The way you think, feel, and act has a direct impact on the opportunities you create and the results you achieve. By adopting specific mental strategies, you can align your mind with your aspirations and unlock your potential. Here are three powerful mind hacks to help you get anything you want:

1. Live the Goal, NOW

One of the most effective ways to create the life you want is by visualizing your desired outcomes as though they’ve already happened. (Sound familiar? I started getting into this idea a few years ago, you can read about it here.) This strategy, often referred to as “pre-paving,” involves mentally rehearsing your future success, imagining every detail, and stepping into the version of yourself who has already achieved those goals. The key? FEELING yourself accomplishing that goal. Those feelings drive your actions and align your energy with the law of attraction. (Here’s a meditation to kickstart the process.)

Start by asking yourself:

• What does my life look like when I’ve achieved this?
• How do I feel?
• What steps did I take to get here?

When you visualize success vividly, your brain begins to interpret these thoughts as reality, motivating you to take the necessary actions to bridge the gap between where you are now and where you want to be.

It’s also helpful to align your daily habits with your vision. Take small, consistent steps every day that move you closer to your goal. Whether it’s making a phone call, sending an email, learning a new skill, or affirming your intentions, every action reinforces your commitment. Over time, this process helps you build momentum and confidence. For instance, if you’re working on manifesting a keynote speaking gig at a regional women’s conference (too specific?), you can start writing that keynote TODAY. And when that’s done, start writing your NEXT keynote.

It’s all about asking yourself:

• If I had already achieved the goal, what would I be doing right now?
• If I knew my goal was inevitable, what would I do today to further it?

2. Stay Present, Be Mindful of Your Energy

As you work toward your goals, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and forget to check in with yourself. However, one of the most underrated keys to success is mindfulness—the practice of staying present and fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and actions.

When life starts moving quickly, pause regularly to reflect on your progress. Ask yourself:

• How am I feeling right now?
• Are my actions aligned with my values and goals?

Practicing mindfulness helps you remain in tune with your emotions and ensures that you’re staying on track. This self-awareness allows you to make adjustments when necessary and avoid burnout. (Psst, this is one of the reasons why my approach to calendaring your life is essential—not just for your sanity but for creating your dreams. Check out my on-demand Time Mastery Workshop — unless you’re a client, in which case, check your coaching library .)

Mindfulness also keeps you grounded in the present moment. While planning for the future is important, obsessing over what’s ahead can lead to unnecessary stress. Instead, focus on what you can do today to bring you closer to your goal. Celebrate small wins, appreciate your efforts, and trust the process.

3. Let it Go

Your past experiences, while valuable for learning and growth, can sometimes become roadblocks to your future success. Holding onto regrets, failures, or grievances can weigh you down and prevent you from fully embracing new opportunities.

To move forward, practice the art of letting go. This doesn’t mean ignoring your past but reframing it in a way that empowers you. Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, see them as lessons that have shaped your resilience and character. (Check out how to rewrite your past to transform your future in last month’s podcast.)

If certain memories or emotions still trigger negative feelings, consider journaling or meditating to process them. Ask yourself:

• What have I learned from this experience?
• How has it helped me grow?

By focusing on the lessons and releasing the pain, you create mental and emotional space for positive energy and new possibilities.

Letting go also applies to outdated beliefs about yourself. If you’ve ever told yourself, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never succeed,” recognize that these are just thoughts—not truths. Challenge those limiting beliefs by replacing them with affirmations that resonate with you. Consider: “I am capable, worthy, and deserving of success.” Over time, this shift in mindset will help you step into your power and unlock your potential.

Putting It All Together

The key to achieving anything you want in life lies in mastering your mind. By visualizing your success, practicing mindfulness, and releasing limiting beliefs, you align your thoughts and actions with your deepest desires. Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process that requires patience, consistency, and self-compassion.

Start small. Commit to one of these mind hacks today and see how it transforms your mindset and approach to life. Over time, you’ll not only achieve your goals but also grow into the best version of yourself. You have the power to create the life you want—one thought, one action, and one step at a time.

Photo by meo

Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

Find more on this topic in our latest newsletter available here or sign up to get future newsletters right to your in-box.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

Those of you that work with me know that I am a huge advocate of starting off each day with clear priorities. Every morning, before I start any work, I list out 3 priorities for the day so that I have a clear metric of what success looks like for that day and to help me focus my energy.

