Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Most senior attorneys have had that moment in the middle of a fire drill when the a junior attorney brings them work that is less than stellar. We can smell the all-nighter wafting from their work product and we can see the panic in their eyes. Having lived through it ourselves, we know how to spot the signs of young attorneys who are floundering on the verge of a complete meltdown. When this happens, our impulse is typically to take the crappy work product we just received and fix it ASAP so that we can continue to weather the storm.

We add to our plate for the sake of sanity and efficiency.

In those moments, our minds are filled with angry rantings and ravings aimed at those young attorneys, frustrated at the work they’ve given us. We know they are just skating by, counting on all of those above them to fix their mistakes! We get indignant and vow to never work with them again! We’re hesitant to give them work and we no longer trust them for the next project, mentally deleting them from the team roster. Never mind that every time their shining and hopeful faces darken our doors, we just want to scream at them.

Then, like anything in life, once the painful part is over, we don’t really want to spend time digging through the muck and thoughtfully considering our misery in any of kind of existential way. We just want to move on and try to enjoy some semblance of life before the next storm. But consider what we miss out on when we don’t force ourselves to go back through the experience and use its teachings to strategize the next nightmare.

It’s no wonder that there are so many senior attorneys who have a penchant for treating associates terribly. They are tired of “fixing” the mistakes of their juniors and then internally festering about it thereafter. After years and years of bottling up that frustration, it comes out in sharp language and harsh rebukes. But it doesn’t have to be this way; if we do our own work, we can be better and DO better for the next generation.

Besides, how can we expect young attorneys to ever get better at managing the chaos if we don’t eventually hold them accountable and help them to grow once the dust has settled?

In these situations, every attorney has a few options. They can fix the mistakes of their junior attorneys, cover them up, and stay silent in their anger, letting that frustration and bitterness grow and impact their relationships with young and developing attorneys. Most of us don’t even realize we are living in this camp. We see this more of an “out of sight, out of mind,” approach and I call that BS. It might be out of sight, out of mind in the euphoria that comes at the end of a chaotic week but those judgements and frustrations will inevitably resurface the next time we work with the person at issue and it will likely drive us to avoid recurrences. The end result? We take on too much and refuse to delegate because we “don’t trust” the junior attorneys to “do it right.” Fast forward to us getting burnt out and the junior attorneys not developing…and the cycle continues!

On the other hand, once that fire drill is over, leaders can have that uncomfortable conversation, give the feedback, and start setting some clear boundaries. When we let people know the impact their actions (or inactions) have on us, it builds accountability and awareness of the team dynamic. It provides an opportunity for them to do better the next time and helps them understand the importance of their role. It also provides an opportunity to provide clarity around future expectations–This is the only time I’m willing to re-do XYZ for you in the middle of a deal, the next time I’m going to make you re-do it even if it holds up everything else and I will let the rest of the team know of the issue.

Neither approach feels good. Neither approach is going to be fun. But in the approach where we give honest feedback, maybe those attorneys will stop making those same mistakes and perhaps we can develop an honest and open partnership where we can learn to trust and rely on each other. Maybe that approach will allow all of us to grow into senior attorneys and partners who not constantly fuming at young associates and the mistakes that they make. Perhaps we can get really good at providing the kind of feedback that we wish others had given to us when we were baby lawyers. Over time, we can become skilled at seeing these frustrating moments as providing a future opportunity to invest in the relationship and implement measures that might just prevent those things from happening again in the future.

It’s so easy to walk away from the chaos and just forget what happened and keep moving forward.

But the reality of it is that we don’t just forget.

When members of our team drop the ball in the middle of a project and we don’t eventually have that conversation, we don’t forget. We remember, we stew about it, and we develop a mistrust amongst our team members. If after every chaotic week, we were able to conduct a post-mortem and review the performance of those around us, looking for opportunities to mentor, develop, and provide authentic feedback to the rest of our team, imagine how much easier the next chaotic week just might be?

To be clear, I’m not making excuses for senior attorneys who lash out and treat associates terribly, but rather I can fully understand why they feel that way after years and years of being disappointed in the midst of chaos by those around them and having to swoop in and “save the day.” It’s difficult to not understand how lonely and frustrating it would feel to constantly mistrust everyone around you and feel like, if it weren’t for you, nothing would ever get done successfully. Bitter and angry? I get it. But there is a better way.

If you find yourself in leadership and mentorship roles and feeling angry and frustrated with those around you, let’s connect. I would love to spend a free consultation with you exploring ways to transform the way you lead and change the way you feel!

