Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

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Photo by Andrea Piacquadio

I recently worked with a client who was hesitant to promote her new practice group. She had a marketing plan but wasn’t executing. She had marketing materials but she wasn’t distributing them. Why?

During our session, we discovered that she was afraid that people who received her marketing materials would judge her. That they wouldn’t like her. That they would think she wasn’t qualified.

We’ve all been there. That junior high fear of not being liked. We never seem to shake it!

The opposite side of that coin is the closely held belief that it’s important for other people to like you. It’s important not to be judged by others.

That belief keeps so many of us like my client paralyzed.

It is not possible to go through this life and have every human you encounter like you. Test this theory. Think of someone you think is unimpeachable. Run some Google searches to seek out their critics. You will be amazed. (I conducted this experiment with Mother Teresa. Yep, she had her haters too.)

You will always have people in your life who are going to judge you.

Get over it.

Move on.

When you cling to the belief that it’s important for other people to enjoy your lovely persona and appreciate everything you have to offer, you are setting yourself up for failure.

Every single person in your life is going to have a different notion of how you are supposed to act, what you are supposed to say,  and how you are supposed to spend your time. Those expectations will conflict. There is no way to meet everyone’s expectations of you.

Pleasing everyone is an impossibility; yet we secretly hope that everyone will like us.

The real question is my favorite: SO WHAT? So what if people don’t like you?

The “so what” in this story is really what is at the heart of this matter. When you ask yourself these questions, what you will likely discover is that it’s related to some thought about your worthiness.

We believe that if people don’t like you or if people judge you, it must be because something is wrong with you. It’s confirmation that you are doing it wrong.

There is part of you that wants to agree with them — they are right in their judgment and you are a failure.

When you place your worthiness in the hands of other people and the whims of their likes and dislikes, you are signing up for a course in misery. Why would you give those people all the power? I’m sure there are people in your life that you don’t really like and you don’t really trust but you are allowing their sentiment about you to dictate whether you believe there is something wrong with you.

Do you really want to give them all that power?

Or anyone for that matter?!

Besides, what does it even mean that “there’s something wrong” with you?

Who decides?

How do we know?

Who decides what is “right” about you?

You are subscribing to some undefinable standard and allowing other humans to decide whether you are worthy.

Those thoughts are not serving you. They keep you playing small.

When you transition your perspective to a belief that the only person who decides your worthiness is you, it becomes so much easier to start taking action.

Rip the worthiness metric out of the hands of your haters.

You are enough. Just as you are. How someone else perceives you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

You can’t control the humans; you have to stop living your life in a manner where you are trying to manipulate their thoughts about you.

You will not be everyone’s cup of tea. And. That. Is. Okay. That is how it works. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.

In this life, people will judge you and criticize you. You always have a choice as to what you make that mean about yourself and your values. Stop making their words mean something negative about your abilities or value. That approach is never going to serve you or your career.

Your beliefs about yourself will either help you build the career of your dreams or they will help you crash and burn.

The choice is yours.

As part of my 6-week programs, I dedicate time specifically to the beliefs we carry about ourselves and how they impact our actions. Curious? Sign up for a free coaching consultation now before they are gone.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash