This month we are talking about life alignment and specifically evaluating whether or not our lives and our careers reflect our deepest intentions and align with the people that we want to be at our core.

But how do you know if you’re on the right path or if some adjustments need to be made?

There is something about that exploration that is so primal and so awesome that our immediate response is often to ignore the very weight of it. That’s when you know you’re asking the right questions and it’s time to look deeper.

With so many options and societal pressures, it’s easy to get lost or end up pursuing a path that doesn’t truly resonate with you. But what if you could tap into your inner guidance to uncover a career that aligns with who you truly are? Here’s a guide to help you discover what you really want to do with your career, using one simple tool in the process.

New me, who dis?

Before you can figure out what you truly want to do, you need to understand who you are. This involves digging deep into your passions, values, strengths, and interests. Consider the following questions as a starting point:

• What activities make you lose track of time or put you into a “flow” state?
• What topics could you talk about for hours without getting bored?
• What do people often come to you for advice about?

Reflecting on these questions helps you tap into your innate interests and strengths, which are essential clues to your ideal career.

Document your journey!

When my first marriage started to slowly crumble around me and I was tap dancing on the edge of a dark depression, journaling was one of the tools that helped me get my head back on straight and see true north again. Journaling is one of the most powerful tools for self-discovery because it allows you to explore your thoughts and feelings in a non-judgmental space, uncovering insights that might otherwise remain hidden.

By regularly journaling, we become more in tune with our intuition and inner voice. Writing allows us to access insights and guidance that might otherwise remain buried in our subconscious. It’s a way of listening to ourselves and discovering truths that can guide our decisions and actions.

Try out the questions above or these journaling prompts to get started:

• What does my ideal day look like?
  Write in detail about your ideal workday. Where are you working? What tasks are you performing? How do you feel throughout the day? This exercise can reveal aspects of your ideal career environment and tasks that bring you joy.

• What did I love doing as a child?
  Children naturally gravitate toward activities that excite them. Reconnecting with these early passions can guide you toward a career that feels authentic and fulfilling. (Psst, did you hear my revelation on the podcast about my childhood forays with telekinesis?! I was (am?) a weird kid, simple as that.)

What do I really care about?

Your core values are the guiding principles that shape your decisions and behavior. When your career aligns with your values, you’re more likely to feel satisfied and motivated. Spend time journaling about what truly matters to you. Is it creativity, helping others, financial security, freedom, or something else? Use a journal to identify your top five core values. Once you’ve identified them, reflect on how these values can be integrated into your career. For instance, if “helping others” is a top value, you might thrive in a career centered on service or support.

Be open and flexible

So often we get caught up in the “hows” of life. We want to know exactly what our path forward will look like before we decide whether we want to embark on it. But that’s just not how life works! Often times, the only way to discover your true career path is through continued faith and experimentation. The beauty of this approach is that you don’t have to flip a switch and become a new person overnight. Instead, you can take on small projects, freelance work, or volunteer opportunities in the areas that interest you and see where those take you. This hands-on experience can provide clarity about what you enjoy and where your strengths lie. You might even use your newfound journaling skills to unpack the experiments and see what you liked or didn’t like about it…

Use your resources!

Talking to others who are already in fields you’re interested in can provide valuable insights. Reach out to professionals for informational interviews, join relevant networking groups, or find a mentor who can guide you through the process. Sometimes, an external perspective can illuminate aspects of yourself or your career path that you hadn’t considered. (It’s me, I’m a resource!)

Take a good look at it.

Visualization is a powerful technique to connect with your future self and your desired career. Spend time imagining your life five or ten years from now. Picture your career, your lifestyle, and how you feel in this future scenario. In your journal, write a detailed description of your future self, including your career, accomplishments, and daily life. This exercise helps you clarify your goals and align your actions with your desired future. Don’t skip this step! You don’t need to know your exact path forward but you do need to have a sense of the direction you want to be heading and visualization will help you clarify that direction.

Trust the Process

Figuring out what you truly want to do with your career is a journey, not a destination. It’s okay to change directions, make mistakes, and take time to explore. Trust that each step you take is bringing you closer to a career that resonates with your true self. With your ideal future in mind, ask yourself what simple steps you could take today to move toward that idea. Progress is made through consistent, intentional steps.

Conclusion

Finding your true career path is a deeply personal journey that requires introspection, exploration, and patience. By embracing self-discovery and using journaling as a tool, you can uncover a career that not only fulfills you but also aligns with your authentic self. Remember, the answers are within you; it’s just a matter of giving yourself the time and space to discover them.

