Most senior attorneys have had that moment in the middle of a fire drill when the a junior attorney brings them work that is less than stellar. We can smell the all-nighter wafting from their work product and we can see the panic in their eyes. Having lived through it ourselves, we know how to spot the signs of young attorneys who are floundering on the verge of a complete meltdown. When this happens, our impulse is typically to take the crappy work product we just received and fix it ASAP so that we can continue to weather the storm.

We add to our plate for the sake of sanity and efficiency.

In those moments, our minds are filled with angry rantings and ravings aimed at those young attorneys, frustrated at the work they’ve given us. We know they are just skating by, counting on all of those above them to fix their mistakes! We get indignant and vow to never work with them again! We’re hesitant to give them work and we no longer trust them for the next project, mentally deleting them from the team roster. Never mind that every time their shining and hopeful faces darken our doors, we just want to scream at them.

Then, like anything in life, once the painful part is over, we don’t really want to spend time digging through the muck and thoughtfully considering our misery in any of kind of existential way. We just want to move on and try to enjoy some semblance of life before the next storm. But consider what we miss out on when we don’t force ourselves to go back through the experience and use its teachings to strategize the next nightmare.

It’s no wonder that there are so many senior attorneys who have a penchant for treating associates terribly. They are tired of “fixing” the mistakes of their juniors and then internally festering about it thereafter. After years and years of bottling up that frustration, it comes out in sharp language and harsh rebukes. But it doesn’t have to be this way; if we do our own work, we can be better and DO better for the next generation.

Besides, how can we expect young attorneys to ever get better at managing the chaos if we don’t eventually hold them accountable and help them to grow once the dust has settled?

In these situations, every attorney has a few options. They can fix the mistakes of their junior attorneys, cover them up, and stay silent in their anger, letting that frustration and bitterness grow and impact their relationships with young and developing attorneys. Most of us don’t even realize we are living in this camp. We see this more of an “out of sight, out of mind,” approach and I call that BS. It might be out of sight, out of mind in the euphoria that comes at the end of a chaotic week but those judgements and frustrations will inevitably resurface the next time we work with the person at issue and it will likely drive us to avoid recurrences. The end result? We take on too much and refuse to delegate because we “don’t trust” the junior attorneys to “do it right.” Fast forward to us getting burnt out and the junior attorneys not developing…and the cycle continues!

On the other hand, once that fire drill is over, leaders can have that uncomfortable conversation, give the feedback, and start setting some clear boundaries. When we let people know the impact their actions (or inactions) have on us, it builds accountability and awareness of the team dynamic. It provides an opportunity for them to do better the next time and helps them understand the importance of their role. It also provides an opportunity to provide clarity around future expectations–This is the only time I’m willing to re-do XYZ for you in the middle of a deal, the next time I’m going to make you re-do it even if it holds up everything else and I will let the rest of the team know of the issue.

Neither approach feels good. Neither approach is going to be fun. But in the approach where we give honest feedback, maybe those attorneys will stop making those same mistakes and perhaps we can develop an honest and open partnership where we can learn to trust and rely on each other. Maybe that approach will allow all of us to grow into senior attorneys and partners who not constantly fuming at young associates and the mistakes that they make. Perhaps we can get really good at providing the kind of feedback that we wish others had given to us when we were baby lawyers. Over time, we can become skilled at seeing these frustrating moments as providing a future opportunity to invest in the relationship and implement measures that might just prevent those things from happening again in the future.

It’s so easy to walk away from the chaos and just forget what happened and keep moving forward.

But the reality of it is that we don’t just forget.

When members of our team drop the ball in the middle of a project and we don’t eventually have that conversation, we don’t forget. We remember, we stew about it, and we develop a mistrust amongst our team members. If after every chaotic week, we were able to conduct a post-mortem and review the performance of those around us, looking for opportunities to mentor, develop, and provide authentic feedback to the rest of our team, imagine how much easier the next chaotic week just might be?

To be clear, I’m not making excuses for senior attorneys who lash out and treat associates terribly, but rather I can fully understand why they feel that way after years and years of being disappointed in the midst of chaos by those around them and having to swoop in and “save the day.” It’s difficult to not understand how lonely and frustrating it would feel to constantly mistrust everyone around you and feel like, if it weren’t for you, nothing would ever get done successfully. Bitter and angry? I get it. But there is a better way.

