Be nice to yourself, mmmkay? When facing failure, it’s easy to be overly critical of ourselves. However, practicing self-compassion is essential for maintaining motivation. If we ever want to get back on the horse, we have to start being nicer to ourselves. As you know, failures and setbacks are a necessary part of life and are essential to building confidence and resilience. So instead of berating yourself for mistakes or setbacks, acknowledge your feelings with kindness and understanding. Recognize that everyone around you has experienced failure at some point, and it doesn’t define your worth or capabilities. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a friend facing a similar situation.

Check out the facts. In moments of self-doubt, it can be helpful to reflect on past successes. Remind yourself of challenges you’ve overcome and goals you’ve achieved in the past. Your negativity bias is going to overlook all of that data in the face of failure but we can’t let that be the whole story! Reflecting on these accomplishments can reignite your confidence and remind you of your resilience. Use these past successes as evidence of your ability to overcome obstacles and persevere in the face of adversity.

Let in support. Don’t hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or mentors for support during challenging times. Talking to someone you trust can provide a fresh perspective, valuable advice, or simply a listening ear. They might even share some of their own past failures with you to help you maintain perspective. Surround yourself with positive and supportive individuals (pick me!) who believe in your abilities and encourage you to keep going. Seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness and allowing that kind of authenticity into your relationships will only make them stronger.

See every setback as simply a break. Instead of viewing failure as a final outcome, reframe it as a learning opportunity where you can take stock and chart a more informed course forward. Every setback invariably contains valuable lessons that can help you better tackle the path ahead. An honest post-mortem will allow you to reflect on what went wrong and identify areas for improvement. Use this newfound knowledge to adjust your approach and try again with renewed determination. Embracing failure as a natural part of the learning process can shift your perspective and motivate you to keep pushing forward. It’s not the end, it’s just a pause where you can take stock before started again, better informed.

Be present! When feeling overwhelmed by past failures or anxious about future outcomes, focus on the present moment. Practice mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga to center yourself and quiet your mind. By bringing your attention to the here and now, you can cultivate a sense of calm and clarity. Being present will stop the catastrophizing and help you connect to the here and now through a different lens. This can help you break free from negative thought patterns and regain the motivation to take action in the present moment.

Remember your why. Understanding your underlying motivations is key to sustaining long-term action. Whatever your “failure” or misstep relates to, ask yourself why it’s important to you. What do you hope to achieve? How will achieving these goals improve your life or the lives of others? Connecting deeply with your underlying values and aspirations can fuel your drive and keep you focused during challenging times and setbacks.

Practice gratitude. Your mindset plays a crucial role in shaping your motivation levels. Cultivate a positive and optimistic outlook by focusing on what you can control rather than dwelling on setbacks or obstacles. Practice gratitude for the progress you’ve made and maintain a belief in your ability to overcome challenges. Surround yourself with positive influences, whether it’s supportive friends, inspirational books, or motivational quotes.

Keep going, incrementally. Large, intimidating goals can often lead to feelings of overwhelm that result in procrastination. Break down your goals into smaller, more manageable steps, and focus on taking consistent action each day. Celebrate your progress along the way, no matter how small, and use each small victory as momentum to propel you forward. By focusing on incremental progress, you’ll build confidence and momentum over time.

Focus on the future. Visualization is a powerful technique used by athletes, performers, and successful individuals across various fields. Take time each day to visualize yourself achieving your goals with vivid detail. Imagine how it feels, what it looks like, and the steps you took to get there. Visualizing success primes your mind for achievement and reinforces your motivation and commitment to your goals.

Feeling like a failure and frustrated is a common experience that everyone faces at some point in life. However, it’s important to remember that setbacks are not permanent roadblocks but rather opportunities for growth and learning. By practicing self-compassion, reflecting on past successes, breaking tasks into manageable steps, seeking support from others, embracing failure as a learning opportunity, and focusing on the present moment, you can reignite your motivation and continue moving forward on your journey toward success. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure altogether but rather how you respond to it that ultimately determines your success. Need some support to regroup and chart a path forward? I got you. Let’s chat and see how we can get you re-motivated to begin again!

Find more on this topic in our latest newsletter available here or sign up to get future newsletters right to your in-box.

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Sometimes it comes at the end of a killer workday but sometimes it’s after a relatively blah day. Like this exhaustion is just there hovering around you like a dark fog and despite getting enough sleep and not being overly stressed, you can’t seem to shake it?!