With those priorities in mind, everything else must flex in honor of those items. If something unexpected comes up during the day, I measure it in comparison to my priorities before I decide whether and how much energy to give to it. Sometimes I shift my priorities accordingly and other times, I have to find a way to make the unexpected bend in honor of my priorities for the day.

There is no drama about the unexpected; it is simply an evaluation of the unexpected in comparison to my priorities.

Further, how I honor and recognize those priorities is the only metric by which I measure my contribution for the day — whether I “achieve” all my priorities is not the questions. Rather, it is about living intentionally with awareness of those priorities and then honoring or deviating from those priorities consciously.

Priorities allow us to live intentionally and give us clarity so that we longer live at the mercy of whatever the day throws at us.

In addition to my daily priorities, I list the following –

One thing I am grateful for that day.

I am grateful for the support of my partner.

One thing  look forward to that day.

I look forward to taking the dogs for a walk and listening to my favorite podcast.

One thing I will avoid that day.

I will avoid lingering in anger about things I cannot change.

One thing I will practice believing that day.

Today, I will practice believing that I create the life of my dreams.

I keep all these in a journal that I add to every morning and am able to look back through to commend myself for my accomplishments and to remember all that I have to be grateful for.

While I have found great success with this practice over the years, I decided to update my process for 2023. In addition to working through these items every day, I also write down my goals for the year and everything I will do to help me achieve them. Specifically, I write my goals as if they were already accomplished in 2023. For example, today I wrote:

In 2023 I finished my yoga teaching training certification, launched my Podcast and published my book. In support of this every day I will journal, meditate, practice yoga and pray.

I began this practice as a means to dig into manifestation and align my energy with that future me, who has accomplished all of those things. What would she have done in furtherance of those goals? What steps did she take to get there? By writing out those goals as if I have already achieved them, I am able to more readily access my beliefs that my goals are not only possible but as good as done. It allows me to align my energy and tap into faith that anything is possible.

I didn’t initially begin this practice in hopes that it would help me day-to-day with priority setting but what I have found is that this practice has provided a useful lens through which I view each and every day and the time I spend on activities outside of each day’s overarching priorities.

What initially began as a manifestation practice has morphed into a metric by which I measure any and everything that gets on my calendar.

Through this lens I was able to cancel unimportant busy work and clear activities to make room for full days of focusing on my podcast and polishing that book.

While it is easy to let our calendar and practice run away from us and fill our days with myriad activities and to-do list items, a full calendar does not necessarily mean we’re operating with our overreaching priorities in mind. Instead a full calendar simply requires us to show up and execute without much thought behind it. Starting each day writing out my goals for the year (in addition to my priorities for the day) has allowed me to add an additional lens to that already full calendar. It allows me to question everything that I am attending to in every day and ask if there’s room for me to transfer that energy to a higher purpose.

If you are struggling to execute on your goals, I encourage you to take 2 minutes each day playing around with these exercises and focusing your energy before each day begins. If you need additional help, please don’t hesitate to let me know!

Photo by Karolina Grabowska

It’s rare that I meet an associate attorney who is not plagued by this question. Once you get to a certain point in your practice, you can’t help but wonder — what’s next? Whether or not to make partner often looms large on the horizon as we struggle with the demands of practicing law.

If we’re not here to make partner then what is this all for? If we make partner what does that even mean?

If you are struggling to wrap your arms about what you want for your career, schedule a free consult session and work with me to explore your reasoning and start taking decisive action one way or another!

In order to unravel this quagmire, I recommend examining the following steps. (Yet more instructions because that’s what we’re good at!)

Examine your why.

Why do you want to make partner? Why is it important to you?

There is no wrong or right answer to this question. The only thing that matters is that your reasoning resonates with you. For many of my clients they want to become partner so that they can be an example of what’s possible to all the other women around them and all the young girls who will come after them. For others, it’s simply the culmination of this journey. They want to check it off of their list before moving onto other things. Whatever your reasoning may be, it’s crucial that we keep that front and center to carry us through the inevitable hardships that will come in pursuit of this goal (as with any goal). Knowing our reason for acting will help us do the hard things that may be asked of us on the next leg of the trek.

If you don’t like your reasoning–for instance, if your reasoning is: I want to make partner because I feel like I should, and you realize that doesn’t resonate with you and that won’t be enough to push through the attendant hardships–your next task is to explore whether you want to make a change or whether you simply want to embrace where you are. That realization alone can be jarring and if you want support to figure out what this means for your journey, grab a free consultation and get some clarity.