When I was reeling from the impact of my divorce and trying to navigate the trauma following a decade of abuse, I went home to visit my parents. I noticed that my mom had picked up a new piece of art — some Banksy knockoff that included a quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald. She never said anything to me about the art or its meaning but I always felt like it was directed at me–I was, after all, the only child that was presently burning down her entire life only to begin anew, despite the very responsible lives my brothers were leading. I always felt like it was her silent confirmation that I was doing the right thing and that I had made the right choice. It made me feel seen. It made me feel brave. To this day, I love this quote so much and offer it to you all here in hopes that it will similarly inspire you as well.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”

― Francis Scott Fitzgerald

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok

It’s not uncommon for attorneys to question their sanity in the face of a dysfunctional work environment which is all too common in the legal industry. Today we are digging into endemic toxicity in the legal industry to help you better understand whether your workplace is a danger to your mental health and long term well-being and what to do about it.

As you may know, in the Collective we have spent the entire month of March exploring the ins and outs of relationships. This month we are exploring a related topic: how to transform relationships and start advocating for ourselves. This month’s newsletter and podcast episodes are packed with actionable steps to help you start taking action to transform toxic workplaces and relationships and start using your voice more effectively.

It may come as no surprise to many of you that a 2022 study in the MIT Sloan Management Review cited toxic work cultures as the top driver of employee attrition. The study concluded that toxic work cultures drove employees out the exit door faster than job insecurity or lack of recognition for performance. The report noted that the leading contributors to toxic work cultures include: failure to promote diversity, equity, and inclusion; workers feeling disrespected; and unethical behavior.

This study sheds light on several red flags that should not be ignored and may very well indicate a toxic work environment which could wreak havoc on your well-being and productivity. Below are a few of the common toxic characteristics identified by studies and ones that I see most often in my own experience working with hundreds of women lawyers:

Common Red Flags in the Legal Industry:

High Turnover Rates: A consistently high turnover rate can indicate that employees are not satisfied or are experiencing difficulties in the workplace. Not only does high turnover rate indicate significant workplace challenges, it also suggests higher pressure and workloads on those continually left behind due to ongoing attrition issues.  For those of you entering the job market or looking to make a move, asking about turnover rates can be critical in avoiding this sign of a toxic workplace. 

Poor Communication: Lack of open, honest, and transparent communication between management and employees, or among team members, can create confusion, misunderstandings, and resentment. IMHO This one is all too common in the legal industry. Productive feedback is rarely provided and passive aggression is generally the preferred approach. This toxic characteristic not only makes it difficult for you to hone your skills and understand your strengths but ultimately is detrimental to your clients.

Micromanagement: Excessive control or micromanagement by supervisors can stifle creativity, demotivate employees, and create a sense of distrust. Micromanagement in the legal industry makes it difficult to complete work efficiently and effectively but also prevents attorneys from developing their own approach and style within their practice. Over time, this leads to senior attorneys who are insecure in their abilities to operate independently.

Lack of Work-Life Balance: Expectations of long working hours, constant availability, or pressure to sacrifice personal time can lead to burnout and decreased job satisfaction. This one needs little explanation. If you look around at your coworkers and do not see a single person whose life you would like to emulate, there is a good likelihood that the organization has a low tolerance for healthy work-life balance.

Unclear Expectations: When employees are unsure about their roles, responsibilities, or performance expectations, it can lead to stress, frustration, and feelings of incompetence. This issue becomes particularly prevalent as attorneys advance in their career. As you become more senior and approach partnership, your responsibilities should similarly evolve and there should be a clear understanding of what is required to advance to partnership. Where those requirements are undisclosed or amorphous, the situation is ripe for further discussion and clarification or a speedy exit.

Resistance to Change: An organization that is resistant to change or innovation may become stagnant, hindering growth opportunities for employees and the company as a whole. This has become more and more common in the legal industry. In my experience, today’s generation of attorneys are unwilling to accept “this is just how we’ve always done things” or to tolerate firms that are unwilling to concede any need for growth or evolution. I have witnessed countless attorneys leave firms due to stagnant hiring practices, lack of DEI investment, archaic return to office policies, and inflexible (or nonexistent) family leave protocols. If you see an organization seemingly stuck in the dark ages my recommendation is to have frank conversations as early as possible to best understand the organization’s willingness to evolve.

Lack of Support for Growth and Development: When opportunities for learning, training, and career advancement are scarce, employees may feel stuck and unfulfilled in their roles. This toxic trait exists at all levels of the legal industry from baby lawyers looking to develop fresh new skills to young partners wanting to understand business development and management. If your workplace is not willing to provide that level of support and mentorship I strongly encourage you to explore alternative avenues for support.

While the foregoing are just a handful of the toxic characteristics identified in recent studies and that I have witnessed in the legal industry, there are countless others that is simple Google search can highlight.