The cause behind that exhaustion may surprise you.

But first, a science lesson from our friend Albert Einstein. According to the Law of Conservation of Energy, which is the basic law of thermodynamics, energy cannot be created or destroyed.

Second, an observation. For better or worse, during our legal careers, we will have abundant opportunities to lose our shit. Every day, we encounter humans and circumstances that will test our resolve, our patience, and our ability to keep it all together. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Self-Doubt. Guilt. They are all a natural part of our daily lives, along with all their ugly relatives and friends.

All of those emotions are energy. The Latin derivative for the word emotion, ‘emotere’, literally means energy in motion.

But how many times a day do we feel that rise of white-hot rage energy in our chests and stifle it? How many times a week do we get so frustrated we could burst into tears BUT WE DON’T?

Every time we do that we are holding that energy inside our bodies. In all of those instances, we are bottling up the energy that is trying to move through us. It’s like continually adding boiling water (high energy emotions) to an already screaming tea kettle (our body). We just keep adding more and more energy (emotions) to the tea kettle (our body) and fighting to keep them all contained, despite the kettle screaming to be loosed.

When we block the energy from moving through our body, we end up storing emotions in our cells and the power of those emotions is held there, boiling below the surface. Remember that energy can’t be destroyed per Mr. Einstein so now we just captured it and we’re fighting to contain it.

In other words, when we ignore those emotions that present themselves during the day, that energy remains in our bodies, fighting to get out. So we, in turn, express more energy to keep that energy hidden; to keep those emotions from leaking out.

We end up living our lives with an energetic timebomb just waiting to detonate and fighting to keep it under wraps.

Understanding that emotions are energy implies that they are fluid, moving resources meant to be felt and released vs. suppressed and ignored. The latter is the true culprit of burnout and exhaustion.

If you feel physically and emotionally exhausted at the end of every day and you aren’t sure why, it is likely that you are carrying around a lot of pend up energy that needs to be released.

How do we do this? A few ideas:

• Journal about it. Engage in a free write and let it all out. Let the tears come out as you write if that feels natural. Just engage with those feelings and write down all the thoughts that come with them. It’s like a mental and emotional exorcism — just get it out!

• Connect with the emotion. Where do you feel it in your body? What color is it? Does it have a name? What does it feel like when you touch it? What does it feel like when you let it move through you?

• Meditate. Meditate and connect with the emotion like in the prior example as a means to recognize and honor its presence before releasing it. Consider having a dialogue with the emotion. Can you name it? Where did it come from? What does it want? What is it trying to teach you?

• Get support. Talk to someone about it who won’t judge you or try to fix it. A verbal exorcism if you will – again, just get it out! It doesn’t have to make any sense. The goal is to release it not to fix it. (Ahem, I’m always available for that sort of thing!)

As you work through these options and release the pent up energy, your body will move from contraction (keeping the energy pushed down) to expansion (letting the energy pass through) and you will typically feel lighter, calmer and relieved. When you allow yourself to ride the emotional wave of these sensations you will regain homeostasis which allows your body to finally rest and heal itself.

Through these practices, you allow your body to feel the emotions it didn’t have the opportunity to release at the time of the triggering event. An added benefit of this work is that you can learn to understand these emotions and the thoughts that trigger them. When we understand our emotions on a deeper level, we no longer need to fear them and can instead learn to better manage them. We don’t need to rage at work or burst into tears when the emotion strikes us but we can, instead, commit to honoring those emotions and expressing them at an appropriate time.

They are part of our human experience and holding them in simply does more harm than good. So go on, pour yourself some wine and have a good ol’ cry about it!

Well over a decade ago, I was playing an in an adult softball league and I hit an infield ball and took off towards first base. In this particular league, we did not wear helmets which the shortsightedness of suddenly came into full view when the third baseman, in an attempt to throw me out at first base, hit me in the head with the softball promptly knocking me out cold. Nothing like a good faceplant and sliding into home unconscious to really stoke one’s ego.

As I came to and I was escorted back to the dugout, I was overcome with all of these emotions bubbling beneath me wanting to come out. I was embarrassed, I was in shock, I had adrenaline rushing through me, and yes, my head was a bit sore. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment, was burst into tears and let all of the emotions out. I wasn’t in pain so much as I was just overcome with all these warring emotions that wanted to burst out of me in an hurricane of tears. But the junior high little girl in me that had been told not to cry and that everything was OK held back those tears and pushed all of the energy back down into my body.