For those wanting to explore the journey to partnership…

Next we start gathering information and making a plan.

If, assuming that you like your reasoning, you decide that you want to pursue partnership, our next course of action is to develop a plan. We have to get some clarity around this murky process. Every firm has a different approach but what I have found universally to be true is that the requirements for partnership are murky and subjective at best. In order to determine how to unpack this project we have to examine the information that is readily offered to us. This will likely require conversations with the partners that manage our workflow or oversee our practice to get a sense of the general requirements for partnership.

From there, we have to develop a list of action items and information to ferret out.  Are there skills that you believe you need to develop to make partner? Are there skills the firm wants you to develop to make partner? Are there people that you need on your side? Who are the individuals that have input into your qualifications for partnership? What types of partnerships are available and what do those entail? How will your responsibilities change when you make partner? How will partnership impact your compensation and benefits?

Often, our uncertainty (and lack of action) around partnership is because we don’t know the answers to these questions. If we are going to make this happen for us and on our timeline we need to start understanding how some of these questions fit into the broader picture.

The biggest mistake I see attorneys make is that they treat partnership as if it were something 100% outside of their control and they allow the firm and the partners to drive the boat. They wait for the firm to tell them when they are ready to be admitted into this exclusive club and they wait for the firm to provide the answers to some of the critical questions about partnership. This lack of clarity and uncertain timeframes is what causes many of us to bristle and leave before fully exploring this opportunity. We let partnership be an exclusive club and we tire of waiting for the invitation. Instead, I propose that we plant outside right outside the club door and start knocking (loudly).

Rather than waiting for the firm to tell us the process and let us know when they are ready for us, we must instead seek out the information that we want and force those around us to tell us what it will take. With that information in hand, our goal is to develop some form of accountability in the relationship with the firm. We want to know what is expected of you so that we can hold the firm accountable once you have met those qualifications. It’s all about open and transparent communications about the process and the expectations so that there can be no misunderstandings once those requirements are satisfied. We must take ownership of our path and seek out clarity in an overly opaque system. In sum, we must endeavor to make what seems to be a subjective process into an objective one.

Next, we take action.

Once we have some answers to the above questions we can start developing a plan. If there are certain skills and projects that the firm wants you to develop before making partnership it’s time for you to start working with those around you to find opportunities to develop those skills. Additionally, it’s time for you to communicate those needs to those around you, asking how you can make those skills a reality. Letting everyone around you know what your goals are and the skills that you’re wanting to develop will provide an opportunity for everyone around you to support this endeavor (or not). Either way, you will secure essential information for you to have as you determine your future course of action. With this information, we can work with those around us to satisfy these goals, to learn the things that are being asked of us, and to check in periodically on the status of our progress to partnership.

That brings us to our final step:

Accountability.

Once we have a plan and we’ve let everyone around us in on that plan, we must check in and hold those around us accountable for our achievement of those benchmarks. If there is some expectation that you satisfy certain metrics or develop certain skills before the firm will consider you for partnership, it is essential that we have individuals around us who will tell us when those goals have been satisfied. In order to do so, we must continually check in with those individuals to understand our progress on the path. To do otherwise is to give complete control over our progression to everyone else. In this step, we hold the firm accountable for the expectations that they have communicated and we strive to ensure that we are doing everything possible to satisfy those expectations and to gain clarity when we have not met the mark (or when the metrics suddenly change).

These steps are intended to take our power back. To no longer let the firm drive the boat of partnership but rather give us a road map to making it a reality. While you may or may not make partner at the end of all these steps above, what you will know for certain is whether you can trust your firm and whether they are willing to be held accountable for the expectations being communicated to you. That information will not only inform the relationship, it will be invaluable to you in determining where you go from there.

I have helped hundreds of attorneys on their journey and many of my clients have pursued partnership successfully (and often early) using the above steps. If partnership is something you want to pursue, please don’t hesitate to schedule a call with me and let me support you!

Photo by Jo Kassis

Yesterday, I woke up to a series of surprises waiting for me inside my lawyer inbox. Several hours worth of “important” meetings and phone calls had been abruptly canceled or rescheduled. Suddenly my schedule was blissfully wide open for the majority of the day. My heart soared with excitement! What was I going to do with all of this free time on a Friday?!!!!