If you find yourself in leadership and mentorship roles and feeling angry and frustrated with those around you, let’s connect. I would love to spend a free consultation with you exploring ways to transform the way you lead and change the way you feel!

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On the contrary, one study showed that 53 percent of business owners believe that they can grow their business by more than 20 percent if they delegated 10 percent of their workload to someone else.

(AND more than 80% of those business owners agreed that they need help to achieve successful delegation. Sound familiar? Grab a free coaching consult and let in support to free up your schedule through the art of delegation.)

Could delegation be the key to allowing yourself and your team members to make their greatest contributions? Because isn’t that the whole point of having a team — each person making their own, unique contributions in a meaningful way?

Some thoughts on delegation to challenge our “go it alone” antiquated thinking….

Delegation is more than just passing down work

When you delegate you create opportunities for others to learn new skills, gain more experience, and have more confidence in their abilities to contribute.

Get clear on where you spend your time

There are not enough hours in your day to “do it all.” Evaluate your reasoning for everything you do in each moment. Which tasks are you willing to let go of in order to free yourself to make your greatest contribution?

Recognize that delegation is crucial for YOUR success

When we don’t see the benefits of delegating, we don’t delegate. We have to focus on why delegation is important and what it will gain us. Most of us want more time and energy to make our greatest contributions in which case delegation is essential.

Recognize that others are capable

People tend to perform in alignment with the expectations that others put on them. The greater our expectations of others, the greater probability that they will perform at an even higher level. We often see others as not being capable simply because it is something they have not done until now. Seeing other as competent is not only key to your success but their development.

Develop your team to free up even more of your time

In order to develop others and free yourself up for your higher priorities, we must consider delegating anything that someone else can do 70% as well as you can. Remember when you first performed the task you were not likely a master either. When we delegate these tasks to others, we provide them the opportunity to become their own master.

Check your ego at the door

We often think “I could have done it better” or “I could do it faster” or “I don’t want to look bad if this other person fails.” These are normal thoughts and may be true but at some point in your life you were not as fast or as masterful at a given task. You learn through your experience and mistakes. Don’t let your ego prevent others from having the same opportunity to grow and develop in the same ways that you have.

Allow room for growth

Mistakes are inevitable! Remember that you made mistakes before you had mastery of a skill. When you notice an error, give the person who made it an opportunity to correct it. When we continue to clean up others’ mistakes, we deprive them of the opportunity to learn and grow. Then mistakes will continue and you will use it as your justification to stop delegating.

It is not sustainable for us to “do it all.” We must become skilled at the art of delegation and letting in support if we want to have a meaningful place in the professional world. Open yourself up to delegation by challenging “your way” of doing things with the above counterarguments.

Chew on these reasons for delegating and if you need support putting together a delegation action plan, work with me and let’s get to work finding you more time so that you can make your greatest contribution and your team can grow and thrive.

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My client had been charged with managing a particularly large project that was not within her traditional practice area. The initiative required input and contributions from various practices across the firm and ongoing strategy sessions with the team. In addition to the strategy sessions, my client had regular one-on-one meetings with her supervisor. During a recent meeting with her supervisor, he indicated that he expected her to take the lead on the upcoming team discussion and that she would be managing the project from there on out. He wanted her to use this to get project management experience. When she attended the first team meeting to present the project plan, her supervisor took over and did not offer any opportunity for her to make contributions. As the meeting progressed, it became clear to my client that her supervisor and his team had not read any of the materials relating to the scope of the project and had grossly misunderstood the intent of the client. The meeting was largely unproductive, confusing for all members, and my client was pissed.

When we met, she relayed this story and went on to explain how her supervisor is a jerk, a terrible leader, incredibly disorganized, spiteful, arrogant, and childish. She said she hates working with him and that having to continually interact with someone who was such a poor supervisor was making her consider leaving her job entirely. How does someone like that get into a position of leadership!?

This kind of scenario and feedback is something that we all have to deal with at some point in time simply by being members of the human race. Although I like to think that we in the legal industry have an abnormal amount of individuals who are poor leaders and managers, the ultimate truth remains the same: sometimes people just suck.

But the problem with this scenario is that so many of my clients are driven to leave or consider leaving their place of employment due to this type of interaction. In attempts to remedy these situations, many of us vacillate between confronting the individual and outright avoiding them. We all know that feeling when you’re sitting in a meeting and you’re swimming in angry thoughts about the individual in front of you. They have no idea what they’re doing….I wish they would just shut up….why do they keep doing that….how can they be so oblivious….you’re such a terrible leader…. and on and on it goes. We feel our skin start to crawl and we actually start to believe that if we don’t get out of this place and get away from this person ASAP we’re going to lose our minds!