I remember that moment so distinctly because the desire to burst into tears were so palpable but also the desire not to cry was also incredibly persuasive. I didn’t want people to judge me. I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I didn’t want people to think I was a baby.

I think about that experience a lot and wonder: when did it become so wrong for us to experience emotions?

I see the origins of my own experience and watching other children participate in sporting activities. When someone falls and hurts themselves or skins a knee, one of the first things people around them say is, “You’re OK. It’s fine. Everything, is fine. Don’t cry.”

Why do we do that?
Does it make us a lesser human being to experience those emotions? Why are negative emotions “embarrassing”?

There are a lot of reasons why we feel like we need to hide our emotions. Sometimes, just to get through the day, we tell ourselves that we can deal with our emotions later, or that those feelings aren’t worth exploring, or we hide them because we think it will make the relationship easier – I don’t want to tell this person I’m mad at them because it will upset our dynamic and cause more trouble than it’s worth. When we bottle up those emotions, it feels safer than experiencing them. What’s more, it allows us to “maintain” a façade of perfection and unflappability.

Implicitly, we prefer to show up as unfeeling Stepfords as opposed to humans with a full range
of emotions.

But simply because we don’t let the tears fall or let our anger escape, it doesn’t change the fact that those emotions are there raging below the surface. Wouldn’t it be better for our physical and energetic bodies just to simply release the energy in tears?

Is it really good for our bodies to lock down all of that energy and keep it stifled within ourselves and to not honor what we’re actually experiencing? A good cry can be cathartic and letting that energy escape and honoring our experience can be incredibly empowering. Unfortunately, the embarrassment that often accompanies emotional expression, even in private, is a social construct and something that we were taught over time.

It’s not just about whether we show emotions in the middle of a difficult work confrontation, but more importantly are we aware that those emotions NEED to be released and honored at some point? That choosing to hide them while at work is one thing but choosing to ignore them in your own solitude is another.

Many of the professionals I work with have a lot of discomfort around showing emotion and processing negative emotions. In honor of that discomfort they gravitate toward perfectionism and people pleasing — because if we are perfect, and keep everyone happy, we never have to experience the pain that comes from failing or disappointing others, or the discomfort of vulnerability. Overtime, this can be incredibly isolating and lead to the belief that others just don’t “get” you (after all, how can anyone truly understand you if you continually hide your truth?) and that breeds anger and resentment which only further isolates us.

Not only is this ultimately detrimental to our relationships — because we end up hiding who we really are, walking on egg shells so as not to upset anyone — but it is also detrimental to our bodies. There is evidence that bottling up emotions can manifest in physical
stress and even disease. If we can think about emotions simply as energy bouncing around in side of our bodies, it can be easier to understand why it’s essential to honor that energy and allow it to move through us as opposed to bottling it up. If our emotions are simply energy, when we bottle them up, aren’t we simply putting a lid on an already boiling pot of water? Aren’t we further ensuring that the pot WILL boil over at some point and likely cause even more damage to its surroundings? Wouldn’t it be better to remove the pot from the stove and let that energy run its course? When we think of emotions as energy, it becomes easier to imagine the damage that energy can do it left to continually build pressure within our bodies. In that context, we can understand why bottling up those emotions never resolves them, it simply forces them to build more energy until we completely boil over. Consider what impact that bottled energy has on your body and nervous system.

Our emotions are a signpost to what is happening in our lives. They are the purest means to find your true north and connect with what you are really thinking about the events in your life. It’s not about being “emotional,” it’s about letting those emotions plug you in to your deepest thoughts. If we could see those negative emotions that pop up during the day as signposts for life, would we continue to bury them and their roots?  Would we strive so hard to be perfectionist and to please others if we were perfectly comfortable experiencing the full range of emotions?

The next time, you feel challenged by negative emotions during your day — anger, resentment, sadness, disappointment — ask yourself what those emotions are trying to show you about your experience. Consider making time to explore them instead of ignoring them. What impact would that have on your relationships and even your physical health?

The only way to truly succeed in the legal industry is to develop a deeper understanding of your brain and your emotions. Through that work, we are able to understand and dismantle the cycle of meltdowns and fully take control over our success. Join us. It all starts with a free consult.