My mind raced with possibilities!

I could take the day off!

Lounge around and catch up on all of those Netflix series I have been dreaming about!

I could relax and read a book!

Wahoo, the world was my oyster!!

Then I took a peek at my calendar to see all the items that still remained on my schedule that day. First thing in the morning I had scheduled time for yoga and meditation, followed by the gym, and a quick walk with the pups. But on that particular morning, I was already feeling the pull of a lounge-y and lazy day, dripping in margaritas and Netflix. I didn’t want to do the things I had planned for myself. I wanted to erase my schedule and live a day of luxurious freedom and laziness! At that point I started to feel the tension between what I desperately wanted to do and all the adult-y things I had already planned on doing. It was in that moment I realized the difference between wanting something and committing to it.

I have always wanted to have a regular yoga and meditation routine and I want to go to the gym five times every week. In furtherance of these goals, they are always on my calendar and, at that moment, they were staring back at me.

I didn’t want to go to the gym and I most certainly did not want to contemplate my life in deep meditation. I wanted to Netflix and chill and bliss out like a real grownup!

Not every day are we going to want to execute on the goals we have set for ourselves. But that’s the difference that distinguishes our ability to achieve our goals from everyone else that never does.

It’s not about wanting it, the question is whether or not you’re committed to it enough to push through and do it even when you don’t want to.

There will always be days when you don’t want to do the things on your list. In those moments we have to honor our goals by showing up in commitment to them. Only when that commitment drives us can we truly succeed. Only when we allow commitment to propel us forward will we be able to show up consistently and follow through on our goals.

There is no room for “wanting” to do it; it’s only a question of whether you will or won’t.

If you have a goal or a dream you want to make a reality, don’t hesitate to schedule some time with me to explore how we can work together to make it your reality. There is no time like the present.

So yesterday, even though I wanted to ignore my best laid plans, I sat down and started following through on my calendar and the plans I had set for myself. As I started to move through each item, I felt a calmness wash over me and a small sense of pride as I realized I was showing up for myself. I was showing up for my dreams and showing up to be the person that I truly wanted to be. I took that free time I had been gifted, gave my primitive brain the middle finger, and instead did something more in alignment with the person I want to be–I went for a hike with my dogs.

So often we think that when we get to a certain point in our life we will finally be able to do all the things we’ve been wanting. I recently caught myself thinking the same thing.

Once we retire I’ll have time to luxuriate and read all day. Once we move to Colorado I’ll be able to hike with my dogs regularly.

But the reality of it is on days like yesterday when my schedule magically opened up, it was an opportunity for me to execute on those dreams now: to fully commit to those dreams. Those dreams are not things that have to wait for me in the future once certain circumstances in my life change. There are plenty of amazing hikes and trails near my home. Days like yesterday are an opportunity for me to stop dreaming and start being committed to making those dreams happen today. Rather than demolishing my schedule, yesterday I chose to follow through all my plans and utilize that free time to turn some of those hopes and wishes into actuality. Yesterday, life gifted me with the time to not only show up for myself but explore some of those “future” hopes and dreams and make them my present reality.

The next time you find yourself with extra space in your calendar, explore how you can use that time to further your goals and connect with your dream life.

Take 30 minutes to start writing that book, spend those 15 minutes in the DMV line digging into one of those books you’ve been dreaming about, take 30 minutes to do a yoga class, walk the dogs, go for a hike, take a long bath, WHATEVER. The point is that we must not wait for some future time to start creating the life of our dreams. Your life is happening now; we just have to commit to making it the life that we truly want and ignore the Netflix easy button.

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto

I felt very fortunate that throughout the entire pandemic my gym remained open. For many weeks, they only admitted 10 individuals and I happily sat on the curb outside waiting for my opportunity to get in and enjoy the limited 30 minute workout in the nearly empty gym. Over time, they adjusted to a limited capacity and eventually full capacity. About a year ago, I started working one-on-one with a personal trainer at my gym. Over several months, we started to set clearer and more challenging goals and increase the time we spent working together. With his help, I was able to check off my first round of goals: 225# squats and unassisted pullups. Having achieved that goal, we moved on to bigger and more challenging goals and started meeting three times each week for one hour with assignments to workout independently two additional days. Admittedly, the sessions are grueling and my body has been sore in new, unexpected ways and I’m starting to appreciate the “pains” of getting older (but that’s another story for another time).

