One of the things that resonated with me and my work as a coach is her explanation of how our thoughts create a vibrational frequency that ultimately attracts our results. She says:

“Whatever you’re thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you’re worrying, you are planning. When you’re appreciating you are planning…What are you planning?”

Whether you believe in the law of attraction and the vibrational energy underlying our every action and thought, we can all appreciate the basic premise: our thoughts craft our feelings and everything we say and do and create is a direct reflection of those feelings. The net result is that your thoughts create your results and ultimately, your life. Each thought generates emotions within you that propel you to act (or not act) in a certain way. Those actions are the building blocks of your life and your present state.

I recently had a client who explained to me, very logically and rationally, that she never finishes anything. She explained to me that she just wasn’t any good at following through on things or keeping promises to anyone or herself. She made these statements as if they were absolute truths. Like they were the basic facts of her life. She then went on to tell me about the things she dreamt about accomplishing in her life but she wanted to explore how she could start creating those things.

When we started working together, she did not see that she was carrying around some pretty heavy thoughts that were responsible for her inaction. Her thoughts about her inability to finish things were not facts — they were simply choices she was making. Those choices were not serving her or her dreams.

When we explored the impact of her thinking I never finish anything, we discovered that whenever that thought occurred to her, it made her feel apathetic and unmotivated. From that space she was taking small actions, never really making any big efforts or changes, she just wasn’t really motivated to do anything massive to pursue her dreams. It was not shocking to her that a feeling of apathy was not motivating her to action. Rather, apathy was creating inaction and proving to her that she never finishes things. She was constantly in a state of struggle against herself because on the one hand, she had all these goals but on the other hand, she was clinging to beliefs about herself that made her goals seem ridiculous.

Like her dreams were simply a lost cause, better suited for someone else.

Like Abraham says, when you think I never finish anything it’s as if you are deliberately planning to never finish anything. You create a self-fulfilling prophecy about your life.

Her inaction wasn’t responsible for her lack of results. It was her thinking. Luckily for all of us, our thoughts are 100% within our control.

The next time you find yourself swimming through some crappy emotional fog, sit down and consider the thoughts driving those feelings. What are you choosing to think and what impact is that having on your actions and your results?

The first step is becoming aware of your thoughts. From there you can craft any future you can imagine.

Anywho, it got me thinking about our brains and the power that we all have residing within us. I like to think of my brain is a magical genie and if you coach with me, I’m sure you have heard me describe your brain the same way. And yes, dear reader, yours is too I promise.

Have you ever noticed that when you go car-shopping and you start getting interested in a particular make and model of that car, you start to notice it everywhere? Or when you suddenly realize that you are in love with your best friend and you start to find hints of your infatuation in every historical and present interaction? How could you have missed that?! You are so meant to be together! Bah!  Or when you think I want to study abroad in China and all of a sudden you notice “signs” every where confirming your love of China and that your entire life has brought you to this realization.

We have all had those moments were our brain is directed toward a particular item/realization/thought and suddenly your world is filled with evidence to support that thought.

Setting fate, destiny, laws of attraction aside, let’s focus on the neuroscience of this. Your brain is a magical machine and when you give it a task (read: a thought) it buzzes to life sniffing out every possible iota of evidence to support that thought–when you think I really need to travel to China your brain will gravitate to any and all evidence supporting that thought disregarding any evidence to the contrary. Your brain wants to keep you safe and that means focusing on the task at hand and avoiding distractions.

Conversely, this also works for not so warm and fuzzy thoughts. For instance, if you tell yourself I’m really clumsy, your brain will come up with all sorts of evidence to support that thought. If you tell yourself I’m not good with math, your brain will get to work proving to you that your thought is true. Your brain wants to be efficient. You give it a task (a thought) and it will get to work executing that task (proving that thought).

(In fact, often times the emotions generated by that thought will also create actions that only serve to prove the thought true as well but that’s another discussion for another time. Suffice it to say that any thought creates activity on multiple levels that will ultimately demonstrate the proof of that thought.)

This is such an important realization particularly for those of us who are trying to turn a corner in our lives. So often my clients are wanting to make that leap. They want to change course, quit their job, start a business, get a divorce, whatever, but they keep telling themselves I don’t know how.

When you tell yourself I don’t know how , your brain will get to work confirming that you have no idea what you are doing. It will prove to you that you don’t know how to do it. It will present you with a list of all the things you don’t understand and won’t be able to figure out.

I don’t know how to start a business, I don’t know anything about taxes, or corporate entities, or how to get a website or a tax id, I don’t know what kind of business I would want…and on and on and on.