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During any given day we experience approximately 60,000 thoughts. Each of those thoughts generates a vibration within our bodies we refer to as emotions or feelings. We have happy thoughts, angry thoughts, fearful thoughts, each creating conflicting emotions within us. Whether those thoughts are conscious or not, the energy created by our thinking courses through our bodies.

Furthermore, as women, we seem innately pre-dispositioned to take on more than is humanly possible. We juggle our families, our personal lives, our careers, and the majority of our home life responsibilities. In order to handle all of those things , we rarely allocate time for ourselves. This includes taking time to be fully present with our experiences, including our emotions. This is where the problem begins.

When those 60,000 thoughts and associated energies become overly charged, we become powder kegs ready to explode. Whenever we have an experience in our life that creates negative thoughts, those thoughts also invite powerful energy into our bodies in the form of corresponding emotions (fear, guilt, anger, worry, shame, etc.). When we don’t acknowledge the presence of that energy and emotion within us, the energy lingers and builds overtime. In other words, when we push aside our emotional expression and just keeping forging ahead, the energy grows stronger.

What you resist, persists.

It’s almost as if our bodies are tea kettles full of water and each negative and powerful emotion coursing through us increases the temperature and thus the pressure within that tea kettle. The more we ignore those sensations and emotions, the higher the temperature climbs, and more pressure builds. Over time our ability to control that pressure and contain all of that energy lessons.

Holding all of that energy within ourselves is a matter of simple will power. We show up every day, we do the work, we tick through our To Do List and we just keep pushing. Every time our brain calls our attention to those painful/frustrated thoughts and emotions we simply redirect and redirect and keep going. In time, our ability to do this in the face of significant and powerful energy wanes. Will power is a finite resource and it’s no match for the powerful energy that wells up within us. This is why we can go through difficult experiences and challenging times and just keep going without a meltdown. Yet weeks or months later, we are hit with a ton of bricks and completely fall apart. Eventually, our ability to contain the emotion expires, that energy catches up with us, and the tea kettle starts screaming.

If this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone. The only way to truly succeed in the legal industry is to develop a deeper understanding of your brain and your emotions. Through that work, we are able to understand and dismantle the cycle of meltdowns and fully take control over our success. Join us. It all starts with a free consult.

The energy that we create within our bodies from our thinking and our emotions will not resolve itself. That energy needs to be honored, examined, and released. It will not simply go away on its own. It stays stuck within us and within our bodies wreaking havoc all its own. In addition to the impending meltdown, consider what that constrained energy is doing within your body. It’s no wonder that when we continue this path of pushing down emotion and moving forward we find ourselves getting sick or experience other physical manifestations of illness within our body. We cannot live a life ignoring this aspect of ourselves and forcing powerful energy to remain unseen behind our happy facades. 

In order to prevent eventual meltdowns , we have to invest in the full human experience.

We have to honor ourselves and make time to process and release the emotions that accompany all experiences of our lives. We must be present with, invested in, and fully experience those emotions. When we give space to our experiences and pay attention to what is happening within our hearts, minds, and bodies it is freedom. Not only does it honor our experience but it allows the energy to diminish and move through you. If you think of this energy as a toddler vying for your attention, you know that it will only get louder and louder until you listen to it. If you acknowledge it early and honestly, its time with you and its impact on your life will lessen.

This patterning is often associated with the grit and tenacity that we as women utilize and leveraged to create the success that we currently experience in our lives. That grit fits well within the scheme of pushing down emotion and continually pressing forward. In order to succeed in the next phase of our lives, we have to recognize that grit and tenacity can only get us so far. If we want to truly succeed in this life we have to be willing to experience all aspects of life including negative emotion. To do otherwise is to simply delay the inevitable melt down.

Early in our professional lives, we are driven to accomplish. We work hard to fill our resumes and hit all the markers that are going to get us where we need to go. Our focus and commitment to checking all the boxes propels us forward on our journey. But then we get there and we can’t turn it off. That drive to accomplish and check things off the list keeps us grinding and pushing even harder.

The problem is that we have new task masters and those masters will take as much as we are willing to give, even to our own detriment.

Constantly pushing and striving and achieving without hesitation is part of what got us all to where we are. For many of us, once we land there, we start to realize that the same grit that got us there is going to kill us if we don’t find another way. During those years of pushing, we are often fueled by beliefs like–

I’ve got to keep doing, I’ve got to keep accomplishing things, I need to focus and do what they tell me to do.