When the virus finally reached our home, it was the first time during the pandemic that I legitimately quarantined and never left the house. This meant no personal training whatsoever. I found myself thoroughly enjoying my wide open calendar given that personal training was occupying more than 5 hours each week. Now that training was no longer an option, I was blissfully enjoying the added time in my calendar. I was able to stay up late without worrying about the next early morning workout, I was no longer concerned with my protein and carb intake, and my body was no longer sore everyday. It was heavenly and my primitive brain was loving it.

Eventually, our quarantine ended and it was time for me to get back to work. I found myself resisting reaching out to my trainer to get our session scheduled again. I didn’t want to do it. I enjoyed the free time that I had. I enjoyed not being sore. I enjoyed having wide open mornings where I could do my yoga and meditation unrushed. I just didn’t want to do it anymore! I knew that we had goals and things that I wanted to achieve but I was really enjoying this nice cozy space I was finding myself in and I just didn’t want to change that. I told myself I just didn’t care anymore.

My primitive brain had taken over–it wanted to bask in the pleasure and avoid the pain that came with pushing toward my goals. That’s when I realized, it wasn’t about wanting to go to the gym or not. The question was whether or not I was still committed to my goal.

Did I still want it?

If the answer to that question was yes, then reconnecting with my trainer was the next right step and what I wanted to do was irrelevant. If I was truly committed to the goal, it meant being willing to do things I didn’t want to do. It meant going to the gym even when I didn’t want to because I had committed the goal.

Want had no place in the conversation. It was simply–are you committed or not? And what’s the first test of commitment?

Being willing to do things you don’t want to because they are in furtherance of your goal.

In the end, that is truly what distinguishes those of us that achieve our goals from those that don’t. It’s not about having more time than anyone else, it’s not about having a drive that others don’t have. It’s simply about your willingness to show up even when you don’t want to.

It’s about your commitment to the goal and how you react when your desire to stay in place challenges that commitment.

The reason people don’t achieve their dreams and fulfill all of their goals is simply a matter of commitment. How committed are you to the goal? Committed enough to do it because you said you would even when you don’t want to?

If this resonates with you and you are struggling to take action on your goals, you are not alone. All of us struggle sometimes to take the actions that we know are necessary. Schedule a free consult with me and let’s get you back on track to create the life of your dreams.

I reached out to my trainer and got our sessions back on the calendar. It felt good to show up for myself even when I know that I didn’t want to and even though I was dreading it. It felt good to follow through and to challenge that part of my brain that wanted to stay safe and cozy. I gave my primitive brain the finger and I will continue to move toward my goals and honor the commitment I made to myself.

Today when you find yourself saying I just don’t want to….I just don’t feel like it consider what it would be like to say So freaking what? That doesn’t matter. I’m going to do it anyway.

Photo by Markus Winkler

They want more time or more balance, they want a new career, they want a different relationship with others, etc. but they JUST. DON’T. KNOW. HOW. to get there.

It doesn’t take much coaching for us both to realize that they do, in fact, know how to take action toward those goals but they are simply afraid to act.  They have allowed themselves to replace I know what to do but it doesn’t feel good, with I don’t know how. One is true and one is a lie we tell ourselves; one will keep you moving forward and one will keep you stuck.

There is a difference between not knowing what to do and knowing what to do but being afraid to do it.

What is so interesting about the phrase I don’t know is that every time I push a client to explain to me what they would do if they did know, they ALWAYS come up with a laundry list of solutions. In truth, knowing has always been within them. The issue has never been in the not knowing, the issue rest solely with the discomfort of executing on those solutions. That is where evolution resides.

Have a goal that you want to act on but need support developing a plan and committing? That is where the support of a trusted coach can truly be a game changer. Schedule a consultation now and invest in your ability to make it happen.

At that point of awareness, we have two options:

We accept that we are going to let fear ruin all the fun and that we are choosing not to act despite the fear.

OR

We give fear the middle finger and get to work.

What would your life be like if instead of allowing yourself to say “I don’t know,” and closing a door, we instead acknowledged “I do know what to do but I’m afraid to act?” Would you still allow yourself to stay stuck?