Identifying these red flags as early as possible and taking steps to address them is crucial for fostering a healthy and productive work environment. If you find yourself disconnected from your workplace struggling to access motivation and disengaged from your work, you may be suffering the side effects brought on by a toxic workplace. Overcoming a toxic workplace can be challenging, but it’s essential for your well-being and professional growth.

 What to do in the face of toxic workplaces

• Identify the toxic behaviors: Be aware of your organizations toxic traits.
• Maintain professionalism: While it’s important to address toxic behavior, it’s equally crucial to remain professional. Avoid engaging in negative behavior yourself and focus on your work.
• Seek support: Talk to a coach, trusted colleagues, or friends outside of work about your experiences. Sometimes, simply sharing your feelings can provide relief.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between your work life and personal life. Don’t let toxic behavior consume you outside of work hours.
• Document incidents: Keep a record of any incidents of toxic behavior, including dates, times, and details of what occurred. This documentation can be helpful if you decide to escalate the issue.
• Address the issue directly: If you feel comfortable, consider addressing the toxic behavior directly with the individual(s) involved. Check out the podcast this month to learn how to have difficult conversations and negotiate on your behalf.
• Talk to HR or management: If the toxic behavior persists or escalates, consider discussing the issue with HR or management. Present your documentation and express your concerns about the impact of the toxicity on your well-being and productivity.
• Seek alternatives: If the toxic environment persists despite your efforts, start exploring other job opportunities. Your mental and emotional health should not be compromised for the sake of a job.
• Focus on self-care: Engage in activities outside of work that help you relax and recharge. This could include exercise, hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or seeking therapy.
• Know when to walk away: Sometimes, despite your best efforts, a toxic workplace may not change. In such cases, it’s important to prioritize your well-being and consider leaving for a healthier work environment.

Want more on these topics? Check out this month’s newsletter and related Lawyer Life Podcast episodes where we dig into to how to transform relationships and how to have difficult conversations!

“Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure.”

I rarely encounter a client that isn’t struggling in some manner to connect with her purpose. After so many years of working toward this goal of becoming a lawyer, that life isn’t often everything that we thought it would be. We are left looking for something more.

So how do we find our purpose?

We have to start by looking at where you are now and asking how we got here. What did you think might be your purpose? Did you achieve that thing only to find that it didn’t fulfill you?  What was it that you were seeking to achieve that did not fulfill your purpose? And, most importantly, why did you want to achieve that one thing?

Because I work with attorneys, most of my clients posit that they wanted to go to law school, graduate, and get a good job at a prestigious firm. Why? Because they wanted to make good money, they wanted to be respected, they wanted a life better than their parents had, they wanted to be seen as successful, they wanted their parents to be proud, they wanted to prove themselves to those who had doubted them, they didn’t want to be a failure, etc.

When we look even one layer deeper and explore why all the above reasons are so persuasive, we are left with the core of the issue: I want to feel important, I want to feel valued, I want to be proud of myself, I want to feel like a success.

Therein lies the problem.

All of these motivations are rooted in a belief that we are not yet enough — we are not important, we are not valued, we are not someone to be proud of, we are not successful. What’s more, we are looking for something outside of ourselves to make us important, valued, proud, successful. This is a recipe for a never-ending cycle of letdowns.

You cannot achieve the life of your dreams from a place of lack and self-judgment. That energy is never going to serve you and those negative beliefs about yourself are only going to generate more self doubt.

Why are you believing that without more you aren’t good enough and that you must find that missing piece to become whole and worthy?

I believe that all humans are worthy and whole, just as they are. You, dear reader, are worthy and valued just as you are. You are something to be proud of; nothing more is needed.

I know, most of us don’t believe that, I get it.

But what if it were true?

What if you didn’t need to do anything to become whole and complete? What if you already were all of those things? Then what would you do with your life?

Stated another way, if you were already important, valued, proud and successful, what would motivate you? What would you want to do with your life?

You can learn to believe and trust that you are good enough and worthy just as you are. Most of us aren’t there yet and that is okay. We aren’t taught this kind of self love but it can be learned.

Why is this so important? Because if you can truly take ownership of your worthiness, what you choose to do with your life becomes so much less important. There isn’t some monumental purpose to be found. There is just you, perfect and whole, and the things that bring you joy.

When you remove all that pressure from the things you do, you are free to choose whatever you want to be your purpose. You can simply decide what you want to be your purpose today. It’s not a monumental decision because it doesn’t add any intrinsic value to who you already are.

You can simply choose the type of contribution you want to make to the world. Tomorrow, next week, next year, you can choose something different. It doesn’t mean anything about you — you are simply a complete and lovable human, making decisions about how you want to spend your time and what’s important to you in that moment. Nothing more.

Many of us go on a journey seeking our purpose believing that our purpose resides outside of ourselves.