While historically, that tenacity yielded great results, we often get to a place where that approach no longer serves us. In fact, it often does the opposite.

I see so many women who carry that grit and tenacity into their first job and they find themselves pushing, striving, and going nonstop until they completely fall apart. They have finally reached a place in their lives where, they have to start reining in their own drive lest they run themselves off the road for good.

Your profession will take as much as you are willing to give. If we allow our grit and tenacity to answer that call, we will end up giving everything we have (and then some).

Sound familiar? You are not alone. Join the Lawyer Life Collective community and learn how to make the power shifts that will ensure you don’t burn out and walk away from your dream. It all starts with a free coaching consultation.

It’s during this phase of our professional lives, that we have to rein in our grit and find a better way. We must no longer be driven by the belief that we have to keep accomplishing and pushing so hard. We have to start rethinking what we are willing to give and reconsidering what we want to motivate us.

This realization can be incredibly jarring and painful.

Who am I if I’m not someone who’s constantly giving her all? If I’m not pushing for another accomplishment, what does that mean?

When we are used to focusing externally on the pursuit of the dream, we often disconnect from our true selves and the evolution of our desires. When we get to this place where grit must be replaced with something else, it’s an opportunity for us to spend some time evaluating who we really want to be during this chapter of our lives. That exploration is foreign to many of us and, for that reason, many of us ignore that call for deeper understanding and just keep pushing forward, running the same patterns. And we all know how that plays out.

When you realize that you are giving more than you want to and your historical pattern of pushing harder and harder no longer serves you, it is a calling to re-evaluate your motivations and reconsider how you want to show up during this next season of your life. This will likely require you to learn some new skills (e.g., time management, boundaries, flexing your “no” muscle).

Your life is evolving — are you evolving with it?

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Saying, “No, ” is always an option available to us to make more time for ourselves. To make time for the things that actually matter to us. So that we can find some space and happiness. We know, logically, that if we want more time, more balance, and more peace, boundaries are part of the deal but we are reluctant to flex those muscles because we fear the consequences.

There is a difference between not knowing how to resolve a problem and being afraid to implement solutions you know exist.

When my clients consider the possibility of not responding to an email at 8:30pm on a Wednesday night, it doesn’t seem like a real option. Their brains tell them that those kinds of boundaries will get them fired, demoted, judged, and “into trouble.”

Possibly.

We set boundaries because we know what is good for us; that doesn’t mean others are going to like it.

But let’s explore that. My clients that are learning to set boundaries and say “no” continue to meet their hourly obligations to the extent those obligations are clear. They continue to do good work, often times even better work. They continue to be a team player. And with these changes their attitude and energy change dramatically as well. Is it reasonable to believe that a firm is going to fire someone performing in this manner simply because they are not willing to be a doormat, on call 24/7? It’s possible. But it’s also possible that the firm will swallow that pill even though they don’t like it.

If this resonates with you, grab a free session and commit today to start living differently.

Furthermore, when we tell ourselves that setting these boundaries, pushing back and saying “no” is going to cause us to get fired, I don’t believe that result differs from the alternative. I work with attorneys all day long, every day. Attorneys who are burnt out and unhappy. Attorneys who have implemented the rage quit or attorneys who are tap dancing on the edge of it. What I submit is this:

If we continue the path that we have historically been on, where we ignore our boundaries and forget how to say “no,” the ultimate result is that we leave. We leave burnt out, unhappy, and disillusioned, believing that practicing law is just not right for us. That path may take several years to trek but ultimately the lack of boundaries ends with a sad exit.

In contrast, we can choose a path where we speak our truth. We’re honest about our availability, we set clear boundaries and make time for what’s really important to us. If that path were to result in us being terminated, we must also ask:

Is that so much worse than the alternative?

How long do you think you could flex those “no” muscles, set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and make more time for what’s really important to you before the firm steps in and decides that they no longer want to employ you? Six months? A year? What would that time be like for you? To have more time, more balance, to have the ability to workout and spend time with your family instead of constantly feeling on the edge and on call. Wouldn’t that six months or one year of balance and peace serve you in a much better manner than those years of burnt out frustration?

The ending is the same most certainly but the person at the end of either of those journeys is absolutely not the same person. And the sacrifices each of them would make during those journeys could not be more different. The choice is yours. What do you have to lose?

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We can’t ask for what we want because everyone will judge us.

They will pull work from us if we complain.

They will say we’re not partner material.