Recognizing when we are afraid to act is the first step to creating the life of your dreams. Allowing yourself to say “I don’t know,” is a choice to remain where you are. It is a choice not to pursue whatever it is you’re wanting in your life. Once we can get past “I don’t know,” and realize that we do, in fact, know what to do next, that is where we make a true choice. That is where we must confront the fear associated with acting and decide whether we are willing to act despite the fear or if we would simply prefer to stay put. There is no right or wrong answer but the beauty in this process is that regardless of what you choose to do, it will be your conscious choice.

You will choose to execute on the first step that you know is available to you or you will choose not to.

And to be clear, it’s not about knowing every step of the process. It’s about knowing the next right step and trusting that once you get there, you will then determine the next next right step. And on and on you will trudge ahead, the path becoming clearer as you go.

In contrast, when we live in “I don’t know,” it relegates our life to some unknown fate; it reeks of victimhood. It relinquishes control for action because it suggests that we simply haven’t been gifted with the knowledge we need to create the life of our dreams. In that space, our life and our dreams are outside of our control and there’s nothing that we can do about it because we have not been gifted with knowing.

It is a fallacy we tell ourselves because it sounds so much prettier than, “I know what to do but I’m afraid to do it.” Being afraid to act is not a bad thing. There is honesty in that. There is no truth when we live in “I don’t know.” Most of us are unwilling to live in a space of “I’m not willing to act because I’m afraid.” Therefore, when we relinquish “I don’t know,” it is often the first step to action because refusal to forge ahead in the face of fear is not something that many of us are willing to accept for our lives.

Today, when you find yourself saying “I don’t know,” as it relates to something you want for your life or in your future, I urge you to challenge yourself to explore what you would do if you did know or how you could find out the next right step. With that information you have a choice to make: whether to act upon that knowing or not. Regardless of which path you take, there is beauty in being honest with yourself. Do you want it enough to act despite the fear or don’t you? Because simply wanting it, without more, is never enough.

It’s not working.

I can’t stop the negative thinking.

This just the way that I am.

This isn’t worth the effort.

When those old negative patterns come back around and take the wind out of our new, intentional thinking, it can be incredibly frustrating. It starts to feel like it is never going to work; we’re never going to “fix” our brains.

Consider what it would be like to commit to writing with your non-dominant hand. There would be time when you would forget about the experiment — you might reach for your pen with your dominant hand, you might even write a few words before realizing your mistake. It would be frustrating. There would be times when it would feel like a fool’s errand and a waste of your energy.

Why not just forget it and go back to the way things were?

When we experience set backs on the path toward our goals, it can be demoralizing. It can feel like it’s never going to work. But, in our example, most of us wouldn’t be surprised when you automatically grabbed your pen with your dominant hand or when you simply forgot you were making efforts to change the practice. We wouldn’t be shocked when our automatic, unconscious impulses kicked in, of course they did!

This is the same thing that happens with our brains and goal-ing. Those old negative thoughts will come back. They will try to rain on your parade. They will creep in when you’re tired and out of gas at the end of a long day.

But what if those “slips” were part of the deal? What if those “mistakes” were there to teach you something?

Transitioning to new, more high vibrational thoughts will include some slippage and likely will never completely eradicate old patterns; however, the back and forth dance is an opportunity to embrace our own imperfections and challenge the concept of perfectionism. It’s an opportunity to recognize that change is never going to come easily and that it will require not only commitment but compassion for yourself and your imperfections. Practicing new beliefs and experiencing those challenges often forces my clients to come face to face with their own perfectionist tendencies. It forces them to accept their slips, have compassion, and keep going. It forces them to see that perfectionism is just a pretty excuse for treating themselves terribly and setting unrealistic expectations.

What if we could translate that practice to all aspects of our lives?

What if we were willing to embark on any task, knowing and even anticipating, that we were going to mess up along the way but committing to do it anyway?

Simple thought work often reveals a microcosm of my client’s relationships with themselves. It sheds light on all our self-deprecating tendencies and requires us to face them head on in order to make progress. Those small steps develop a skill that will last a lifetime and will allow you to do away with perfectionism and embrace your dreams.

Our minds can be adapted and renewed. Developments in neuroscience tell us that the brain is capable of establishing new neural pathways, healing and building new brain cells. To do this, the brain simply requires direction and repetition — it requires a commitment to change and push through the discomfort and the setbacks that will inevitably come.

Are you in?