I get it. I have completely been there and so many of my clients have as well. So how do you dig out when every part of your body and every thought in your head is screaming to get away from this person?!

(Sound familiar? Sign up for a free consult, and let’s sort it out.)

First, we have to recognize that when we confront this person or simply avoid them, we are either trying to get the other person to change or we are trying to remove them from our orbit so we don’t have to do any work. We dream of confronting them and seeing them take our comments to heart so they can change for the better and then everything will be OK. In the alternative, we think that if we can just escape this person and not have to deal with them then everything will be OK in that scenario too. In either case, we’re trying to change or eliminate the problem person so that we don’t have to feel angry and frustrated anymore. Therein lies the problem:

Wanting someone or something else to change so that WE can feel better is a futile endeavor that rarely works. Instead, our work rests solely with us and how we handle the situation.

In my client’s scenario, she truly believed that her boss was a jerk, a terrible leader, disorganized, spiteful, arrogant, and childish. She provided those details to me as if they were well-documented facts. What she didn’t see was that none of that was true. These were all optional things she was choosing to believe about her boss. All of these thoughts and judgments about this person were making her completely miserable. She wanted me to help her learn how to navigate dealing with her jerk boss but she didn’t see that her beliefs and judgments about him were actually what was making her miserable. What she didn’t see was that in order to move forward she would have to at least open herself up to the possibility that her opinion about this person may not be accurate. That she was choosing to believe day-in and day-out that her boss was a jerk. Regardless of whether or not any of these thoughts could be proven factually accurate, it was clear that by living in these judgments of this other human, she was making herself crazy. The work wasn’t in learning how to deal with her “jerk” boss, the work was in seeing that she didn’t have to believe that he was a jerk.

Our judgments of other people are founded on the belief that those around us are supposed to act a certain way.

My client’s boss was supposed to be a good mentor, a good cheerleader for her, and supportive. She had this whole perception of who he was supposed to be. Her conclusion that he was a jerk was at odds with how she wanted things to be. That tug of war with reality was causing a tremendous amount of discomfort and frustration for her. So much so that she just wanted to get away from it. But as many of you know, anytime you leave one experience for another we often encounter the same types of humans who elicit the same types of challenges all over again.

We end up creating for ourselves a pattern of moving from place to place, identifying a new jerk in each situation, and moving on again and again.

Rather than showing up to work believing that her boss was a jerk, she had myriad options available to her as to how she could potentially think of the situation. She could instead recognize that he was showing up exactly how he was meant to. He was being everything that is uniquely him. And that is completely OK. In fact, that is the beauty of this world. We all have the ultimate right to show up and be whomever and however we want to be. So rather than showing up in judgment and stewing in anger and frustration, my client could instead look at this person as an opportunity for her to experiment with compassion and unconditional love. She wasn’t frustrated because of him or the things that he was doing. The reason she was frustrated was that she was focusing on who she wanted him to be and was marinating her brain in all of these negative judgments about him when he didn’t fit her mold. So instead I asked her, how do you want to think about this person? How do you want to show up in this experience?

She revealed that she wanted to be calm and collected. She wanted to advocate for herself. To step in and LEAD just like he had asked her to. She wanted to focus on the fact that she knew he never wanted to be a manager and that he seemed to be trying to do the best he could with the position that he never sought out.

This didn’t make her feel warm and fuzzy. It didn’t make her want to stay at the firm forever. But it did allow her some neutral emotions and some space to look at this person from a different perspective. It allowed the judgment to subside and along with that came a reduction in her frustration and anger and her desire to flee. Instead, we developed a plan for her to have an honest and curious conversation with him about the project. A conversation that was not intended to CHANGE him but one rooted in compassion and a desire to better UNDERSTAND him.

After all, it’s so much easier to speak your truth from a place of neutrality than when you are fueled by pent-up anger and frustration.

Imagine how much happier we all could be if instead of judging everyone around us and believing that things should be different we chose to believe that everything was happening as it should and just tried to love those around us? It’s not easy but it certainly feels a lot better than the alternative.

I truly believe that the only thing preventing us from loving everyone around us is our thoughts about them. If you could change that, imagine how much happier you would be.

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