They will fire us.

It will never change.

There’s no point speaking up.

They’re never going to let me lighten my workload.

That’s just the way it is.

There is no fixing it.

While all of this thinking could certainly be true, when we are living in fight or flight mode, flitting from project to project just trying to make it through the day, we start to believe that all of those statements are factual. We start to believe that those are the only truths available to us.

When we are living in fight or flight, our brain operates from negativity bias.

It sees everything on the horizon as an animal that is ready to kill us and it sees any deviation from the norm as a high risk. For these reasons, it becomes very difficult for us to realize that all of those statements, while they could be true, the opposite could also be true. It becomes very difficult for us to see that we are only looking at one possible outcome.

This is why so many of us just. keep. going. hoping that someday it will change.

We forget that we cannot tell the future and that while the worst case scenario could certainly happen, the best case scenario is also equally possible. When we are in the middle of a crisis at work feeling overwhelmed and overloaded, it is very difficult to generate any feelings other than resignation and hopelessness. It’s no wonder it feels like an impossible task to make changes or to ask for what we want.

Our brain is not wired to look for positive potential outcomes when it is fighting to survive!

When we find ourselves overwhelmed by negativity and overcome by the challenges before us, the only thing we can do is watch our survival brain at work. Watch our brain convince us that the worst case scenario is the only possible outcome and recognize that our brain is not offering us any other alternatives but to just keep going. This awareness can be all it takes to raise us out of the negativity overwhelm back to a neutral state where we can make clear-headed and unbiased decisions. We have to recognize what our brain is doing and realize that what it is offering to us is only 1/2 of the possibilities before us.

Many of my clients put in the work to shift out of panicked, fight or flight practicing to create a strategic path toward balance and clarity. If you want to stop drinking from the fire hose and take back your own agency, join us. This work changes everything.

Once we start seeing that there is, in fact, more than one potential outcome, and more than one path forward, we take back our power. From that space we can start to see and evaluate clearly the options ahead of us. At the same time we move out of victim mentality and stop believing that everything is happening to us and recognize our own power in the moment. We can choose to believe that things just might work out, that we can use our voice, live authentically and just maybe everything will be okay.

(Because drinking from the firehouse day in and day out never ends well for anyone. )

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As the demands of the day press down upon us with such herculean force, it can be difficult to maintain composure and prevent the overwhelm meltdown.

Today, I found myself slipping into this old pattern and having to regroup and employ many of the tools that I teach to my clients. I had several large projects that I wanted to focus my energies on and I suddenly felt like there just wasn’t enough time to get everything done. Hopelessness was sinking in as I stared blankly at my calendar.

As I focused on how to get to work and execute on my daily goals, I found that my eyes kept drifting off to my email inboxes, tracking all the new things that kept pouring in. Because I maintain three separate email addresses–one for my legal practice, one for my coaching practice, and one for my personal and nonprofit work, a simple review of my emails to “just seeing what’s going on” can quickly spiral out of control and precious time is lost. Here I was, feeling overwhelmed with my daily priorities and now that overwhelm was like a rising tide of panic as I glanced at each new message coming in.

For every email, I felt the desire to jump on it and respond immediately. I wanted to answer the pleas for support, redirect my legal team working on important projects, check in with clients, and just GSD. In addition to those impulses, came other emails eliciting frustrated brain chatter. As I was frantically responding to some emails, other emails had me mentally berating my staff, complaining about my nonprofit boards, and angry that people just wouldn’t leave me alone. My overwhelm was now compounded with the downward spiral of victim mentality and frustration.

There isn’t enough time! I am going to let everyone down! I’m so irritated with everyone! Why can’t they figure this out on their own!? Bah!

All of this was making me feel pretty rotten and powerless. Despite all that, I was glued to my emails, trying to salvage some “feel goods” by tackling those low hanging fruits. I was avoiding the bigger picture and chasing the endorphin rush of helping in small ways in that moment, responding to “simple emails” and inquiries. Nevermind that that little foray was going to cost me even more later on as precious time ticked away.

In that moment, I realized that keeping up with my email today was not my number one priority — maintaining my email was not even in my top three today.  So, I set a timer and agreed to check my email in 2 hours. Then I closed the window browsers and got back to work. Not only would those emails still be there 2 hours from now when I finished my priorities, but I had already scheduled time to triage my inbox today, as I do everyday. Despite my prior planning, my email had become a persuasive distraction in those moments of overwhelm and pushed itself right to the front of the line.