Photo by Lisa from Pexels

When we find ourselves wanting things to be different, there is only one way to bust out of that plateau and build a life that will blow our own mind: intentional investment of our time, energy, and resources. Because wanting it, is never enough.

I recently invested in a personal trainer for the first time in my life. I’ve always been really fit and active but I finally got to a point where my health and fitness seemed to plateau. My weight wasn’t changing, my body wasn’t looking any differently, I wasn’t excited about working out; I realized that it was time for me to mix it up. I went to the gym anxious about the meeting and not committed to purchasing anything. As someone who’s always been into health and fitness, I figured that they could just give me some pointers and I can figure out the rest from there.

As we made our way through the session, I had a rude awakening. The workout was grueling and painful (and moderately humiliating!!!). At the end of the session, I realized that maybe I didn’t have it all figured out. Maybe it would make sense to bring in some support. So we sat down in the cubicle in the middle of the gym floor and started crunching the numbers. And I was completely floored! It was significantly more expensive than I had expected, and it was significantly more money than I had intended to spend on that particular afternoon. At that moment, I realized I was experiencing the same thing that many of my clients experience:

I wanted to change but I was hesitant to commit to doing the hard work.

My reptile brain was freaking out, objecting to this new possibility….when will I find the time…it’s too expensive…I can do it on my own…I don’t need this….it won’t work…, etc. As my brain spun out of control, I realized in that moment what was happening. I realized that it wasn’t really about the money, it was about my level of commitment to making an actual change…to signing up to do the hard thing…to spending a ton of money on myself in furtherance of a goal. To spending a ton of money knowing that I would HAVE TO show up to justify the expense! I didn’t actually believe that it wouldn’t work. I had clear evidence I wasn’t figuring it out on my own and I knew that I could find the time. None of my brain’s thoughts were the truth.

The REAL truth was that I wanted the transformation but committing to the work was freaking me out.

At that moment, I gave my reptile brain the middle finger and signed up. It was something I wanted and this was the first step to making good on that commitment to myself.

After I left the session several dollars lighter than I began, I realized that this is the challenge that many of my clients go through. No one gets excited about spending tons of money on personal training. People don’t get excited about spending thousands of dollars in therapy sessions. And many of the people I encounter are not excited about spending money on a coaching relationship. Why?

Because we’ve gotten along on our own for so long.

What more could these people possibly offer?

It’s not sexy. It’s not fun. It’s not a new purse that we can show off to our friends. It’s something that will require more of us. It requires us to put our money where our mouth is. To do something more than WANT THE CHANGE. Do we want it badly enough to submit to a process that will demand more of us and that will push us to take a hard look at where we really are? After I left my training session, I realized that just maybe I wasn’t in as good of shape as I thought I was.

Just maybe I had some things that I needed to learn. And just maybe I need a little bit of humility about what I was capable of and how badly I really wanted things to change.

When we choose to make an investment in ourselves or not make an investment in ourselves, it is never really about the money or the time. It’s really about our humility and our willingness to recognize that we can’t do it all alone; that we aren’t getting there on our own.

I like to think about our investment in our professional lives and careers, in the same way, I think about buying a house. In both scenarios, we spend THOUSANDS of dollars on the investment. Both investments will provide for us and our families, will protect us, and give us stability. But the main difference is that when we buy a home, no one ever believes “that will be the last money I spend on that!” We know there will be upkeep and maintenance costs. We will make improvements and changes. When it comes to our homes, it seems we are always spending money to care for them and improve them.

But when it comes to our careers, we are much more reluctant to spend our own money on upkeep and maintenance. It is no wonder that for so many of us, our careers are run down and abandoned houses, left to wear away on their original foundations. Just like a run-down, decrepit house, treating your investment in that manner will never provide any return!

If you want your career and your life to blossom, you have to care for your original investment.

Professional athletes are the best in the world at what they do and they all have coaches. They acknowledge that there is room for growth, there is value in the different perspectives that those coaches offer. In order to create the life of your dreams, you must be open to the possibility that you aren’t seeing everything clearly. That just like me and my personal trainer, maybe you have more room to grow if only you had someone to push you.

I’m here and ready to push you out of your plateau. Are you in?

be.

still.

