagination to access positive feelings such as peacefulness, confidence, or motivation. Visualization can also help reduce feelings of nervousness.

Visualization involves creating a mental image of a peaceful or positive scenario, such as a tranquil beach, a personal goal, or a feeling of self-compassion.

Try out Visualization:

Close your eyes and imagine a serene scene that makes you feel calm and relaxed.

Focus on sensory details: sights, sounds, smells, and feelings.

Visualization can reduce the flight-or-fight response and ease nervousness, bringing a sense of peace.

Stretching

Stretching helps release muscle tension and improves your range of motion, posture, and overall relaxation. Incorporating stretches into your daily routine, especially at work, can reduce pain by up to 72%.

Try out Stretching:

Simple stretches for the neck, shoulders, and back can have immediate calming effects. A simple search on YouTube can help you find an office stretch routine that suits your needs and/or areas of pain.

Music or Sound Therapy

Confession: I have meditation or targeted hertz level music playing for at least 8 hours every day: my husband hates tolerates it, but I’m obsessed. Did you know that listening to calming music, nature sounds, or binaural beats can soothe your nervous system and reduce stress?!

But let’s take this even farter: Solfeggio frequencies, which range from 174 Hz to 963 Hz, have been found to generate vibrations in the body that promote relaxation, balance, and emotional well-being.

Interesting Fact: Ancient theories suggest that certain frequencies have the power to heal and even affect DNA positively. You can experiment with different frequencies and music styles to find what relaxes you the most.

Try it out:

You can easily search for healing/Solfeggio frequency playlists on Spotify and other music providers. My favorites: Pineal Glad Activation 963 Hz for your third eye chakra & healing + cleansing frequencies.

Hydrate and Nourish

Dehydration can intensify stress and anxiety. Basically, when you’re dehydrated, your body is stressed, and when you’re stressed your brain releases stress hormones, setting off a chain reaction of the stress response in your body.

Drinking water or eating a small, healthy snack can calm your physical stress responses. Staying hydrated helps your body stay balanced and less reactive to stress triggers.

These simple tools can help you manage daily stress and bring you back into a state of balance. Whether it’s deep breathing, grounding, stretching, or simply listening to relaxing sounds, incorporating these practices into your routine can make a significant difference in your overall well-being.

Try it out: Begin each day with a hydration plan — you do NOT need to carry a gallon jug around all day. Calculate your daily water intake goal and determine how many refills you need during your day to get there. Track your daily progress each day — habit tracker, anyone?

What if your habit of negative thinking is actually affecting your physical health? 

A notable figure in this exploration is Dr. Masaru Emoto, who in the 1990s conducted experiments on water crystals. These experiments involved exposing water to various stimuli like words, prayers, music, and environments, then freezing the water to observe its crystalline structure. His question was simple–is it possible that our words and intentions can ‘leave their mark’ on the physical world?

Dr. Masaru Emoto’s most well-known experiments involved exposing water to various words, thoughts, and emotions and then observing the resulting changes in the water’s molecular structure. Dr. Emoto found that positive emotions such as love, gratitude, and joy resulted in beautifully symmetrical and pleasing water crystals. Conversely, negative emotions like anger, hate, and fear led to distorted and chaotic crystal formations. These findings suggest that emotions can significantly impact water’s molecular structure.

Given that the human body is composed of about 60% water and 75% of our brain is water, these results prompt us to consider how our emotions might affect our overall well-being. Dr. Emoto’s research suggests that by nurturing positive emotions within ourselves, we may positively influence our own molecular structure and promote better health.

Dr. Emoto’s work serves as a metaphor for understanding the broader implications of emotional states. Just as negative emotions disrupt water crystals, they may also disrupt our well-being and essential processes. Recognizing this encourages us to cultivate positivity not only for our personal health but also for the interconnectedness of life as a whole. I don’t want to get into the broader implications of collective consciousness and all that but you can imagine the larger implications of this idea if it were to take hold on a larger, more global scale.