That we must accomplish something or that we must actively be seeking our purpose — it’s waiting out there for us and we just have to find it and everything will click. That breeds such a tremendous amount of pressure — if you find your purpose, you are  a successful contributor to the human race and if you don’t…well, you are just wasting your time here.

When we choose to believe that we are whole and complete and that nothing outside of ourselves can make us more complete, we can decide to make our purpose whatever we want it to be.

Take a look at the things that bring you joy; the things you are good at. What is the underlying theme? How could you tie them all together?

Here are a few examples from my clients of their purposes in life:

I choose to be an example of what’s possible.

I choose to use my writing to inspire women.

I choose to be an effective and inspirational leader.

I choose to help women reconnect with their value and their worth.

Fulfilling any of the above purposes could take a myriad of different forms. Living in accordance with these purposes does not require you to change your job or career plan. It simply asks you to show up in the certain way and dedicate your energy toward that purpose.

Stop pressuring yourself to find some ever elusive purpose. Start looking inward to see why your pursuit of a purpose has failed you in the past — What were you seeking outside of yourself? Why did you want that? What did you discover when you got there?

Make a commitment to believe that you are already enough. You are complete, perfect, loveable, whole. If you could believe that and embody that, what would you do with your life? That, my friends, is the first step in fulfilling your purpose. It’s right there within your complete power and control.

Start living a purposeful life today.

If you are struggling to find more fulfillment in your life, take advantage of a free session to regroup and start taking meaningful action.

Photo by Tyler Lastovich from Pexels

We have been taught from a young age that our purpose is the same as our job. What’s the most common thing people ask children?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

As if these kids are supposed to have any idea. What’s more, there is a tremendous amount of pressure and judgment that accompanies that question. If the child says “I want to be a lawyer,” people automatically think wow, the parents must be doing something right, good for them. If the child says, “I want to be a trash collector,” the parents cringe and the audience tries to keep their faces neutral while they smugly think good luck with that one, big dreams there, kiddo, my kid wants to be a doctor, etc. So convoluted.

Your purpose often times has nothing to do with your day-to-day job.

Your purpose should be what gets you out of bed everyday. Your job should be what pay the bills so that you can have time to enjoy your purpose. Sometimes those two things merge but only when they merge organically: when the purpose is pursued with honesty and love. Trying to force your purpose to pay the bills is a good way to ruin that joy your purpose used to give you. Enjoy those things that light you up and see where the path takes you. Don’t contaminate it by trying to make it something it doesn’t have to be (e.g., a formal profession).

This then begs the question, how do you find that purpose? Your purpose is what makes you tick. What makes your heart sing. That is not something anyone else can find for you — hence, the mirror.

When my clients are unsure about their purpose, I offer them an experiment. Years ago, I was struggling with life inside the machine that is a corporate law firm and I just couldn’t put my finger on the problem. I didn’t hate my job but I didn’t love my job. I was feeling blah about the whole thing and I couldn’t figure out why. I was completely unmotivated, just going through the motions.

So, for one month, at the end of every day, I would spend 5 minutes thinking about my day and writing down the things that made me happy that day and the things that got my blood boiling. After doing this for one month, I realized that the things I loved the most about my days were the moments that I was able to spend connecting with the young associates — talking to them about their challenges, their goals, their development. I relished the opportunity to have meaningful conversations with them, to learn about them and their struggles, to offer them support and gentle guidance. That lead to a larger evaluation of myself. I realized that this fit into my disdain for small talk. I hate it and I’m terrible at it. The way I see it, is that if we aren’t going to talk about something deep and meaningful, I would rather not talk at all. Let’s not chit chat about work and the weather. Let’s talk about what moves you, what excites you. So naturally, I love those people who overshare within the first 5 seconds of a conversation. Those people who put it all out there right away for public examination, the good, the bad, the ugly, the inappropriate. I LOVE skipping right over the pleasantries and diving right into real life and getting our hands dirty. I LOVE having deep and meaningful conversations with perfect strangers about their struggles and challenges.

You can see how this realization lead me to where I am today. That woke me up. I realized that those true connections and partnerships were the only part of my job that I was truly loving. So, I switched jobs to enjoy a steadier and less all-consuming career so that I could make space for my purpose. This purpose. I realized what moved me and I made room for it. I have never looked back.

So here’s your challenge . . . For one month, spend 5 minutes every day thinking about what you liked about your day. Were there parts of your day where you felt alive? Where you were excited about something? What parts of your day sapped your energy and left you feeling drained?

Only you can find that for yourself but you won’t find it outside of yourself. Do the work. Spend time within yourself. You will be amazed at what you discover.

Need help finding your path and taking that next step? Sign up for a free coaching session with me and let’s see what we can do together.