It’s easy to dive into your email, get organized, address a million non-emergencies, and avoid the larger projects that will actually make an impact in your life.

It’s the difference between throwing a boulder or a handful of pebbles into the pond–how big of an impact are you wanting to make today?

We all have those moments where suddenly everything feels so chaotic and we feel hopeless and lost. It is in those moments that we have to stop, reconnect with our priorities, and step away from all the things we use to feel better amidst the overwhelm. We have to force our primitive brains to stop freaking out and believing that everything in our orbit is suddenly life or death. For me, in this case it meant shutting down my email and believing fully and wholeheartedly that nothing would happen in the next 2 hours that would destroy my career or my credibility. From that space I was able to redirect my energies and calm the chaos in my mind. And what do you know, I got those projects done and checked my emails and no one fired me, no one died, and the world kept spinning.

Part of the reason this redirection is so challenging for most of us is because of the things we tell ourselves when we pull away from our inbox. All those worries, judgments, comparisons, and worst-case scenarios. That is where coaching comes in because when you believe that you “need” to or “should” respond immediately or that other people are doing it better than you, you will never break this cycle. Challenging those closely held thoughts and beliefs is the first step to freedom and peace. Join us.

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Just a regular Tuesday, eh?

Oh the panicked frenzy of practicing law! On those days, your brain is laser focused and you can feel the adrenaline coursing through your body as you move from one thing to the next with effortless precision. For many of us, we get addicted to this frenzy. We develop a strange love affair with the pressure and intensity of those days. We feel alive! Connected to the work! Like a boss. If only we could feel like this all the time!

While these bursts of energy and manic productivity can be incredibly addictive and create tremendous surges of satisfaction, working from this state is problematic for two reasons.

First, it is not sustainable. During these moments of manic productivity and putting out fires we are actually operating from a primitive state. Our body has infused our system with tremendous amounts of adrenaline because the pressure and stress that we have put on ourselves and created in our minds has led our primitive brains to believe that we are on the verge of being murdered by carnivorous clients. We switch into survival mode operating on adrenaline; our hearts race and our brains become laser focused on the task in front of us because it suddenly equates the task with survival.

Our primitive brain and the survival mechanisms that kick in are powerful and addictive in many ways but we must recognize that living day-in and day-out being driven by adrenaline and our primitive brains is not sustainable. Our bodies were not designed to flourish under those amounts of adrenaline, which is a finite resource. It’s simply not possible to maintain that high and that level of focus and productivity long-term. We are literally living everyday in fight or flight, frenzied panic. Our bodies are preparing for battle. Productive? Yes. Sustainable? Sadly, no.

Sound familiar? Most of my clients reach out to me from that state of panicked frenzy or shortly after the inevitable crash. Stop the madness (literally). Work with me and let’s develop some tools to turn down the noise and put your logical brain back in charge.

Add to this madness, the physical and emotional toll of living on adrenaline for too long — persistent surges of adrenaline can damage your blood vessels, increase your blood pressure, and elevate your risk of heart attacks or stroke. It can also result in anxiety, weight gain, headaches, and insomnia. I’m not that kind of doctor but the Google box and real doctors will back me up on this if you need more convincing.

When we operate from that space of fight or flight and let our primitive brain drive our actions and our responses, we also lose the ability to think rationally with our prefrontal cortex. This brings me to reason number two as to why this is not the best mode of operation.

We do not make good decisions with our primitive brains.

Our primitive brains were designed to keep us safe, seek pleasure, and be efficient. Our primitive brain is the fast acting part of our brain; it is not designed to move slowly, analyze facts, and make well-reasoned decisions. That part of our brain is designed simply to react: everything presented to your primitive brain will be perceived as an emergency, a matter of life-or-death. That means that every email that comes across your desk, every person that darkens your doorway, every phone call that comes in, your brain is going to interpret as an emergency that must be attended to immediately. Simply put, we are not biologically capable of making the best decisions when we are operating from fight or flight and letting our primitive brain drive the boat.

It’s like letting a toddler make decisions about your finances. They are going to spend all of your money going to the amusement park, eating cotton candy and raw cookie dough, and ordering all of the things from the late night shopping channel. They are not going to tell you to eat the damn salad, go to the gym, and “no, that designer purse is not the solution to your tale of woes.” The primitive part of our brain will seek the pleasure that comes from responding to that email immediately and from trying to please the client/partner rather than focusing on the project that you told the client you would get done today.