“I don’t know” is the biggest dream destroying thought I have ever encountered.

It feels SO TRUE but it’s not. It’s just a thought and all thoughts are optional. If you truly don’t want to ever figure it out, please go on your merry way thinking I don’t know.

This rule also holds true for the people in our lives and what we think about them. If you keep telling yourself how selfish your partner is, your brain will mercilessly tally up each and every “selfish” thing your partner does and disregard evidence to the contrary.

The net result: whatever you focus your energy on, is what you are going to get. If you focus your energy on your partner being selfish, you will find a no-good, very bad, selfish partner. Congratulations!

In contrast, if you can choose to focus on the good aspects in yourself and other humans, your brain will get to work finding evidence to support that thought. It will help you build support for seeing the good in other people. This is why people can have such varying and strongly held opinions on each other — it all comes down to what they are choosing to focus on.

Let’s consider the alternative. If you start thinking I can figure this out, your brain will get working to present you with all possible avenues to sort it out. It will offer you ideas and so many different ways that you could figure it out.

If you make an effort to consciously think My partner is incredibly kind and gentle, your brain will find so much proof of how great your partner is in these respects. It will change the energy you bring to that relationship just by shifting that focus. Imagine what benefits could result from that change in perspective and presence.

It’s all about where we focus our energy and what we direct our brain to do. If your brain were a genie, consider what you are asking it to give you. That is what your thoughts are doing. Choose wisely.

Work with me and let’s see how far we can push your genie. You deserve to have all your hopes and dreams come true.

I don’t like New Year’s resolutions because they usually have such a negative flavor:

This year, I’m going to lose weight.

This year, I’m going to finish my college degree.

This year, I’m going to find a boyfriend.

This year, I’m going to find a new job.

These resolutions all smell of lack and unhappiness for our present state. They suggest that there is something wrong with where we currently are—that we need to find something better.

This year, I’m going to lose weight because I hate my body.

This year, I’m going to finish my college degree because I’m not good enough without it.

This year, I’m going to find a boyfriend because I’m tired of being alone.

This year, I’m going to find a new job because then I will be happy.

So often, we set resolutions because we are fed-up and throwing in the towel. We are sick of where we currently stand and tell ourselves, this is the year we “fix” things. It’s a resolution because you are resolved to do better, be better, find better.

This is one of the reasons people avoid setting goals—it reminds them that they are not happy with their current state.

It reminds them of what their life is currently lacking.

That is not the way to set goals.

The other reason people avoid goal-setting is because it creates discomfort. Setting a goal positions your brain to start lecturing you about how this goal will never work. Why you won’t attain it or can’t attain it. Those thoughts create tremendous discomfort and, if unobserved, will create tremendous inertia. (Resolution: go nowhere fast!)

The end result is broken resolutions and more proof that you simply aren’t good enough.

It’s no wonder that less than 10% of New Year’s resolutions are fulfilled! We are approaching it all wrong.

In coaching, we approach goal-setting from a place of abundance. We start from a place of gratitude for what you have achieved. In between thinking about what we want, we remind ourselves of what we used to want so badly but now have.

I want to become an accomplished partner and lead a practice group.

I want to spend a month living in Thailand.

I want to spend a summer in China.

I want to work from home.

I want to have a house that is warm and inviting and demonstrates my personality and love for antiques, life, and all things hippie.

I want to have 10 cats and dogs!

I want to teach in a collegiate setting.

Half of the things on this list I have already accomplished. Half of them I haven’t.

When I read this list, I get excited. I remember how badly I wanted some of those things. I remember how I was able to accomplish them. I am filled with pride and hope and excitement, knowing that I can accomplish everything else on this list…I’m already half way there!

That is the space to “goal” from. That is the energy that will bring your dreams to light.

Stop criticizing “here” and dreaming that “there” will be better. It won’t! Life is 50-50, no matter how many goals you check off your list, there will always be good days and bad days.

In contrast, when I create a list comprised solely of things I want but don’t have, it makes my stomach turn in knots. It feels overwhelming and insurmountable. Intimidating. Pie in the sky, adorable little list of dreams that I can throw away in the month and get back to reality.

That is why I hate NYE resolutions.

I encourage all my clients to set “unattainable goals” because we all need something to strive for—a journey that will scare us and try us and mold us into something new. But setting goals must come from a place of grace and thankfulness—a place of abundance.

When setting goals, ask yourself: are you attracting abundance or are you attracting want? Whatever you are putting out into the universe when you set your goals will come back to you. Choose wisely.