Photo by Anna Shvets

On the contrary, one study showed that 53 percent of business owners believe that they can grow their business by more than 20 percent if they delegated 10 percent of their workload to someone else.

(AND more than 80% of those business owners agreed that they need help to achieve successful delegation. Sound familiar? Grab a free coaching consult and let in support to free up your schedule through the art of delegation.)

Could delegation be the key to allowing yourself and your team members to make their greatest contributions? Because isn’t that the whole point of having a team — each person making their own, unique contributions in a meaningful way?

Some thoughts on delegation to challenge our “go it alone” antiquated thinking….

Delegation is more than just passing down work

When you delegate you create opportunities for others to learn new skills, gain more experience, and have more confidence in their abilities to contribute.

Get clear on where you spend your time

There are not enough hours in your day to “do it all.” Evaluate your reasoning for everything you do in each moment. Which tasks are you willing to let go of in order to free yourself to make your greatest contribution?

Recognize that delegation is crucial for YOUR success

When we don’t see the benefits of delegating, we don’t delegate. We have to focus on why delegation is important and what it will gain us. Most of us want more time and energy to make our greatest contributions in which case delegation is essential.

Recognize that others are capable

People tend to perform in alignment with the expectations that others put on them. The greater our expectations of others, the greater probability that they will perform at an even higher level. We often see others as not being capable simply because it is something they have not done until now. Seeing other as competent is not only key to your success but their development.

Develop your team to free up even more of your time

In order to develop others and free yourself up for your higher priorities, we must consider delegating anything that someone else can do 70% as well as you can. Remember when you first performed the task you were not likely a master either. When we delegate these tasks to others, we provide them the opportunity to become their own master.

Check your ego at the door

We often think “I could have done it better” or “I could do it faster” or “I don’t want to look bad if this other person fails.” These are normal thoughts and may be true but at some point in your life you were not as fast or as masterful at a given task. You learn through your experience and mistakes. Don’t let your ego prevent others from having the same opportunity to grow and develop in the same ways that you have.

Allow room for growth

Mistakes are inevitable! Remember that you made mistakes before you had mastery of a skill. When you notice an error, give the person who made it an opportunity to correct it. When we continue to clean up others’ mistakes, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn and grow. Then mistakes will continue and you will use it as your justification to stop delegating.

It is not sustainable for us to “do it all.” We must become skilled at the art of delegation and letting in support if we want to have a meaningful place in the professional world. Open yourself up to delegation by challenging “your way” of doing things with the above counterarguments.

Chew on these reasons for delegating and if you need support putting together a delegation action plan, work with me and let’s get to work finding you more time so that you can make your greatest contribution and your team can grow and thrive.

Photo by fauxels from Pexels

Get to the root of the dread.

For many of us, we avoid projects that we know will be challenging or that relate to an area of law that we aren’t comfortable with. We put them off because actually doing the project drives home our discomfort with the subject matter. We don’t like being reminded of what we don’t know and it is uncomfortable to wade through uncharted legal mazes.

If it is simply discomfort with a difficult task, the best way to uproot the problem is to break it into bite-sized pieces and schedule them (i.e., GYST). If it’s a large document that needs to be reviewed or a looming diligence project, break it down into segments and schedule time during your week to attend to each segment of the project. If it’s a research project, schedule separate blocks to time to dig into each relevant area of law. Whatever the breakdown may be, it’s easier to tackle the unknown and discomfort when we can do it in small doses.

Furthermore, this approach will force you to get started right away — there is no room to delay the project until the very last minute as we often want to do with these types of things. Take your time, learn what the project has to offer and take it piece by piece.

No one builds a house in a day. Treat the assignment like a construction project and build it brick by brick, day by day. Stop looking at the massive scale of the project and focus on each piece and what it can teach you.

If there is another reason you are avoiding the project–you don’t like the client or the partner–that’s a whole different issue and is going to require you to do some work on your brain. But that doesn’t mean the above concept will be lost on you. If the root of the problem comes from the parties involved, you can utilize the above approach to dip your toes into that relationship pond little by little and practice managing your mind with each step.

Get factual.

My most recent client had a project that she was dreading. She had made time on her calendar to address the project but kept feeling temped to move it. She explained that it was a massive project with lots of interconnected documents and disclosures. She had made significant headway on the project but was avoiding taking the final steps.

When you find yourself hesitating to jump into a project like this, it is likely because your brain has created some drama around the project. In this case, my client believed that the project was “massive.” So, we spent some time unpacking what she meant by massive. How much more time is needed for the project? What are the exact steps you will need to take to get through this segment of the project? Is there a way that you can bring in additional support?