Once we decided that we wanted to be attorneys, the journey was not that difficult. There’s a list. There are instructions. There is a long checklist of things that must be accomplished and done in order for this dream to take place. Once we get our first job, the instructions become even simpler. Say yes to all the work that comes to you. Do a good job. Don’t make waves. Just keep executing and don’t ask questions. So we spend even more years continuing to live in this fight or flight mode where we just move from one challenge to the next. Inevitably, we come to a crossroads where we catch our breath for a moment and start to wonder

what’s next?

Many attorneys come to me for coaching support because they don’t know what to do next. They are overwhelmed with the possibilities for their life and they want to know how to figure out where to focus their energies now that they have come so far. Having a law degree affords us many opportunities as to what we can do with our life. We can go down the partnership track…. counsel track….teaching at a law school….go in-house….go into business…..start our own firm…. When we start looking at all the options available to us it can easily become overwhelming.

But when we find ourselves stressing about where are we “supposed to” go next, the more important question we can be asking ourselves is

Is there anything wrong with just being where we are without having a plan for what’s next?

I recently found myself in a coaching session with a woman who was overwhelmed with the possibilities for her life and the decisions that needed to be made at some point in the future. In the future. Not now. There was nothing pressing. Despite this fact, she was incredibly overwhelmed and uncomfortable with not knowing what her long-term plan looked like. After exploring various possibilities and trying to get a sense of what resonated most closely with her, I finally asked her what if nothing is wrong here?

At that moment everything seemed to click for her and she realized that this need to have a plan and this desire to know the end result was creating a tremendous amount of discomfort for her. She had spent her entire life and her entire career living in fight or flight mode getting things done and now that she had found some space to breathe, she was uncomfortable just being where she was. No pressing decisions. Nothing urgent that needed to be done. Just a regular job. No family matters to attend to. No drama. No chaos. The calm following the storm of chaos that had comprised the early years of her career was causing her a tremendous amount of anxiety. She was uncomfortable just being in this space and not having a plan. In that quiet space, her brain wasn’t accustomed to being still, instead, it kept telling her that something wasn’t right, it needed a plan…she should be doing something more.

All those shoulds are indicative of how we value ourselves. Those shoulds come from our historical patterns where achievements and checking things off the list meant that we were doing well. It meant that we were good enough and that we were successful.

But when the list runs out and the goals have been achieved, we are left in this open space where we have to reexamine our worthiness.

In that space and on those plateaus where our brain starts telling us all the things we should be doing, it reveals a need for us to reexamine our worthiness and where we place our value. It is not a time to create a new goal and a new plan and something else to strive for. There will come a day where you will run out of plans you will run out of checklists and you will only be left with yourself. Those plateaus and spaces between the items on our checklists afford us the opportunity to work on that relationship because ultimately, that is truly the only relationship that matters. Those spaces force us to stop running and take a look in the mirror and that can be terrifying.

(Sound familiar? Grab a free session now and get support during your times of plateau.)

When our brains are used to living in panicked, fight or flight mode, it can be difficult to understand WHO we are if we are not busy accomplishing. It can be difficult to recognize our value if we aren’t busy checking things off a list. What’s more, for many of us it’s been so long since we’ve had the opportunity to explore that aloneness. To really consider our relationship with ourselves. We have lost sight of that relationship and so when we have reached this summit and find ourselves alone with no one other than ourselves, we panic. We feel like we have to develop some other goal and something else to strive for so that we don’t have to sit here in this stillness and take a long hard look at who we really are when we’re not focused outwardly. It’s easier to have something to be striving toward; it’s harder to do the work on yourself. It’s harder to challenge that voice that’s telling you that you should be doing more you and that you should be wanting more.

That’s the beauty of coming to these plateaus.

That’s the beauty of the stillness.

It reminds us that we’re not a long list of things to do. We are not achievements and we are not defined by our long-term plans. Where are so much more than that and once our current plan reaches that plateau rather than jumping into a new plan I urge you…no, I implore you to take that time to be with yourself and learn how to be still. At the end of the day when the race is over the only person standing next to you will be yourself. Those plateaus afford us the opportunity to rekindle that relationship and learn how to see our innate worthiness, without all the fluff.

Sometimes it’s okay to just be where you are.

If you find yourself uncomfortable taking an hour to relax on the couch or uneasy that you don’t know whether or not you want to make a partner it’s an opportunity to ask yourself

What is wrong with just being where I’m at? What is it about this place that makes me so uncomfortable? What judgments am I lobbying at myself when I am not frantically achieving and checking things off my list?

That my friends is truly where the work begins.