Never make a list of goals or NYE resolutions, unless you surround those dreams with the abundance of your life that you have already achieved. Don’t let yourself ignore all the amazing goals you have already checked off your list. You owe it to yourself to recognize those accomplishments. Foster appreciation and recognize your abundance so that you can attract more.

Setting goals is just the first step process. Then the fun begins: fear, doubt, and uncertainty. How do you achieve any goal you set your mind to? Buckle up and start tackling fear, doubt, and uncertainty. That is where having a trusted coach to support the journey can make all the difference.

Need help setting your 2020 goals? Set up a free coaching consultation and let me support you as you plan your 2020 successes.

I have, in fact, shown up to work at a big fancy law firm with my shirt on inside out or having forgotten to do my eye make-up on just my left eye.

Just like all other humans on the face of the planet, I am challenged every day to evolve, to learn, and some days it’s a challenge just to fix my face and be kind.

No, dear readers, I do not have all the answers. If you ever encounter a life coach who tells you that they have the answers, take a mental picture and walk away slowly. Any one who claims to have all the answers is either an enlightened being or a narcissist.

What I can offer you is a ‘how to’ guide to yourself. Did you know that your brain has between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts per day? I can’t even manage my ABCs if I have “wordy” music playing in the background. It’s a wonder we can get anything done with all those thoughts wandering around up there. But here’s the real deal. Those thoughts are choices. They are not facts, they do not necessarily represent the truth, and they do not just happen to you.

They are things you are choosing to think.

You control them. They are options and you are probably picking the crappy ones. If your thoughts are all choices and can be characterized as truth or falsity, don’t you think we should spend some time looking at those thoughts? I don’t mean the thoughts “that pen is pink” or “the sky is blue”. I am not challenging you to get all red pill, blue pill, matrix-style on me. The thoughts I challenge you to evaluate are those that have an impact on our daily lives. Those thoughts that drive our emotions, even if subtly.

Here’s the truth: your reptilian brain is stuck in a ‘thought routine.’ It is telling you, and you are believing, all sorts of things that aren’t true. And it is all happening without your awareness.

Here are a few of my own wonderful thoughts that required some challenging:

• my boss has no idea how to manage people
• my co-worker is a judgmental prick
• I can’t be a partner and have a family
• no one else works as hard as I do
• I am a terrible public speaker and I hate doing it

These types of thoughts often seem like bare naked truth. We like these thoughts, we LIVE these thoughts, we snuggle up with these thoughts at night when we are mad at the world or burying our faces in a gallon of pistachio ice cream. Every time I see that boss at the water fountain, I can just feel the irritation boiling up in me. Inevitably, I end up in a mental argument with him about how incompetent he is and how he’s an energy vampire sucking the enjoyment out of work for all of us who have to work with him. And on and on it goes.

Your brain evolved to keep you safe. Your brain did not evolve to “damn the man”, buck the system or get uncomfortable.

Your brain evolved to keep you in the cave; safe, warm and sheltered from the elements and predators. In order to do big things, you have to experience discomfort, fear, and uncertainty. Those types of actions will require you to either ignore all those thoughts in your head (white knuckle resistance) or develop alternative thoughts.

For example, it’s certainly possible that all of the above thoughts about my career and my boss are widely held and could potentially be proven true in a court of law by a jury of my peers. But couldn’t the following also be true?

• my boss is doing the best he can with the limited abilities that he has; no one ever taught him how to be a leader
• my coworker is incredibly insecure and is hard on everyone but especially on himself
• I can make my career be anything that I want it to be–with or without a family–because, after all, it is my career
• I go to work and do my best every day. I work diligently and honestly and make myself proud every day and that is all that matters
• I can learn to be a great pubic speaker

Maybe that boss is doing the best he can. Maybe he knows he isn’t doing a good job and spends all day long stewing about how he is probably going to get fired and then how is he going to support his kids and send them to college?! Is that true? I don’t know. Could it be true? Certainly. Are there things about that boss that you don’t know? Absolutely, 100%.

I’m not saying that you have to see everything and everyone with rose-colored glasses and you most definitely should not delude yourself or lie to yourself about anything. Ever. What I’m saying is that there are good things or unknown things about every person and circumstance in your life. Why not spend your energy thinking about those things instead or, at least, considering their existence? Because, after all, what you are thinking is truly a choice.

The reason this work is so important is because those thoughts elicit feelings that will drive your actions and ultimately your results. Your thoughts are the very root of your feelings, your actions, and your results. Period. Crappy thoughts = Crappy results.