While the project itself may or may not have actually been “massive,” my client was believing that it was. That sent her mind down a dramatic spiral and set her up for avoidance. In reality, the segment of the project waiting for her on her calendar that day would require only one hour and would allow her to lean on her paralegal for additional support. We realized that most of the work for that part of the project was already done; she simply needed to get her head back into the project, do some issue spotting, and utilize her team. When we set aside the drama and looked at the exact next steps, the project was no longer something to be dreaded, it was much simpler than she was allowing her self to believe.

When we allow our brains to tell us that a project is “massive…horrible…never-ending…pointless,” we set ourselves up for failure. We are going to struggle finding motivation to tackle projects when we believe that we are in for some sort of legal gauntlet. We have to recognize the drama that we have created and sift through it.

How much time is needed for the project?

Can you break it into smaller chunks?

Is it appropriate to bring in additional support?

Have you decided to believe that you are the only one that can do it all? Is that true?

By doing it “all” are you making your greatest contribution or is some of the work better suited for others?

What are the EXACT steps that you will need to execute for each chunk of the project.

We have to be aware of our brain’s tendency to create drama. In those moments when our brain is telling us that the sky is falling, we have to take a step back and sift through the facts. What we often find, much like my client, is that the drama in our brains is a lot of smoke and mirrors and underneath it all are tasks and challenges that we are more than equipped to handle.

Let go of the drama and start dominating your project list; it’s so much more fun than worrying about your projects.

Sometimes all it takes is an outside perspective to help you see it. Reach out for some free support if you find your days clouded with avoidance and self-doubt; I’d love to show you a better way to practice.

Photo by Oleg Magni from Pexels

• Some day when…
• I can’t…
• I don’t know how…
• I’m not sure…
• I would like to…
• I wish…

Whenever we chew on these thoughts, we are investing in their truth. We are allowing ourselves to believe that there will be a day when….or that our abilities are limited…or that there are things we want to do but aren’t doing. Lastly, when we start a thought or a statement with “I wish…” we are arguing with our reality and lamenting our circumstances.

What good is it to think “I wish…”? Has that wish ever come true simply by wishing it?

Dreams don’t come true simply because we release them into the universe. Dreams come true because we choose to stop wishing and relinquishing our control. Dreams come true because we stop wishing and start acting.

And I’m not talking about grand banana dreams here, either. I’m not talking about wishing for world peace. I’m talking about wishing that our day-to-day lives would be different.

I wish my boss would treat me differently.

I wish I enjoyed my job more.

I wish I made more money.

THOSE types of little, every day wishes are toxic.

When we allow ourselves to daydream about how we “wish” our lives were different, we are implicitly giving up all of our power. We are suggesting that the only way our circumstances could be different is if a fairy godmother plucks our wishes out of the ether and makes them happen for us.

“I wish” statements are not powerful. They are weak.

They suggest that there is nothing to be done other than sit around and wait for our wish to be granted by a benevolent god.

It’s like that parable of the lottery ticket.

A man prays to god repeatedly and hopefully, asking god from the bottom of his heart to let him win the lottery. He offers that prayer every day for years and years on end. He never lost hope or faith that it would be answered and every day he humbly submitted his request. Every day, his prayer went unanswered and the man died poor and alone. When he met his god in the afterlife, he asked god why all of his prayers went unanswered and god replied “You never bought a lottery ticket.”

The point is this: we play a role in our dreams coming true.

We cannot simply offer up our wishes to the universe and sit back and wait for them to come true.

We have to act. We have to invest in our dreams.

Wasting your energy wishing that things in your life were different is living the life of the man in the parable. It offers the universe the energy of lack and dissatisfaction with life and that energy will only attract more lack and dissatisfaction.

When you start taking action to make your wishes reality, it requires a shift in perception. All those wishful thoughts become something much more active and invested —

I’m creating the life I want

I can take steps to improve my work life

I can improve my relationship with my boss

I can take action to be happier every day

These thoughts are powerful and take ownership over your life. Those thoughts will propel you to start taking action to convert those wishes to reality. Rather than living in a space of lack and dissatisfaction, your energy transforms into positivity and faith in your ability. This allows so much more positive energy to enter your life. And who knows, your wishes just might come true.

You have to start investing in those wishes yourself before you can expect the universe or god to partner with you to make them come true.

When you find yourself wishing that your life were different, it can be difficult to turn the corner. It’s easy to exist in wishful thinking; it’s hard to take ownership and start taking action. Sometimes all you need is a little support. Don’t be afraid to ask. (Psst, it’s free.)

Photo by Fineas Gavre on Unsplash