So what does all this mean?

When you find yourself in that panicked mode of productivity, recognize that your primitive brain has taken over and is clouding your judgment. You need to disconnect and reengage your logical brain. That might mean getting up and walking away from your computer and going outside for 5 minutes. Connect with nature. Take some deep breaths. Spend 5 minutes in meditation. Ground yourself and connect with a mantra–

This is not my life, this is not who I am, I am more than this job, I am more than this day.

By doing these practices we allow our primitive brain to disengage and we put the adult back in the driver’s seat so that we can start making better decisions for the long-term. We make decisions taking into account our priorities and the facts regarding what needs to be done and what does not need to be done in that moment. Save your primitive brain for real emergencies. Do not let your primitive brain drive the bus in your career. From that space you will only create burnout and block yourself from that conscious focus that will take your career to the next level.

“Doing great work is a struggle. It’s draining, it’s demoralizing, it’s frightening – not always, but it can feel that way when we’re deep in the middle of it.”

― Ryan Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy

When you are working toward a new goal, there will be days when the goal seems unimportant. When the path you chose to the goal seems like a mistake. You can start to doubt your prior decisions and it seems logical to take a break and reassess. It is in those moments that having a good coach can make all the difference because your task must then become separating your fears from your good logic. It is those moments of breaking through the morass that will set you apart from all others who gave up and went home.

We set goals and we make plans. That is the easy part.

We have something we want to attain so we identify it and we get to executing. We make choices about how to best achieve that goal and we take action on those choices. But then, days/weeks/months later as we continue holding steady with those prior decisions, we start to second guess. We start to doubt and question whether we made the right decision. That questioning might be founded in good deductive reasoning but most often that questioning if fear-based.

We agonize over whether we made the right decision.

Whether we chose the right approach. Whether we should be spending our time elsewhere. NONE of those thoughts are founded upon the results of your current experiment. None of those questions are based upon your current course. They are all rooted in fear and self-doubt. Fear about making the wrong choice, fear about squandering your time, fear that it should be EASIER THAN IT IS. None of those fears are rationale but when they bounce around your head all day long, they are damn persuasive.

So how do you know when you are letting fear drive the boat or whether it really is time to make a change?

You have to ask yourself why you want to make a change midrace. Are you frustrated that it’s not going well or that it’s not as easy as you hoped? Are you feeling unmotivated and uninspired? Those are NOT REASONS TO CHANGE YOUR COURSE! That is part of the bargain. It is supposed to be hard!

When we believe that our path to a goal should be inspired and we should be filled with passion and motivated every step of the way, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We are denying the reality of yin and yang! From that space the only option is to abandon ship every time it gets hard. We spend our lives chasing happiness and running away from challenges. That course will never bring your dreams to fruition.

The take away here is this: if you want to change your course, do you like your reasoning for doing so?

Would your future self agree with your rationale?

What would it be like to stick it out a little longer–what will that gain you?

What will it cost you to change course?

Whenever we set goals, I encourage my clients to make them very measurable and clear. If you are going to start a website and a blog, identify the steps and tell yourself how long you are willing to commit to a particular course of action. Maybe you will commit to trying to make it all on your own for 3 weeks. After that point, you can decide whether it might be best to hire a web designer. The point is to trust yourself enough to commit to a course of action that makes sense to you.

Give yourself the opportunity to either fail or succeed in taking action toward your goals. Don’t leave room for half/a attempts. Don’t give space to commit for a few days and give up when it gets hard. Expect that it will be hard. The grind will come and commit to riding that path through it. Don’t allow yourself to quit during the grind! Decide how long you are willing to commit to your selected path and just. do. it.

Make a decision and have your own back.

After you have pushed through the grind and honored your prior decision-making enough to power through, THEN you can re-evaluate how to best proceed. At that time, not only will you have identified one approach that does not (or does) work but you will have also fostered trust in yourself. You will have developed confidence in yourself that you can make commitments to yourself and execute, even when it gets hard. You honor yourself and your decision-making when you stick to the plan. After all, there was a reason you decided to take that approach–give yourself the benefit of the doubt and stick with it even when it gets hard.

Unsure about whether it is time to change course? Get some free coaching today. Sometimes all it takes is a fresh perspective to see things differently.

Photo by Holly Mandarich on Unsplash