If you spend every day thinking pissy thoughts about your boss, you are going to feel terrible–angry, annoyed, unmotivated. It’s your choice. But why would you choose that?! Do you want to feel angry, annoyed, and unmotivated?

Let’s test this theory. Spend 30 seconds, reading through each of these thoughts and imagining them applying to situation in your life. Sit with those thoughts.

• my boss has no idea how to manage people
• my co-worker is a judgmental prick
• I can’t be a partner and have a family
• no one else works as hard as I do
• I am a terrible public speaker and I hate doing it

Now how do you feel? Truly? How are you feeling right now after sitting with those thoughts?

When I read through that set of thoughts and put myself in that head space it make me angry and indignant. I stew about the ‘old boys club’ and I get down on myself and my shortcomings. I certainly don’t feel motivated to do much to advance my career or better my work situation. I feel deflated and hopeless.

How about this — did your brain have a hard time coming up examples of how those thoughts had been true in your life? I doubt it. Your brain is a magical machine and if you give it a task (i.e., a thought) it will get to work coming up with proof to support those thoughts.

Now take a spin through the second set of thoughts and do the same exercise:

• my boss is doing the best he can with the limited abilities that he has; no one ever taught him how to be a leader
• my coworker is incredibly insecure and is hard on everyone but especially on himself
• I can make my career be anything that I want it to be–with or without a family–because, after all, it is my career
• I go to work and do my best every day. I work diligently and honestly and make myself proud every day and that is all that matters
• I can learn to be a great pubic speaker

How do you feel? Lighter than before? More open to new possibilities for your career and life? Was your brain able to come up with some semblance of support for these thoughts? When I read through that second set of thoughts and think of them in a way that I can find some kernel of truth in them and believe them, I feel differently. Optimistic. From that space I can make better choices and take actions that are more consistent with my values.

For example, instead of crucifying my boss in my head every day, I could instead think “he is doing the best he can and I know that if I needed time off or needed to vent to him about things, he would be there and he would listen.” Or “I know my boss and I have never seen eye to eye but he would truly be disappointed if I left; he really does want me to succeed.” Those thoughts, even typing those thoughts, makes me feel better about the situation.

Here’s what I am trying to virtually show you…Those thoughts bouncing around up there create your feelings. Feeling upset up about something? Stop and take 30 seconds alone to sit down and write down every freaking thought in your head. Those thoughts are what are making you feel that way. Nothing else. There is no event out there in the world making you feel a certain way and there are no humans on this planet making you feel a certain way. Those feelings are all based upon your thoughts – your CHOICES. Take a long look at all those thoughts you just wrote down–are they all true? Are they things you want to be thinking? Are those choices you feel good about making?

That’s the magic sauce, my friends. If you can gain awareness of your thoughts and how those thoughts impact your feelings and all actions that flow from those feelings, you can change your life.

If that doesn’t click for you, let’s bring Bill Nye into this. Check out the work of Dr. Masaru Emoto and his experiments on how our thoughts and intentions alter the shape and structure of water crystals. For the non-science-y ones of us, Dr. Emoto studied the impact of positive and negative thoughts and how those thoughts impacted water crystallization. Where water was exposed to positive thinking, the water formed beautiful, balanced crystalline structures. In comparison, those exposed to negative thinking or words formed distorted and unshapely crystalline structures. Now consider the fact that up to 60% of our bodies are made of water and our brains and hearts are over 70% water.

If you think those negative thoughts are hurting your boss, think again. They are only hurting you. Literally.

They are physically altering significant portions of your body, especially your brain and your heart. What’s more, those thoughts are creating negative feelings and let’s be honest, negative feelings don’t often inspire us to become employee of the year. So here again, you are only hurting yourself – your boss does not feel those mental jabs you are throwing. We can’t all be Jedi.

My work is founded upon this truth: our thoughts create our feelings which create our actions and ultimately our life. I promise you that I can show you that any action or inaction in your life and your career are being driven by thoughts you might not even be aware of or thoughts that are simply untrue. This not easy work and I am not concerned that I am giving you the keys to the kingdom by telling you all this. This is basic truth that every human should know. I work with my clients to learn the sneaky ways our brains trick us and hold us back. You will be amazed at yourself, I promise you. If it was easy, everyone would do it and everyone would be living their dreams. That is not the case because this stuff is hard. Plain and simple.

Learning the skills to manage your mind and your emotions is a challenge, my friends and I want to teach you how to do it. This is work that will change your life, your relationships, and your career. Join me. Your best life is waiting for you. What are you waiting for?

Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. Carl Jung.