Disclaimer: Dr. Emoto’s concepts have garnered both praise and doubt among scientists. His experiments sparked curiosity and encouraged more exploration, but some experts questioned how he conducted his research and whether his results could be reliably replicated. It’s crucial to recognize that in science, rigorous experimentation and peer-reviewed studies are necessary to establish solid evidence and draw definitive conclusions.

In potentially a random segue, anyone recall Ikea’s anti-bullying campaign from 2018? As you may recall, Ikea held a famous PR campaign where they conducted an (albeit nonscientific) experiment on the impact of our words and emotions on plants. The experiment took place in anticipation of Anti-Bullying Day, and they encouraged kids to “bully” one plant and compliment the other. Over the course of 30 days, the plants grew in the same conditions. The plant that received compliments thrived, while the bullied one became wilted and droopy. While this may seem unrelated, consider that the majority of volume in a plant cell is water (water typically comprises 80 to 90 percent of the plant’s total weight). For those of you interested, talking to plants (versus water) is a whole separate but seemingly related rabbit hole you can explore.

Whether or not one fully embraces the idea that our thoughts and words can influence water molecules, there is a growing recognition that cultivating positive thoughts and emotions can contribute to a more balanced and harmonious life. One way to do this mindfulness which is at the core of a lot of the work that we do in coaching.

What is mindfulness exactly? It’s one of the most popular meditation techniques, centered around two key components: attention and acceptance.

Attention involves focusing on the present moment by tuning into your experiences. This typically includes directing awareness to your breath, thoughts, physical sensations, and emotions.

Acceptance is about observing these feelings and sensations without judgment. Instead of reacting, the goal is to acknowledge them and let them pass.

Researchers suggest that mindfulness benefits may stem from its ability to reduce the body’s response to stress. Studies in psychological science indicate that mindfulness affects different pathways in the brain linked to stress, leading to changes in brain structures and activity in regions responsible for attention and emotion regulation.

It’s clear that an abundance of research suggests that paying closer attention to our thoughts is a simple way to increase your overall wellbeing and reduce stress. As I discuss in this month’s podcast, mindfulness meditation was the first turning point for me in my legal practice. It was the first thing I started to really connect with that allowed me to find peace amidst the chaos. Be sure to tune in to this month’s podcast where we explore brain habits and neuroplasticity and announce upcoming free mindfulness meditations.

In the meantime, I highly recommend going online to explore images from Dr. Emoto’s experiments and see the molecules produced by positive and negative words. One of the videos I watched opened with a question that I felt would be fitting to leave you with today:

Words can heal, words can hurt, what did yours do today?

Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

Find more on this topic in our latest newsletter available here or sign up to get future newsletters right to your in-box.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Those of you that work with me know that I am a huge advocate of starting off each day with clear priorities. Every morning, before I start any work, I list out 3 priorities for the day so that I have a clear metric of what success looks like for that day and to help me focus my energy.

With those priorities in mind, everything else must flex in honor of those items. If something unexpected comes up during the day, I measure it in comparison to my priorities before I decide whether and how much energy to give to it. Sometimes I shift my priorities accordingly and other times, I have to find a way to make the unexpected bend in honor of my priorities for the day.

There is no drama about the unexpected; it is simply an evaluation of the unexpected in comparison to my priorities.

Further, how I honor and recognize those priorities is the only metric by which I measure my contribution for the day — whether I “achieve” all my priorities is not the questions. Rather, it is about living intentionally with awareness of those priorities and then honoring or deviating from those priorities consciously.

Priorities allow us to live intentionally and give us clarity so that we longer live at the mercy of whatever the day throws at us.

In addition to my daily priorities, I list the following –

One thing I am grateful for that day.

I am grateful for the support of my partner.

One thing  look forward to that day.

I look forward to taking the dogs for a walk and listening to my favorite podcast.

One thing I will avoid that day.

I will avoid lingering in anger about things I cannot change.

One thing I will practice believing that day.

Today, I will practice believing that I create the life of my dreams.

