So how are people responding?

Angry FB posts, ranting all over social media, caustic reviews of their neighbors and friends.

People are pissed.

Pissed at each other, pissed at their government, their employer, their children, the grocery store, the gym…

They are angry at how people are responding the pandemic. People seem convinced that they know how others should be acting during this time. How the government should be responding. How employers should be reacting, etc. When people/governments/employers don’t follow their expectations, they are losing their FREAKING MINDS.

Many people don’t see it this way. They truly believe that they know the best response. That they know how people “should” be acting and anyone who deviates from that is acting like an “idiot.”

People are feeling indignant and self righteous about their approach to this crisis. They have it right and anyone who acts differently is just a bunch of idiots.

The reality is that humans get to act any way that they want.

We have to share this planet with all the humans and they get to do what they want. Spending energy trying to control them is futile.

No one likes to be controlled or told how to live their life. YOU, dear reader, do not like to be controlled or told how to live. What makes you think you get to tell others how to live? What makes you think that they should listen to you?

Free will is a beautiful thing.

As humans, we don’t get to enjoy free will but then criticize others for using their free will in a way that we don’t understand or agree with. That is the whole point. They get to do what they want. Period. That includes how they want to act during a time of crisis.

Besides, what’s the upside? How is that FB rant panning out for you? How do you feel about that scathing post you just dropped into the blog-o-sphere? Is that bringing you happiness?

I’m not telling you not to send that nasty post or message but what I want you to consider is — Why are you doing it? What’s it getting you? What’s it costing you? Could you use that energy in a more productive manner?

At the end of the day, we cannot control the humans. The only thing you can control is how you choose to think about this crisis and how you want to respond.

We don’t know what is going to happen.

You don’t know for certain that your approach is the “right” or “best” approach.  There is no way that any of us can know with absolute certainty what is going to happen. We have to stop acting like we DO know. We DON’T know and that’s okay.

Decide how you want to think and how you want to respond and let everyone else make their own decision.

You can spend this crisis being indignant and angry and lashing out or you can use this crisis to show up as your best self. How are you going to want to look back on this time? How do you really want to spend your energy? The choice is, after all, yours and yours alone.

Need help coping or dealing with this new normal? I get it. Now, more than ever, my clients are looking for support. They want to know how to keep moving forward despite the fears and anxiety. If you need help to manage your stress and buoy yourself during the chaos, schedule a free consultation today.

Last month, most of our children were in school. We were at work…in an office…wearing grown-up clothes…with other humans. We didn’t second-guess our toilet paper usage. We planned vacations. We didn’t obsessively track the stock market.

Life has dramatically changed for all of us.

People are scared and feeling lost.

Binging on Netflix

Drinking too much wine

Avoiding work

Ignoring your diet

Skipping workouts

Eating all the ice cream in the house

Any of these sound familiar?

We are struggling. We are gaining weight, we are ignoring our best laid plans, we are skipping workouts, overeating, overdrinking and feeling blah.

Lately, my clients have been coming to me and they want help to stop these behaviors. They want to work on getting focused and motivated. They are pissed at themselves for “falling apart…falling off the wagon…letting themselves go” they are irritated that they aren’t sticking to their plans, that they are unwinding everything they had been working for, why can’t they get it together, GDI!?

As a coach, my job is not to help you learn how to control yourself. My job is to help you understand yourself.

When you are busy beating yourself up and trying to force yourself or guilt yourself to change or stop eating all the things, you are ignoring the dis-ease. You are focusing on the symptom.

In order to truly stop these behaviors, you have to stop berating yourself and look at what is really going on!

Are you avoiding work because you are afraid you are going to lose your job so your work today won’t matter?

Are you drinking that bottle of wine because it feels good and you’re scared about what will happen to your aging parents?

Maybe you are skipping your workouts because you just don’t care how you will look in a bathing suit during quarantine? It’s not like you will be going on vacation anytime soon!!

Are you binging on Netflix because it allows you to escape the news and ignore what’s going on outside?

Would you yell at your best friend for diving into a box of Oreos after a horrible breakup? Of course not! You would empathize with her. You would love her. You would understand why she was feeling terrible. You would be compassionate about her efforts to self-soothe. The last thing you would do is tell her she needs to stop it immediately and explain to her how she was ruining her diet and needs to get it together.

Extend that same compassion to yourself.

Life is getting real right now and it’s kinda scary.

Instead of getting angry at yourself because you are not acting like you are “supposed to”, explore what is really going on. What are you thinking when you turn off the work computer and zone out on Netflix? What is going through your head when you decide to bake that cake?–for yourself, of course.

We are all experiencing some pretty ugly thoughts these days.

What if my parents get sick and I can’t be there with them?

What if we have to quarantine for several more months?

What if we run out of diapers?

What if I get sick?

What if I die?

What if I lose my job?

You have every right to be afraid and upset and worried. Stop beating yourself up for trying to feel better. Stop being such a harsh critic.

It’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to worry about what our future holds. It’s okay that you are grasping at straws to self-soothe. That is human nature.

Life is meant to be 50/50. We are living in the 50% that sucks. Pure and simple. Stop trying to talk yourself out of feeling those rotten feelings. You are a human. That is part of the deal.

Recognize that you are struggling and have some compassion for yourself.

Once you can see how your actions are merely attempts to make yourself feel better and to buffer the discomfort, you can start considering how to shift out of those thoughts and create a new result for yourself.

You can start recognizing when you are feeling freaked out and seeing how your biological reaction is to seek pleasure and soothe yourself. Once you see that, you can start looking for other outlets for those emotions. You can’t do that when you are busy telling yourself you are a terrible person for eating all the Doritos!

The bottom line is that beating yourself up for acting out during times of grief and panic is counter-productive. Have some compassion for yourself. Just as you would do with your friend: let yourself have a good cry, a good ice cream binge, a night on the couch. Recognize the feelings driving those actions, then gently work with yourself to find a healthier outlet for those emotions.

The goal is not to find a solution to erase those feelings. The goal is to recognize that those feelings are PART OF LIFE. They are okay. And it is okay to experience them. They won’t kill you.

You can keep moving forward while feeling all the feels. That is how life works.

See the emotions fueling your destructive behaviors. Acknowledge them. Experience them. Learn to make better choices, despite the feels. Carry those worries with you but keep. moving. forward. consciously.

Now more than ever, people need support. If you need additional support, schedule a free session, I would love to help you move through this chaos.