I keep all these in a journal that I add to every morning and am able to look back through to commend myself for my accomplishments and to remember all that I have to be grateful for.

While I have found great success with this practice over the years, I decided to update my process for 2023. In addition to working through these items every day, I also write down my goals for the year and everything I will do to help me achieve them. Specifically, I write my goals as if they were already accomplished in 2023. For example, today I wrote:

In 2023 I finished my yoga teaching training certification, launched my Podcast and published my book. In support of this every day I will journal, meditate, practice yoga and pray.

I began this practice as a means to dig into manifestation and align my energy with that future me, who has accomplished all of those things. What would she have done in furtherance of those goals? What steps did she take to get there? By writing out those goals as if I have already achieved them, I am able to more readily access my beliefs that my goals are not only possible but as good as done. It allows me to align my energy and tap into faith that anything is possible.

I didn’t initially begin this practice in hopes that it would help me day-to-day with priority setting but what I have found is that this practice has provided a useful lens through which I view each and every day and the time I spend on activities outside of each day’s overarching priorities.

What initially began as a manifestation practice has morphed into a metric by which I measure any and everything that gets on my calendar.

Through this lens I was able to cancel unimportant busy work and clear activities to make room for full days of focusing on my podcast and polishing that book.

While it is easy to let our calendar and practice run away from us and fill our days with myriad activities and to-do list items, a full calendar does not necessarily mean we’re operating with our overreaching priorities in mind. Instead a full calendar simply requires us to show up and execute without much thought behind it. Starting each day writing out my goals for the year (in addition to my priorities for the day) has allowed me to add an additional lens to that already full calendar. It allows me to question everything that I am attending to in every day and ask if there’s room for me to transfer that energy to a higher purpose.

If you are struggling to execute on your goals, I encourage you to take 2 minutes each day playing around with these exercises and focusing your energy before each day begins. If you need additional help, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska

How am I going to get all this done?! Where do I even start?! Why is there a random meeting in the MIDDLE of my afternoon? How can I get anything done if I’m ALWAYS IN MEETINGS?!

As I was thinking through the items on my calendar, I realized that this particular meeting was one that I could potentially cancel. I realized that the issue at hand was one that had been resolved by another team over email several weeks prior. So I emailed the meeting attendees the prior correspondence and indicated that I did not believe our meeting would offer anything in addition to the items already discussed and resolved in the correspondence I re-shared with them.

Sweet relief rushed in — I have more time to actually accomplish something today! I stood up for myself and my time. Job. Well. Done!

I should note that one of the individual that called the meeting was known for being a little bit persnickety and had a reputation for being a bit of an overthinker. Regardless, I felt good about my reasoning and my plan of attack and felt strongly that the meeting was no longer necessary given that the impacted parties had already resolved the legal issue.

As most of you have probably already guessed it, shortly after my emancipation request, the meeting organizer responded confirming their desire to continue with the meeting. They felt that there were underlying business considerations they wanted to make a case for.

Immediately I felt my chest and face flush and my blood pressure rising. As legal counsel, there was no need for me to be involved in any rambling meetings about business rationale and business decisions!!

From my point of view I was simply the wrong party to play audience to these requests and I was busy, GDI! Stop wasting my time!

I found myself railing against them in my head and imagining how this meeting was going to play out — them making their case, me sitting there annoyed, arguing with them in my head and anxiously awaiting my opportunity to shut down the meeting and end it as early as possible. I could see myself politely informing them that I was not the proper party to be hearing these business concerns but rather it would make more sense to have other business team members in the discussion.

This all occurred in the first 10 minutes of my day… So there I was hoping for a productive day yet boiling in frustration before anything had began.

I realized in that moment that the reason I was dreading the meeting was because I knew how frustrated I was going to be as I sat there and endured the discussion. I was making this 30 minute meeting into something monstrous and unbearable. Thirty minutes of my life! That was all they were asking. The amount of energy I was wasting fuming over this innocuous exchange was almost laughable! If I had directed that energy to my real work, I could have checked everything off my to do list already!

Furthermore, whether or not that meeting drove me crazy or not was completely within my control. As I felt my blood pressure rising and spinning about WTH I do this job, I realized that I could let this exchange sour my entire day or I could take my power back. I could decide that I would attend the meeting that had become an inevitability and I could show up with curiosity and observe what they had to say and be prepared to have an open mind. I could decide not to let a 30-minute meeting that I could not reschedule ruin my day.

If this resonates with you and you find yourself vacillating between frustration and irritation all day long, schedule some time to visit with me and let’s see if we can get some tools in place to move away from frustration and start taking control of your emotions and your career. Life is so much more fun when you do!

The power to be annoyed and irritated with the meeting and its organizer was 100% within my control. I soon realized that there was no need to be frustrated and let this simple exchange turn a day full of opportunity into a day full of irritation.

I resolved that I would stop thinking about the meeting and view it as another opportunity to learn from those around me and be open to the possibility that just maybe there was something useful to the client that would come out of this discussion. If nothing more, it would afford me the opportunity to observe myself and take control of my mind and the drama that it was offering me. And that is always time well spent.

Besides, if an annoying 30-minute meeting was as “bad” as my day was going to get, I would take it. In the grand scheme of yin and yang, if this meeting was my “darkness,” life really wasn’t so bad after all.

Photo by Yan Krukau

First, expect the worst. Okay, that sounds terrible but stay with me here…think about whatever it is you fear will happen at your next family gathering–that aunt will ask you for the 10,000th time, why you can’t find a husband, your cousin will ask you a million questions about his DUI even though you have told him you are a tax attorney, your mom will gently suggest that you skip that second helping of bread pudding (we all know what that means), or your brother will peacock around the house spouting off about how he is raking in the dough. All of those things that make your skin crawl; all those things that make you say “If they do this one more time, I’m going to lose my freaking mind…” Assume they will all happen. Why?

Because that is who these people are and people will rarely morph into the people you want them to be.

They have the absolute right to be whomever they want to be and when we show up hoping they will be different, we set ourselves up for a huge disappointment and drama. Instead, we just expect them to show up as they are, doing all the little things that they always do that drive us bananas.

Second, think about all the ways that those people want YOU to be different. Perhaps your grandmother wants you and your partner to get married, maybe your mom wants you to stop working and start breeding, your dad wishes you would stop getting tattoos, or your brother wishes you would be friendlier to his wife (whom you dislike). All of the humans in your life have ideas about how they want you to change. You are not exempt from this little game. Now, think about how much it bothers you when you feel those people judging you for all those things. Think about how much you would love it if these people would just let you be who you are and love you regardless, without all the judgment.

Third, decide to be the love and compassion that you want to receive. You can have a loving and accepting relationship with all of the humans that drive you crazy. You just have to decide to live in that space instead of playing the game. When your mom tells you to skip that second helping of bread pudding, you can choose to believe She is worried about my health and she thinks I eat like this all the time. She thinks I won’t find a partner if I’m overweight.

We can theorize and maybe even empathize with why these people are doing these things.

When she was my age, finding a husband was of prime importance and all women had to offer was their looks and their pedigree. She doesn’t understand how things work for women like me and that’s okay. We can accept that people don’t understand you and allow that to be okay–they might not understand your work, your values, your relationships to your body, your interest in tattoos or people of the same sex and that is okay. You don’t understand their confusion about all those things and that is also okay.

This holiday, what would it be like if we all just committed to showing up as we are and allowing others to do the same, warts and all?! We are all judging and, at times, confused by the lives of the people we love and there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it could be what brings us all together–just a bunch of humans trying to figure things out and navigate their own paths while observing others on divergent journeys.

Cheers, my friends, I am thankful for all of you!

Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

Disclaimer: I do not share details of my coaching sessions without explicit consent from my clients and any personal information has been altered to protect their lovely identities.

In this particular session, my friend Claire explained how she is working on a new side-gig she is really passionate about. Her excitement for the project was evident and she explains that if she could, she would spend every waking hour on this endeavor. The problem? Claire is a full-time WFH attorney. Every day, Claire balances her passion project with the demands of her job. In addition, Claire is in the process of moving and has all the lovely tasks that come with that experience. She also has a boyfriend and a 3-year-old child. As I asked Claire to rate different aspects of her life on a scale of 1 to 10 it became clear to me that her dissatisfaction in various areas of her life all came back to one glaring issue: she believed didn’t have enough time and she believed the only solution was to quit her FT job.

She explained that any time she was frustrated at work or wishing that she was spending time on her passion project instead of sitting in conference calls and CLEs (can I get an amen?), her mind immediately responded:

You should just quit. This is too much. You don’t have enough time to do it all.

In the moment, those kinds of black and white thoughts are incredibly persuasive. They elicit such strong visceral reactions from us and strong feelings of hopelessness that it’s difficult to believe that they are not legitimate. However, surprisingly, sometimes those thoughts are simply just thoughts and there is no factual basis behind them.

Before we started exploring options for leaving her full-time position, I wanted to get clear on the facts.  I asked Claire to help me understand how she was spending her time. As we walked through a typical week, we got really clear on how much time she was spending on her side project, her grown-up job, acting as a mother and a partner, and moving.

At the end, it became clear to both of us that Claire was, in fact, getting it all done rather seamlessly. In addition, she rated her physical, emotional, and relationship health at 8, 9 and 10, respectively. Other areas of her life that she rated poorly, she reasoned was because she didn’t have enough time for them (e.g. she wanted more time with friends and more time for her passion project). However, as we explored her day-to-day activities, we realized that on most nights she wraps up by 6:00 PM, she gets to the gym three times a week, spends time with her boyfriend and her daughter every evening and over lunch breaks, and she was getting plenty of sleep.

So what was really the problem?

The problem was that she truly believed that she did not have enough time and she blamed that on her current job. As we worked through the session, we started to see that maybe those thoughts didn’t have a lot of factual support. Rather, we realized that by allowing her brain to demonize her job and marinate in thoughts of time scarcity, she was making herself miserable. In fact, at the end of our session she observed: I’m getting it all done I just don’t like the way that it feels.

Of course not! It feels terrible to believe that you don’t have enough time and you have to quit your job in order to make it all work. That is a frightening and stressful conclusion to carry around all day long. Rather, when Claire sat with the realization that she is getting it all done and is doing a good job, she was able to move out of the frustration cloud and start making different decisions about her days.

When you stop dragging hopelessness around with you all day long, you have a lot more energy to do all the other things you *think* you don’t have enough time for.

Claire realized that she was not going to be able to spend every day, all day working on her passion project while maintaining another full-time job but she also realized that she didn’t really want that. She didn’t want to quit her full time job and the faulty belief that she *needed* to in order to “have enough time” was freaking her out. Rather than living in her truth (I am a FT attorney with a side gig), she was choosing to live in a black and white world where her full-time job was the source of all of her woes: she had to do the passion project or the job but not both. Suddenly, she realized that if she snapped out of the funk and stopped ragging on her job every day, she just might find the emotional space to improve the other areas of her life that she felt were lacking.

How often have we chosen to believe that we can’t get it all done, that we’re failing, and that we just don’t have enough time?

How many times in your life have you taken the time to honestly explore the validity of those thoughts?

While there may certainly be times in our lives when priorities conflict and choices must be made, so many of us rush to believe we don’t have time, we can’t make it work, something has to give. That kind of either or thinking is terrifying and we often accept it automatically and without question. As Claire discovered, that kind of patterning not only makes you feel miserable but it can detract from the reality that you are in fact handling it all like a boss.

So what’s the answer to this time quagmire? Brutal honesty. Brutal honesty about where your time goes, what you want, and what you are capable of.

Photo by Keira Burton from Pexels